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First, check yourself into an insane asylum; chimps are about the worst pets in the whole world (in fact most primates are; ask anyone who has worked with them). A chimp is essentially a much stronger, not-toilet trained, even more tempermental teenager that could attack its owner at any time. Even trained individuals will get attacked and sometimes disfigured/killed (chimp males' first target is usally the scrotum---they rip off other chimps' scrotums in fights and captive chimps have ripped off human males' scrotums as well).

If you still want a chimp, you will have to either get it illegally (they are an endangered CITES animal, so regardless of where you live, in any country on earth it is illegal to own one and usually comes with stiff fines and some jail depending on the country) OR you will have to go through lots of training etc and obtain lots of money to build a facility where they will let you have one. The training depends on what you want to do with it; you could get a PhD and get hired by a primate research facility or get the millions of $ it costs to build one with grants, you could get other higher degrees to work in chimp rescues, etc.

Once you get the chimp, you'll want to have a special location for it or at least make it wear diapers, since you can't toilet train them (it makes sense---they live up in the canopy so their poo never bothers them so they never learned not to foul their own den like dogs and such). You'll need to get monkey chow and supplemental food, especially fruits (but be careful about which ones; some can harm monkeys and apes). And then you'll want to pray that everything works out ok.

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17y ago

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