My husband and his female coworker work very closely every day at work Do you think he is cheating on me?

Answer 1

The first "answer" is below this one, labeled "Another's story". I have done that as it seems more a story about how someone is going through the same thing. No actual answer was provided in that story.

Now then. Working together very closely at work is not enough information.

1. Do they habitually work late, even very late? And has this started since he started working with the female coworker?

2. Does he talk about her, more so than other topics? Or conversely, is he more uncommunicative with you lately?

3. Do they see each other outside of work, under the guise of "friendship", or just catching up on some work projects?

4. Are there any of the usual indicators - smells of perfume, lipstick stains, or taking a shower immediately upon getting home or before going to bed?

5. Are there money irregularities, or less money than usual, or is he being more secretive about credit card bills or bank withdrawals?

6. Does he not answer his phone like he used to?

7. If you have brought up any concern about his relationship with this woman, was he touchy, defensive or outright angry?

8. Have you ever met this woman, and if you did, did you notice her standing to close to him, or touching him more than is appropriate?

9. Are they on the phone together all the time, or too many times? Does he get calls and take them in another room, away from you? Does he get a lot of "wrong numbers"?

Now the answer to those questions will probably tell you all you need to know. However, if you still have doubts, here are some suggestions:

1. On an evening he says he is working late, surprise him with a nice meal that you cook and take to his office. If he's there, great, you did a nice thing. If he's not...well, now you know.

2. If he is seeing this woman outside of work, you go to. After all, they are "just friends", and you'd enjoy having a friend, too. Be nothing but nice with her if he takes you up on this.

3. This one usually gets overlooked. Sit him down and tell him that you love him, you value the marriage, but you feel this woman is a problem. That you don't think he should see her outside of work, and the late evenings need to stop. You do have the right to share what makes you feel sad or frightened. And if he loves you, he has to respect that.

Another's story:

What does he say? My husband worked with a woman who is now his best friend (she no longer works at the same company). They still talk almost everyday and they get together for lunch a few times a month. There are days they talk several times. I would guess they talk a maybe 8 - 15 hours a month on the phone that I know of. She is also married. Her husband knows about this too.

My husband is 50 and this woman is in her 40's. I think the reason they get away with this is they say they aren't attracted to each other. This woman is overweight and my husband has a problem with heavy women. Nevertheless, she is very pretty and classy looking. I have only met her two times and while we didn't feel very comfortable around each other, I can see how my husband likes her. She is fun, smart and nice.

I know they have very in-depth conversations, but my husband also does with me too. I don't know what to think or how to know if the husband says they aren't cheating, aren't attracted to their best friend, but obviously are very close.

I once overheard my husband tell his friend that they are like soul mates, or maybe knew each other in a past life, and that's why they are so close. My husband also wanted to take our 10 year old son out to eat with him and his friend. I put my foot down then and said no way! That seemed a little too strange.

(Hmm. My answer to that story is "Yes, he is cheating." Somehow, some way, this is cheating, if only on some weird emotional level. The biggest thing, no matter what harmless explanation he may have for the rest, is the "soul mate" thing. Oh, and asking to take his son out with her - and without the mom!

I believe he is actually cheating, though. The person who wrote that story should probably be in consultation with a divorce attorney, or failing that, resign herself to being second string until he works up the courage to leave her and run off with the "soul mate".)