Is it always a sign of abuse if your partner monitors you closely but guards his own privacy?

Answer 1

No, it is not a certain sign of abuse.

I wouldn't say it is a sign of abuse. I would say it IS a character flaw. He has some personality issues he needs to address if wants a good reltionship. He sounds like he is insecure. He needs to address that issue A.S.A.P.

Id say hes cheating on you but doesnt want you to cheat on him

It is definitely a red flag in which to watch out for. If the person is an abuser, it does fit the mold somewhat in the fact that abusers are all about double-standards and invading your boundaries, in which they have no respect for.

I am married to a very abusive woman and find it strange that the s here instantly say "guarding privacy" is a form of abuse. I am constantly checked up on, phone records comed through, and called at work at various times during the day just to see if I am where I am supposed to be. I highly guard my privacy, work luncheons, don't use the home phone to call friends, etc. All in an effort to stop the interrogations that would follow which leads to verbal abuse on me in front of the children. I have two small children and can not bring myself to leave because I have a moral obligation to protect them. They receive the wrath as well but I am sometimes able to curb the abuse they receive. My life is a total wreck. I have high levels of anxiety, have hard time focusing at my job, and dread driving home after work. Recently my 9 year old has been saying things like "I wish I was dead, why does mommy alsways yell, they haven given up at school and now too guard their privacy. The wrong could result in hours of scolding.

Yes he is letting you know hes keeping his eye on you while he protects his own personal freedom.