How do you protect your young children from a narcissistic grandmother who lives very close and is allowed by spouse to attend all their sports functions?

Answer 1

You explain to the children that their grandmother has a personality defect that makes her look at the world in an unrealistic way. (undermine her credibility with the children so they aren't as vulnerable to her attacks)

You call her on her behavior everytime she attempts to manipulate you, your spouse, or especially your children, in your presense. (Bring the behavior into the light - I know that the automatic response is anger, especially when someone is assaulting your children in this underhanded manner, but you can confront this behavior with empathy and compassion - Just let them know that you are so sorry for them for whatever events occured in their young lives to bring about this condition, you feel bad for the pain that drives them to abuse others, and that you will be there for them if they decde to address these things and move past them, but you will definitely NOT sacrifiice your family to help them avoid their own pain)

Continue ongoing dialogue with your spouse regarding the deep and long lasting emotional scars that are always present in victims of narcissistic abuse. Make sure your spouse is fully aware of the real dangers of subjecting his/her children to such a toxic environment. Read as much as you can, and share that knowledge continually with your spouse.