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I can tell you a couple of the reasons why, as I am going through loads of relationship questions with MY N right now.

They take what they know bothers their partner the most, as early on in the relationship she or he was trusting enough to bare the soul to the N and they use it against them.

I've found out that most partners of Ns are warm and caring - their favorite victims. In my case - my N knows that I live for "total intimacy" with my partner as we discussed it's importance many times when he was pretending to be that "other person".

The N then uses the silent treatment, apathy or a general current of hosility to throw their partner off balance. One of the reasons is a need for the N to find out exactly how much control they have over you. Another reason is to "punish" you for something you failed to do or some wrong you DID (and most likely are unaware of). Of course, if you ask your N about it they will deny, deny, deny it.

  • I believe the narcissist also uses the silent treatment as a way to get a reaction from his partner. All narcissist use the silencing technique as a way to validate the amount of control they have over a person. Like many of us, we would ask a narcissist what is wrong, why are you ignoring me, etc. This allows the narcissist power and control. It allows him/her the power to do whatever they wish and when you don't accept their behavior or reject their behavior, they will then use the silencing tool again to draw you back to hell.
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15y ago

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