If either spouse on rare occasions out of frustration or anger slams a door or speaks angry words is it fair to label he or she as an abuser?

Answer 1

The word "abuse" can quite often be thrown around far too often. It is quite normal for any couple to get into a heated argument and slam out a door to cool off and wise to do. Sometimes when we give each other time to cool off making up is the best part! LOL I've been married 35 years and my husband and I love each other dearly, but we've said things to each other we've apologized for and we've slammed out of the house or gotten away from each other and as long as it's just on occasion and not an every day habit it's normal. Life can be stressful. As long as when you say the angry words, that they are not word that offend or degrade the other person, I don't think it is abusive. The thing is that frustration and slamming of doors indicates an unresolved issue. So, make sure that you and your partner come back to the topic at a later time and figure it out to both people's satisfaction. This will take compromise, but is certainly better than having to walk around the "dead elephant in the living room." Also, it seems that resolving issues in a relationship as they happen contribute to the long term satisfaction of both. This sounds like they have anger management issue. Better to slam a door then to be physical. There is emotional, mental and physical abuse. A therapist can help determine what type of help these persons need to better deal with situations... We are in a society of 'pill poppers', 'labelers' and 'arm chair psychology'. None is helpful. People are just human and sometimes they get angry which is normal as long as that anger does not become constantly verbally abusive and as long as that person does not become physically abusive. To say someone has an anger management problem simply because they slam out the door is poor judgement. The person could simply be frustrated, hurt, angry and knows the argument is going nowhere and the other person at this time can't be reasoned with. Slamming out the door can just be out of frustration and a need to cool off. Better a slammed door than opening one's mouth with hurting words to their partner or physical abuse. I agree that both should use some good communication skills and after both have cooled off to learn to sit down and talk their problem(s) out and come to an amicable agreement.