Is it a sin for a 16 and 21 year old to be in love?

Answer 1

It is never a sin to fall in love; however, it may turn out to be a highly inappropriate relationship. A sixteen-year-old is in one stage of development and should be in the process of distinguishing themselves emotionally from their parents and becoming more self-aware. This is a time to enjoy healthy peer relationships, have fun without the full responsibilities of adulthood, and develop a more mature relationship with their parents.

A twenty-one-year-old man should have already found their own identity separate from their parents, be taking on the responsibility of caring for themselves: i.e. pursuing or just finishing their education, finding a steady job which can evolve into a career, and taking responsibility for finding housing, paying bills in a timely manner, handling their finances wisely and exploring ways to invest in their future so they can eventually marry and have children if they so wish.

A teenage girl who seeks the security of being with an adult male is usually flattered that an older man is interested in them. Sometimes the boys her age may seem immature by comparison (they are!) and not as exciting, because an adult man can take her to do things a younger boy may not. As flattering as this may seem, sometimes there is a good chance that the man is immature and unable to relate to women his own age.

There are also instances in which the teenager is having trouble in her relationships with her parents and is seeking another "parent" to care for her. There is also a difference between being "in love" and "loving" another person, which a teenager does not usually have the capacity to understand as yet. This is normal. Being "in love" involves a range of emotions, most of which involve a certain neediness "I can't live without him," or self-denial "I would do anything for him," and excitement "My heart skips a beat every time I lay eyes on him." Mature love is shown through the virtues of patience, kindness, lack of jealousy, and setting the best interest of both parties as a priority among others.

But the more serious matter is that of sex and the virtue of self-control. If a 21-year-old has sex with a 16-year-old this is "statutory rape" and he will face criminal charges if it is brought to the attention of the authorities. If you care about this boy, you will not want to encourage him to take this risk; and if he cares about you, he will not take advantage of your immaturity and naivete.

It is time to look into what is best for both of you (which is to wait until you are at least 18 before pursuing this relationship any further), and to look honestly inside yourelf to see if you are trying to escape something in your own life, for example: loneliness, a lack of close friends, not enough interests or hobbies, or better communication with your parents. They need to know that you need reassurance that your they love you even if you are growing up and have your own thoughts and opinions.

Tell him you need some time, find a new hobby, make a new friend and, above all, talk to your parents about your doubts and fears and your need for some guidance. From the way you phrased your question, you may also choose to speak to someone in your faith community (such as a priest, pastor or rabbi) or a female teacher or counselor in your church, synagogue, or temple.