Why do you feel guilty about dating another man after your relationship with an ex-abusive boyfriend is over?

Answer 1

Many of us believe in being honest and true in our relationship. I was married in my 20s, but my first husband loved women and obviously I wasn't one of them (so I thought.) I put up with it for quite sometime, and finally, one day at work it was like I'd been struck by lightening and I realized I deserved better, so I went apartment hunting, found a lawyer and filed for divorce. My ex kept phoning me and wanting me back, and when I refused it was one ugly scene for months to come. He made a simple divorce into a divorce from hell. I moved out and the first problem I had was feeling very lonely and wondering if it hadn't been my fault (it wasn't) and in a few months I began to enjoy my freedom. I changed jobs, met new friends, etc. Then it came down to dating all over again and it was tough. Like you, I felt guilty and it drove me crazy. I happened to mention it to a good male friend of mine and he straightened me out in a hurry. He told me that I was extremely loyal, took relationships and marriage very seriously and had a hard time accepting the fact that not all people think the way I do. It became clear to me that when you love someone, make love with them, go together for a long time and get married there is definitely a bond there and it's a tough one to break. When we start dating again we feel like we are cheating because everything inside of us tell us says "we should have stuck it out." That's the biggest piece of garbage that ever came down the pipeline. If you've tried very hard in a relationship and the other person isn't responding, cheating on you, abusing you, then there is nothing wrong with walking away from it. Abusers are controllers and actually they are weak individuals. They often have come from an abusive environment and never learned the tools from others about what is right and what is wrong. They desperately want love, but don't know how to accept it or dish it out. Abusers have to control the environment around them to feel safe. They are to be pitied in some ways because they really never know what it is to love someone. Verbally/physically abusing someone is not love! He's playing games with you and pressing your buttons. Stay away from him! You sound like a smart woman and please, don't risk the good relationship you have now by feeling guilty with being with this new man in your life, but enjoy every moment of it and stay away from your abuser! I would like to suggest you at least get some counseling from an "Abused Women's Center" (group programs where you will meet many women in your past situation) and these programs give you the tools to get through life so you won't go back to your abuser or find another abusive man to take over your life. Good luck Marcy