Why would an abusive man that left you tell others he is trying to make you jealous with a woman to make you want him back and haven't you as the victim suffered enough?

Answer 1

He thinks he OWNS YOU! It's all about control and you are chattel to him. He feels you are his property and he can do what he wants with you. He doesn't see his victims with feelings or cares what their hopes and dreams are. Abusers share little of their inner selves with anyone.

He's not trying to make you jealous, he's letting you know he can replace you! Women of abuse can get jealous. These feelings are odd to the victim because they basically detest their abuser, but, it's learned habits and the abuser has done a fine job creating his "perfect woman" so he can control her, tell her she'll never make it out in the real world, and no man would want her. After being abused for years the victim can believe just about anything told to her.

Abusers are in total control of what they do best "control women" and he's using this other woman to pour salt into your wounds. In his sick mind he thinks he's the best looking guy on two legs. I hope you have gotten away from this jerk and moved on. Stay away from friends you use to hang around with when you were with your abuser. You don't need to hear what he is doing and for that matter, why should you care?

Before you get confused and perhaps feel you are missing out with a life with your abuser (and you sure can feel that way) please seek counseling from the Women's Abuse Center in your area. You have been brain-washed and made to feel that you love your abuser and can't live life without him. You may now live on your own, but way back in the recesses of your mind, you ponder the thought of wanting him back. Life can be tough out in the world and lots of us would rather go through life with someone than alone. Don't sell yourself short and get that help, and move on. There are better things waiting for you.

Good luck honMarcy

AnswerHi Marcy: Thanks so much. I appreciate your advice. He has resorted to all sorts of tactics now that he knows Im finished with him. He has tried the sympathy ploy which didnt work,the silent treatment, the too causal don't care im around rotuine, the very nice waiting for me routine, he tried this thing with that woman and he could see I was still myself and happy, then now he is trying the old," I didnt appreciate what I had" deal. I know and call me nuts for thinking this cause with him I have questioned my reasoning. He is telling everyone he is miserable with life. But I think he is trying all these things to get me back with him. I think he is very mad that I am doing whats right for me and not falling for him and his tactics anymore. He seems to be quickly moving from one tactic to the next in a desperate atempt to get me back. I even told him to get lost on the sympathy stuff and told him I see what hes doing.. Then he switches to something else. It doesnt stop. That is why I avoid having contact with him and will get another job! Im hurting yes, but I am realsing more and more every day that there is alot more to life than being worn down. I also am noticing the respect I get from others. I have alot to offer the right man and I do not want to waste it on someone like him. I am to the point though where I wonder at times, is he really that mean that he would be so manipulative to use this other woman to get back with me? Is he really so cold that he thinks he has to resort to playing up the sympathy routine to the extreme? I think he is. I got a feeling he wont give up anytime soon. But I also know I am stronger and getting stronger everyday. Its so hard to believe that someone could be so manipulative and why do they do this. Thanks again. AnswerHi Hon:

I am so very proud of you. You are doing all the right things. Of course you are wondering if he was all that mean, but when someone makes you as unhappy as he made you so that you had to run from the situation, then kick this jerk to the curb!

I was married before to an abusive man and it probably started out very similar to yours. There were just suttle signs, but I wasn't use to abuse, so never heeded the signs even though family and friends didn't like him and thought I could do better. I thought I could heal him! Right! LOL We were married 3 1/2 years and I left him. He ran around with other women, cheated on his own mistress as well as me; became verbally abusive and then physically abusive and I kicked him to the curb. Like you, I moved out, got a place of my own (was very lonely and was asking myself the same questions as you are about my abuser) but stayed strong, made new friends, got a different job and I've never regretted those choices. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 34 years. Thank God, I left that other jerk and found the man I am spending the rest of my life with.

Women who are abused are not weak and that's a pure misconception in society. It takes guts to leave an abuser, and there is no manual that comes with a mate you may choose. Abusers can be sneaky and ply you with gifts, tell you how much they love you and then they get you in that web of theirs and you're a goner. Before you know it, you've become a victim of abuse. Hold your head up high, and you NEVER need to prove to anyone else how strong you are, but yourself and you've done that with flying colors!

I wish you all the very best and I know you can make it. Keep looking forward, don't look back! Don't answer his phone calls, emails, etc., and ditch this guy.