How do you get over someone you've been in love with for 20 years but you know that you can't be with?

Answer 1

Well just get over with your fears in telling her/him and just suck it up and tell her

(but if he/she has a boy/girl friend then i got no help for you) ---- In this case, there really is no easy way to let love go. As a sensitive human being, it is unimaginably difficult to still be in love with a person when you know that you can't be with the one that you love. But after 20 years, you have to be pragmatic. You basically have two choices: (1) hope that you can somehow be with him or (2) face the facts and be prepared to experience the five stages of grief which are: Denial (this isn't happening to me!) Anger (why is this happening to me?) Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...) Depression (I don't careanymore) Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes) Before I continue, I am assuming that the man is either married; a homosexual or doesn't love you, and it is for one of these reasons that you know that you cannot be with him. If, conversely, you cannot be with him because you are married and don't want to hurt your husband and children (if applicable), then the remainder of my answer is not really applicable. While it's hard to believe that you will eventually reach the stage of "acceptance", especially just after having made this monumental decision; time has a funny way of transforming such a loss into a memory or at the very least, makes the "hurt" feel less. There's an old saying that's not too far from the truth. It states that failure is a prerequisite to success. Regardless as to why you can't be with the man that you love, you will soon realize that your loss was probably for the best. Never change your values to please another person. There are several people that would be extremely happy to meet just a person such as you. Wouldn't life have dealt you a bad card if there was only one man in the entire world who could love you and receive your love in return? Note: If you're already married and don't want to hurt your husband and children (if applicable), then re-submit your question stating that fact. Either I and/or another person will surely answer the question.

Answer 2

You cannot "get over him." You need to focus on your marriage. Think of your husband, the man you chose to marry, and how he feels. People know when their partner is thinking of someone else. Your husband must know that he doesn't have your entire heart. This is wrong. Your husband, (not your long-time lover) deserves your attention and loyalty. Your lover, must focus on his wife. He should make her feel like she's the most important person in his life. In your case, four people, not two, are affected. If you continue to want someone you can't have it is hurtful to everyone.

If the longing for your lover compromises your marriage, you should let your husband go. He could find someone who is devoted to him. Your longing feeling will be greatly reduced when you realize what an enormous sacrifice to life and security the longing has created.

Good luck, but remember: the fantasy of what we don'thave is always better than the reality of what we do have. Treasure the here & now. Put your feet back on the ground.