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When parents separate, whether married or unmarried, custody of all children will need to be established. Parents who agree on child custody will need to file a parenting plan with the court that outlines the conditions of custody. When parents cannot agree on custody of the children, it will be left for the courts to decide.

When a judge has to determine custody, in most states he will set it based on what is in the best interest of the child. When deciding what would be in the best interest of the child, the judge will look at many different factors. First, the judge will look at where the child currently resides. Where does the child attend school? Is the home a safe environment? The judge will also look at the relationships the child may have with siblings and other relatives, and which parent will be better able to maintain those relationships in the future. Rarely will a judge separate siblings. The parent who is the primary caregiver of the child will usually get preference. This is the parent that bathes the child, drives the children to school and other events, who attends parent teacher conferences, and most other responsibilities involving direct contact with the child.

Parents who can determine custody themselves can choose to share custody of the child. Joint custody is when both parties are equally responsible for decision making. Though both parents make decisions regarding the child, the child will not necessarily spend an equal amount of time with each parent. The parent with whom the child spends the most time has primary physical custody of the child.

When one parent is responsible for the decision making, that parent has sole custody. When a parent is given sole custody, the other parent is almost always granted visitation. Visitation is set in a parenting plan and will outline times the children are to spend with the noncustodial parent. This will include weekends, breaks from school, and a schedule for the holidays.

Custody issues can be the most difficult part of any divorce proceedings, and can become very painful for everyone involved. Children can also suffer during these times, so be sure that their needs are being attended to and that they are not being used as pawns between the parents.

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