If you have yelled and wanted to throw things at him which is not normal for you does this mean you are the abuser?

Answer 1

Yelling and throwing things is immature behavior and if sustained, it is, indeed, abusive conduct - even if it is in reaction to abuse. There are "grown up" methods of dealing with abuse - and they don't include temper tantrums. I know how you feel because I went through the same thing. I regrettably "stooped" to immature behavior at times in reaction to the abuse I received. Primarily because I had never been in an abusive environment before and had NO clue how to deal with the rash of emotions I was feeling and living through.

Hard to say if you are with an abusive person. You would have to do research and find the characteristics of abusive people and see if your partner exhibits plenty of them. God Bless