When being chased by a gorilla how can one escape without messing up one's hair?

Answer 1

Although one's life is valuable in itself, one's hair too is valuable. If one were to be torn limb from limb by a giant silverback gorilla, it would be rather embarrassing to be found dead with a bad hair day. Nobody would respect a person to whom an event like this occurred. I know that I would certainly deny any relations to such a person. This is why the time spent running is better spent fixing one's hair. In the event of one's death, one will die with dignity, honor, and nicely fixed hair. The question at hand however is how to escape. The only way to do so would be to heavily cover one's cranium with hairspray. For a hairstyle to survive a gorilla attack, one would need enough hairspray on hand to puncture a decent sized hole in the ozone layer (not that one should care about the ozone at a such a critical time). The only other way to escape while keeping one's hair in favorable condition, would be to act like a gorilla and speak to the gorilla in a gorilla type manner. This however would only work for a very large, unattractive victim. If one could be passed off as a gorilla, there are problems far past the hair, and the best option may in fact be to pour A1 sauce on one's body, lie down and wait for the ending to a hideous existence. I hope this has proved helpful and I very much hope that you did not type this question while running from a gorilla. That would be most unfortunate.