Why after all this time do you feel as low again as you did 8 years ago?

Answer 1

I was deeply in love with a women some 8 years ago now, who for two years mentally abused me, she would say and do the most horrendous, hurtful things, and frequently lie to me. when I asked her to stop, she would claim I liked her to treat me that way, and that I was unstable and sick. Here is an example of how far she could go : Although she had children from her first Marriage she had subsequently had three abortions with different boy friends whom she had been seeing in between her husband and me. whilst I was with her she informed me I had got her pregnant, but it was ectopic. I was at my wits end with worry about her. When she went into hospital she forbid me to go with her, telling me I could visit the following day, giving me strict times that I could visit, saying her friends and family would be visiting her at other times and the hospital would only allow two visitors at any one time. I was told if I did not stick to these visiting times she would end her relationship with me, something she knew would destroy me. Some months after she finally dumped me for another guy. A mutual friend told me later that she had been seeing somebody else at the same time as the ectopic pregnancy, and she had in fact, fallen pregnant to him not me, and he had been at the hospital with her for the operation and also all the times I was not allowed to visit. I was distraught and severally Traumatized by the whole relationship. After a considerable time of deep grief. I finally realized something was wrong with me to have put up with it for so long, so I sought help, and through therapy, and plenty of reading matter tackled the co-dependant problem I had. Although I still have huge trust issues and now have a slight social phobia problem, I did stabilize, and put the whole sorry episode behind me. Until a few weeks ago, I bumped into another friend of hers and she told me she had been seeing some guy for two years or more now and that later this year she is getting married to him. Since then I have spent hours chewing over in my mind, why someone like that can go on to live happily ever after, whilst I am left still unattached and have a fear of becoming emotionally attached to anyone. On hearing such news I feel guilty, for not being happy for her, instead I'm feeling such terrible sadness. It almost makes me feel that maybe she was correct when she told me I was the one with all the problems. So why now, after all this time do I feel as low again as I did 8 years ago ?