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professor snape teaches potions but wants the dark arts job until he betrays Hogwarts

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Snape: I am Snape, the potions master. Welcome to potions class. Ron: Yay, potions! Harry: Hello, Snape! Hermione: What are we going to learn today, Professor? Snape: The beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes… Harry: Oh, not this again. Snape: ...the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins… Ron: Eww! Snape: ...bewitching the mind and snaring the senses. Hermione: Ooh! Snape: I can teach you how to bottle fame… Harry: Don't need it. Snape: ...brew glory… Ron: Ooh la la! Snape: ...even put a stop onto death. Hermione: No, you can't. Snape: I can teach you the secrets of mystical fluids unknown. Harry: Okay. Snape: Enchanted juice, wizard liquids… Ron: Wow! Snape: ...the cool feminine curves of a potions flask… Hermione: Go on. Snape: ...the titillating scent of a fresh elixir. Harry: Is this the whole class? Snape: I can teach you how to pickle victory… Ron: Pickle victory! Snape: ...how to secrete success… Hermione: Oh, my! Snape: ...even score with hot babes. Harry: Wait, what? Snape: Class dismissed. (Ron and Hermione leave, but Harry stays) Harry: Wait, wait, hang on. Hot babes? Snape: Vamos, Mr. Potter. Harry: Teach me! Snape: No. Skidaddle. (Harry leaves) Dumbledore: Hello, Severus! Snape: Hello, headmaster. Dumbledore: I need to borrow some wizard liquids. Snape: I'm fresh out, sir. Dumbledore: How about enchanted juice? Snape: Nope. Dumbledore: How about expired Gorilla Milk? Snape: That has no magical properties, sir. Dumbledore: On contrast, Snape-a-doodle, it's done a wonder on me bowels! Snape: Okay, whatever, this way.


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