How can you get your abusive boyfriend to leave?

Answer 1

People are not objects. You cannot "get them" out or into anything, let alone a relationship. You can help her/him acknowledge that s/he is the victim of abuse, offer unconditional support, and assist with practical details.

Answer 2

You plan for it! When your abuser is at work then start packing a very few personal things and hiding the suitcase where he/she can't find it. DO NOT make any calls directed at leaving on your phone at home or on your cell. Also don't leave messages you have sent on the computer regarding your abusive mate. If you must call people do it from a friends home or a pay phone or someone else's cell. Please call your local Women's Abuse Center (if you can't find the # as the operator will be glad to assist you or call your Mental Health and they will direct you.) You will see a counselor and be able to tell your story. YOU ARE NOT in a court of law and these women in the Abuse Center are well aware of what men can do to women and even the children. They will listen, wipe your tears and then get what they call a "profile on you" so they can understand what your needs are. You will most likely be sent a "safe house" or "transition house." Once there you will have chores to do, and it's a MUST you attend the programs offered because they give you tools so you won't go back to your abuser or pick another abusive partner. A large percent of abused women either go back to their abusers or choose other abusive men because the woman lacks self esteem (she has been brain-washed.) There is legal counsel there and a counselor will actually go to court with you and in British Columbia we have a high rate of abused women winning in court. They will often help you get set-up in your own apartment and help you find a job. You must also realize you are neither weak or ALLOW this behavior. You are a woman and simply are caught up in fear, brain-washed, and don't know who to trust. It will take some counseling for you to trust again, but be reassured not all men are abusive. Good luck hon!

Answer 3

It is important to have support - friends, family or members of the community. In the US, there should be a near-by shelter for women and their children who are trying to leave abusive relationships. The most important thing to consider is your safety and the safety of your children. Please consider that when a child witnesses abuse of their mother, this can be more harmful then them receiving the abuse themselves.

Call your local police department and they can give you numbers of local shelters. Some shelters are quite nice and set up just like private homes with roommates.

Good blessings to you. I hope you find a light at the end of the tunnel.

Answer 4

The first step towards leaving an abusive relationship, in my personal point of view, is to believe or at least try your very best to believe that you deserve way better than this. I know how we tend to make excuses for our loved ones behaviours but seriously speaking, do you think he/she will hurt you either physically or emotionally, put you down, make you cry, threaten you or make you feel guilty all the time if he/she actually loves you like he/she's telling you?! NO! So you have to wake up and fight back! You have to fight back for your esteem, happiness, well-being and most importantly to get your life back! Maybe he/she has some issues...maybe they come from a broken family..or whatever but is it really fair to take all their anger and fear out on you? NO! Even if they take it out on a pet like a dog, they could get sued and be seriously in trouble. So why a nice, caring, loving human being like you!

Here are some tips I followed when I was fighting my way out of an abusive relationship:

1.) Believe with all your heart that YOU DESERVE BETTER.

2.) Realize the fact that they might love you in some way but they don't love you enough to care about your feelings.

3.) Tell your family and friends about what you're going through and ask for help (from my experience, I was being isolated from everyone at first so it was harder to fight back by myself but once there were people who knew what he was doing to me and stood by me, he backed off).

4.) Read books such as Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry by Albert Bernstein, Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by M.S. Paul T. Mason , Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. Just to name a few.

5.) DO NOT GO SOFT when they apologize or beg or "promise" to change (my ex knelt before me and cried and begged with his forehead touching my foot so I gave in but the abusive behaviors did not change a tiny bit).

6.) Personally, listening to empowering, inspirational or encouraging songs helped so I'm just going to give you a few songs: Beautiful by Christina Aguilera, Through The Rain by Mariah Carey, I Will Survive by Enrique Iglesias, Irreplaceable by Beyonce, Heart by Britney Spears, Show n' Tell by Cherish, Fool 4 You by Cherish, Over You by Daughtry, Make Yourself by Incubus, Remember That by Jessica Simpson, Better In Time by Leona Lewis, Thank you by Jamelia, Fighter by Christina Aguilera, Survivor by Destiny's Child, Points of Authority by Linkin Park, I Don't Need A Man by Pussycat Dolls.

7.) Believe in the fact that you will one day get back on your track, BE HAPPY, be surrounded with people who love you and appreciate you and that all of this will just be a distant memory.

8.) You should also get professional help (or read the self-help books I mentioned at the very least) to undo the damages done on you (the verbal abuse, the guilt trips, being called names, being put down, getting hit, etc).

9.) Always remember that most of the people aren't worth your tears and the ones who do, they will never make you cry!

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I agree with the above contributors' answer; but I think there's a first step easier than believing in your heart you deserve better. I mean, if victims believed that (or could believe it easily), then there would be no victims. During my marriage, I did not even QUESTION whether I deserved better because I did not understand that I was being abused.

Then after I realized he abused me, I believed I did NOT "deserve" better. Maybe I wanted better, but I'd married him and a promise is a promise (I told myself). On top of that, I felt trapped financially AND I believed he would change when he saw how much his words/actions hurt. I set out to "change the dynamic in our relationship" - which did not work (See #5 above: Don't go soft).

Staying with an abuser is an emotional choice. Leaving an abuser cannot be an emotional choice because your emotions are confused when it comes to your abuser. Numbers 4, 6, and 8 above are the way to get your heart out of the way so you can detach from your abuser before you leave. Detaching is a process of the mind: you can learn to analyze what the abuser says instead of absorbing it or fighting it.

For example, when s/he says something that makes you feel small, you can recognize the feeling and say to yourself "Oh! S/He is trying to make me feel less than I am! It is time to stop listening to this nonsense and find something better to do."

Detaching also makes it easier to set personal boundaries. Although personal boundaries are born of emotion, it takes your brain to enforce them. You can set boundaries way before you're ready to leave (unless your abuser physically assaults you - then you gotta go now!).

Along with detaching and setting personal boundaries, it is a very good idea to develop a safety plan. There are plenty online, but I'm partial to the one I created for Verbal Abuse Journals. A well-developed safety plan makes deciding what to do easier because you already wrote down what you would do if.... All three of those actions are "thinking" instead of "feeling" activities. When you are able to observe your abuser and think more than you feel when s/he acts out, then it is MUCH easier to do Step 1: Believe with all your heart that you deserve better.

And you DO deserve much better.

Answer 5

First of all, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED! Second, There are 3 ways you can go about this,

1: sneak out and run like you're life depends on it and stay with some one you trust and that will keep you safe.

2: seek help from the police or as a both get some one you trust to help you out.

3: confront them and tell them you have had enough and walk out.

(This one I most centennially do not recommend)

The safest and probably the most sensible one to do is run like heck and get you're self help asap! (as soon as possible)

Answer 6

well i went threw this b4 and i handle it differently he only hit me once and i beat him up but he may be stronger than u so tell a parent and some friends or maybe an older brother but dnt try to handle it if u cant becuz u might get hurt really bad good luck

Answer 7

Simple leave him and no matter what you will tell that he loves you and he will change. yes he will for about a week and will start again with the abuse. People like that will never change, until he has destroyed your life then he will move on.

Answer 8

You have to want to get out of the abusive situation.

Answer 9

-Pray about it. -Call the police. -Get counseling on how to get him to leave. -Don't be afraid of him but don't be risky by standing up to him. -