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first of all, it's being 9 years old and

feeling like you're not finished, like your

edges are wild, like there's something,

everything, wrong, it's dropping food coloring

in your eyes to make them blue and suffering

their burn in silence. It's popping a bleached

white mophead over the kinks of your hair and

primping in front of mirrors that deny your

reflection. It's finding a space between your

legs, a disturbance at your chest, and not knowing

what to do with the whistles, it's jumping

double dutch until your legs pop, it's sweat

and Vaseline and bullets, it's growing tall and

wearing a lot of white, it's smelling blood in

your breakfast, it's learning to say **** with

grace but learning to **** without it, it's

flame and fists and life according to Motown,

it's finally having a man reach out for you

then caving in

around his fingers.

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14y ago

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