Why do the majority of people everywhere believe love can't be rekindled after one says it is definitely over and why is everyone so negative?

Answer 1

I posted the above question hoping Marcy or another wise and compassionate person might help me with the above question. My relationship of 3.5 years with a wonderful woman who loved me intensely and wanted to marry 10 months ago, ended after a series of mistakes I made that made it untenable. I committed totally after she walked out and I realized what I had lost--she had given me The Little Prince to read at the beginning of our relationship and I didn't read it until we separated. I had always doubts about her emotional and intellectual depth and that book was the key to understanding her. She was accepting of so many of my emotional problems, and simply wanted to love me, be totally honest, and work life out together. Now I see the loss of my wife, children, a future, my best friend, lover, and play pal, and I so badly want to spend the rest of my life with her. My friends on my side, her brother too, maybe her family, but she SAYS she is certain she never goes back and is comfortable with her decision. I tell her I only want to love her, nurture, appreciate, care for her and raise a family with her. She tells me she does not want this, and that it is selfish for me to want this when she does not--she would never have children with someone so selfish. I might be emotionally autistic because I became aware of what it takes to nurture a relationship just as the love of my life walked out the door. I am receiving counseling from Jesuit priests who advise that no one knows what life brings, including her, that the ambiguity of life and destiny are forcing me into an uncomfortable zone where I will grow, and that she may be very fearful of reuniting. Virtually all the literature, and online advice boards I've perused including this one say move on, love is out there, just 'buck up'. But I know who I want, and why I want her, and I can't move on no matter how much I try. I don't think it's desperate, and while so many consider my belief unhealthy, I think so many are too easily tempted to quit and pursue something fresh. I believe as a romantic and idealist, and I feel very alone. I would love to hear justifications for when or why a person should quit when true love has been found. And I would love to hear how a person can help rekindle that love when the other person says 'no way, it's over'. Thanks, J in LA PS I'm in my mid-30s and totally in love with this woman.