Is it considered abuse if one spouse accuses the other spouse of betrayal and disrespect when there is no basis for the accusations?

Answer 1

Whether or not this is considered "abusive" is completely irrelivant. What's happening here is bad communication. Whether or not she is stabbing you in the back, the statement "I'm tired of you stabbing me in the back" is very accusitory. It just passes the blame and it won't accomplish what you intend it to. Instead, talk to her about the problem and try to work it out together. If she does something that bothers you, then pick a good moment to talk about it, and then tell her exactly why it bothers you and how it makes you feel. Don't think of it like "This isn't my fault so it must be hers". Who's fault it is doesn't even matter. Just think of it as a problem that the two of you have to work together to solve. At first she might not seem to encourage this. She might just be tired of talking about it and she will assume that nothing has changed and you are just going to fuss at her some more now. But give her some time to realize that you are approaching this differently now and let her know that you want to change things and then things will gradually change as long as you have patience with it. I know it feels like she's the one that needs to change, not you, and I can't say whether that is or is not the case, but there is obviously a problem in the relationship, and believe me, your current approach to solving the problem is only going to make it worse. The communication is the underlying problem that needs to be solved first. Once you and her have good, open communication, the problem of her "back-stabbing" you can be solved much more easily. There needs to be complete trust and honesty from both of you. You need to both be open with each other and you should feel comfortable talking to each other about absolutely anything. Try to never lose your temper, and if you do, feel comfortable appologizing afterwards, because even if you feel that you had a right to be mad, losing your temper a few times can easily destroy any relationship. Forget about blame; it isn't important. It may take a while for things to change, but have patience with it! Tell her what you want to do. You might even want to get her to read this. -DJ Craig What about accusations of betrayal for things such as cutting your hair short when..." i thought you told me i wouldn't have to worry about you cutting it short" (i never made any promises to keep it long) and " you still did it after i told you it would hurt me if you did so, i would find you repulsive, leave you" etc ...people CAN be falsely accused of betrayal, and i do think it's abusive, because it makes a person feel bad about something they shouldn't be feeling bad about. I have to right to cut my hair if i wish!