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1. My dog got sick so we got in the car and on the way to the vet I ran over a cat.

2. I adopted a kid from overseas to rescue him from child labor factories and on his very first birthday we went to build-a-bear workshop.

3. A water park just burnt to the ground.

4. A tow truck is broken down.

5. I used to always cry when I laughed then I was raped by a clown.

6. I was watching Oprah and she started to cry, she said men always objectify... and somehow I got turned on... and started to masturbate

7. Once I dated and animal rights actavist and on our first date she got really pissed cuz I was eating veal... rapped in PETA bread. (get it cuz PETA is an animal rights group)

8. I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch.

9. My grandpa had Alziemers and one day....... O Sh*t, what was it.

10. I got my girlfriend pregnant and my sterile uncle's PULL-OUT couch.

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14y ago

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