Why does one feel so sad at leaving a relationship with a narcissist even after accepting the futility of the situation?

Answer 1

Ending a relationshipEnding a relationship is a very sad experience in and of itself. It is not necessary, or even appropriate, to consider the good or bad nature of the person now departed from the relationship. A loving relationship causes one to bind things and places and words to someone else, and those connections are now going to have to be overridden with connections to new people or simply deprived of their former significance. As an example, a ringing phone at a particular time that formerly signified the voice of a loved one: now that ringing sound must be deprived of its former significance. These changes to your mind and sensibility take time, but the sadness and loss will gradually subside and in time can be replaced with memories of the good times, those happy moments which surely were a part of your loving relationship, and those memories will make you a better and maturing person. AnswerWhen you first meet someone of course one falls in love (hopefully the other person falls in love with you too.) There are good times and good memories at the beginning until the true side of the narcissist or abuser comes out. Narcissists in particular are very hard to spot because they are smooth and great chameleons and can fool many around them, but being human, the truth eventually comes out.

You are remembering the good times and the change in the narcissist is so sneaky that there are times when you think you are partially to blame, but you aren't! Narcissists are much like physical/verbal abusers where they use their web of deceit and then they pounce on their prey. Before the victim knows what has happened they are caught up in the web of mind boggling games, arguments and in some cases physical abuse. There is always mental abuse because the narcissist is part perfections and ego-maniacal.

No matter how bad the relationship turned out you gave up part of your life for this person and between slightly blaming yourself and wondering if you could have done something to change it, you also feel betrayed. It's tough to suddenly find you have been rejected and made to feel that you aren't worthy of this person (it's all in their own minds of course) and now that you are away from it you are going through an actual grieving process. Grieving just isn't reserved for pining over the loss of a loved one, but we can grieve over a broken relationship, losing our home to fire/flood, etc. Any trauma will force us into a grieving process.

You are strong! You're going through something very natural and things will change for the better. Consider yourself very lucky that you actually got away from this person. Once you have finished grieving you'll be out there having fun and will meet the right person.

Good luck

ANSWER

you feel sad because part of the abusers game is to lull you into a false sense of security and trust so that they can continue their con. it is this wonderful fantasy world that they provide, that induces the sadness. you think " if only they were the person that they seemed to be...." but as you know , they are definitely not. understand that most all of the love and beauty that the abuser provided was just a smoke screen to allow them to continue their game.