Why is filial piety a problem in Asia?

Answer 1

Based on my experience growing up with a Chinese mother and a Dutch father, I would say that the Confucian concept of "filial piety" is simply misinterpreted and overrated.

I have witnessed, first hand, how Chinese(as well as other Confucian-influenced societies) elders and adults seem to display an air of condescending entitlement merely due to being a generation or two before you. My mother expects me to be ready to answer 24/7, much like a dog. My aunt and is nosy and controlling, yet isn't known to make good descisions. My grandmother expects me to do her bidding despite little impact in my life, also the simply fact she has mental issues along with being extremely self-centered. Funny is that none of my mother's siblings can stand her, yet my mother still scolds me for not being able to put up with her(simply because I am a younger generation...). Such treatments made me resentful and frustrated over the years.

Observing my European father and how his interactions with his family seem more harmonious; it reinforces the notion that respect is earned not given. Moreover, Confucius also said one should treat others the way it wants to be treated. As a result, my relationship with my father is far better than with my mother.

Lack of self respect may be the reason why they entrench themselves in this mis-defined notion of filial piety. One will notice the less a family adheres to this misconception, the more functional it is. One with less self respect is more likely to press down on those below him/her. It has become more convenient over the last thousand years thanks to those who dogmatized this notion where elders are entitled to unquestionable deference regardless of how they treat their children. Instead of working on cultivating reciprocal relationships between 2 people in respect to the Confucian way, they have been brainwashed by distorted Song Dynasty interpretations which emphasize hierarchy.

Elders should lead by example, not by position. It is also more constructive to focus on building functional two-way relationships (4 basic Confucian relations). This must be based on mutual respect and tolerance, not entitlement and condescendence.

Note: some researcher have found archaeological evidence suggesting that 12th Century Confucianism (which constititutes the majority of modern Chinese thought) may have indeed been mis-defined. Meanwhile, there are literature by scholars who question the authenticity of modern Song Dynasty-based Confucianism.