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I am 20 and have been dating my boyfriend on and off for almost 3 years (9 months on this time). I love him very much, but there are somethings I don't realize I've needed or have been missing until I cheated. I've cheated on him twice with the same guy. Once in late April and then this past weekend. I told him about the first time and we were on the rocks for a while. We ended up staying together and he even bought be a promise ring.
I don't like the second guy more. Actually I find it incredibly easy to pick out flaws in the guy I cheated with. The sex isn't better with him. it's just a change and for some reason I want it more when I'm with him...and not with my boyfriend. I hate hurting my boyfriend but now being back with him makes me so irritated with everything he does. It's like now I'm annoyed with everything I used to think was cute. I keep measuring the guys up to each other even though I have no intention of breaking up with my boyfriend for the other guy. I hate thinking that I'm doing it for the convenience factor. The guy I cheated with goes to my college where as my boyfriend goes to college more than an hour away.
I would love to stop cheating. I know I can. I know that's the right thing to do. I just worry I'll never be content with my boyfriend knowing there is certain things I just won't be able to get from him. I can't even explain what. It's just the way the other guy kisses. Certain personality traits that are different. How he tells me how beautiful he thinks I am. My boyfriend does say that to me but for some reason I believe it more coming from the other guy. I can't talk to any of my friends about this. My two female friends who found out about the cheating in April frowned upon it then and have both warned me. I don't think they understand the whole situation. I also don't want to go to any other friends in fear of judgment or gossip. I am a very open minded person but I feel like no one else is. not even open minded enough to hear me out on this. If you're going to respond to this just telling me I'm a slut and how awful cheating is, don't waste my time. I just need someone's advice...someone who won't judge.
What else can I help you with?
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