My husband cheated and now he doesn't understand why I want a divorce?

Answer 1

Your husband has cheated and he doesn't understand why you want a divorce? This may be because some men/women feel that although you are married, no matter what they may have done that hurt you, 'I'm sorry' may suffice. Of course that wasn't going through that person's mind when they were showing some type of affection to the other person, he may have had a second thought, but it still happened. And it's up to you whether or not you decide to push past the hurt and try to rebuild the trust and loyalty you once had. It's hard work it won't be easy but it's whether you feel it's worth it or not, remember that there was a reason why you married him and if you feel that he can straiten up and be the man you married instead of some single, frat party boy then give him a chance.

Now, if it's past the reconciliation, I suggest you let him know that you don't want sloppy seconds and he should've thought about the consequences before he acted, and now he can feel how you felt when the little miss contacted you or whatever the situation may have been.

But always remember Divorce should be a last resort. Another view: I agree completely with the answer above. But one thing to consider is was it one affair or were there multiple affairs? If it was one affair, then it could have been a mistake, for which he is truly sorry. On the other hand, if there were multiple affairs, then it was more a way of life for him. A mistake is one thing, but a way of life is another; it's much easier to forgive and work through a mistake than a way of life. Also, were there reasons he gave for the affair? Not that there is EVER an acceptable reason for cheating, but was he going through anything that caused him to be so weak and selfish? For example, has he been under a lot of stress, and the other woman just "happened" to know just what to say or do? There are women like that, who seem to prey on married men that way. But this, too, is no excuse. Were you happy together before the affair? If so, do you feel you can ever be happy with him again? Counseling can help a lot, and can help both of you understand why the affair occurred in the first place. Quite often, an affair is really about unresolved anger, and not even necessarily towards the one who was cheated on. It can even be anger or resentment that goes back to a time from before you and he ever met. So I would strongly recommend counseling before contacting a divorce attorney. At least that way, if it still didn't work out, you wouldn't ever have to wonder if you should have done something to try to save your marriage. Do you still love him? Does he still love you? Do you feel he is truly sorry for what he did? If the answer to all is "yes", then, again, I strongly suggest counseling before taking any action towards divorce. You can even separate, so that you can have some time alone, and see how life without him would feel. Was the affair recently, or did you just recently find out about it? If so, maybe you should give yourself time to deal with it, and grieve. There is a grieving process involved, even when you are able to work through the affair and stay together. You were hurt and betrayed in a horrible way, and it's one of the most painful things a person can go through. The pain will probably turn to anger - intense anger. This is a normal emotional process, and the anger is easier to deal with than the pain. But you need to give yourself time to go through it before making any final decisions. If you have questions about the affair, he needs to realize you need (and deserve) answers about it. No matter how difficult it may be for him to talk to you about the affair, it is not even close to how difficult it is for you to be going through the pain and anger you're feeling. So he owes it to you to answer any questions you have about the affair, the other woman, and yes, even the sex with her. That's (for some) part of the healing process, and he owes it to you to help you through the healing process, in what ever way you need him to. Wanting a divorce is completely understandable, but if you and he still love each other, I think you should give it some time, thought, and a lot of communication before making a decision as final as divorce.