What can you do if past relationships of the man you love are confusing him and affecting your relationship?

Answer 1

Firstly, past relationships ALWAYS affect your relationship. Since SEVERAL relationships "confuse" him, the "confusion" is not about feelings for someone else (if so, see next post), but about trust, unless he REALLY confuses you with some ex. First, make it clear to him that there are all sorts people, and that everyone's different, that you're an individual, that you're not "women", not his first, second or third. Don't say "them", use their names. Next, you need to prove that you're someone he CAN trust. Let him think about what "you"-specific reasons there are for him to mistrust you, and what reasons to trust. Think yourself. (If you could easily leave him but you don't should be a good argument.) Be honest and don't palliate. Remove mistrust-reasons that can be removed harmlessly, add trust-reasons that can easily be added. Let him realize there are no guarantees in life (except death and taxes), and that objectively, there's no more reason for you to trust him than for him to trust you. When he has realized that his mistrust has no reasonable basis, your work is done. All that's left for you then is to trust him to learn to trust you. Say so. Some instant-feedback trust-games may help.

I guess there are different ways to look at it. For instance, who broke up with whom? If he broke up with her, then there was probably a good reason behind that and maybe you shouldn't worry as much. But then again, he could want her back and since she might still have feelings for him, she might take him back. Maybe he wants her back and she won't take him back, then you have a man that will live with regret for the rest of his life thinking about her. Or did she break up with him? If so his feelings are probably common of someone that misses someone they lost. How long ago was the breakup? Is the time span close enough that you could be the rebound girl?

If you really think that he is stuck on this person, then you should give him time and space to let him figure his feelings out. It won't help things to have the two of you constantly arguing, it's could cause him to think about her more because who wants to be in a relationship where they fight all the time. Tell him how you feel and take some time away from him until he decides who/what he wants. If at all possible try not talking to him during this time and try to refrain from sex, it will just confuse you more and add more emotions into the mix.

If his past relationships are still confusing him then he is probably not ready for another one. The best and also most difficult thing to do is to give him time to figure it out...this does not mean that you need to wait while he does that. You could see this person occasionally but give yourself a chance to explore other intersts and options during this time. It is unfair of him to expect you to continue building a future with him when he is confused about someone else. Ask yourself if you truly want to be involved with someone who has unresolved issues with someone else.