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Try using I'm, me, If, why ,when

Here is an example:

Old: I like to practice magic. I have found that there is no rush like pleasing a crowd. I enjoy making others smile and wonder.

New: Magic is rather important to me. While some consider it silly, magic allows a connection between people that cannot be achieved through dialect alone. There is no rush like pleasing a crowd; and making others smile and wonder is everything to me.

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15y ago

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