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Dysfunctional and emotional conflicts have roots in FEAR.

In conflict management, the acronym FEAR means

  • F = False
  • E = Evidence
  • E = Appearing
  • R = (as) Rational

As an example, an adult son is in conflict with his parents about continuing to live with them. The adult son believes his parents will call him a failure because he lost his job and went through a divorce. The parents expressed their frustration with their son's predicament as "My son, DON--meaning 'Do Only Nothing'." and they said he accuses them of being 'DON' toward him and his needs. The FEAR factors are strong on both sides, and because of FEAR neither side talks until one of them blows up. The FEAR Truth is the son looks for a job every day-- and his parents try to help him every day. Neither have rational feelings, because feelings are not rational.

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