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Are narcissists especially choosy about the physical appearance of their partners?
There is a great black comedy called "High Heels" with Jean Paul Belmondo and Mia Farrow, about a man who would seem to fit all NPD criteria who swears by only choosing "homely" women ... it rang a little too true for comfort.
It seems to me that often the more narcissistic among us tend to gravitate towards what they perceive to be "flawed" partners (overweight, plain, disabled), in order to feel secure, not least with their own sense of superiority.
On the face of it, there is no (emotional) partner or mate, who typically "binds" with a narcissist. They come in all shapes and sizes. The initial phases of attraction, infatuation and falling in love are pretty normal. The narcissist puts on his best face � the other party is blinded by budding love. A natural selection process occurs only much later, as the relationship develops and is put to the test.
Living with a narcissist can be exhilarating, is always onerous, often harrowing. Surviving a relationship with a narcissist indicates, therefore, the parameters of the personality of the survivor. She (or, more rarely, he) is moulded by the relationship into The Typical Narcissistic Mate/Partner/Spouse.
First and foremost, the narcissist's partner must have a deficient or a distorted grasp of her self and of reality. Otherwise, she (or he) is bound to abandon the narcissist's ship early on. The cognitive distortion is likely to consist of belittling and demeaning herself � while aggrandising and adoring the narcissist. The partner is, thus, placing himself in the position of the eternal victim: undeserving, punishable, a scapegoat. Sometimes, it is very important to the partner to appear moral, sacrificial and victimised. At other times, she is not even aware of this predicament. The narcissist is perceived by the partner to be a person in the position to demand these sacrifices from her partner, being superior in many ways (intellectually, emotionally, morally, financially).
The status of professional victim sits well with the partner's tendency to punish herself, namely: with her masochistic streak. The tormented life with the narcissist is, as far as the partner is aware, a just punitive measure.
In this respect, the partner is the mirror image of the narcissist. By maintaining a symbiotic relationship with him, by being totally dependent upon the source of masochistic supply (which the narcissist most reliably constitutes and most amply provides) � the partner enhances certain traits and encourages certain behaviours, which are at the very core of narcissism.
The narcissist is never whole without an adoring, submissive, available, self-denigrating partner. His very sense of superiority, indeed his False Self, depends on it. His sadistic Superego switches its attentions from the narcissist (in whom it often provokes suicidal ideation) to the partner, thus finally obtaining an alternative source of sadistic satisfaction.
My n thinks that he must have the most beautiful woman, and if I am not perfect he is not very nice. He had an ex girlfriend that was big and he made fun of her and talks about the faft he deserves so much better. Why did she ever think I could love someone like that. Awful things. In my experience they want the most beautiful and perfect person, but it may be different for others.
My narcissist was an equal-opportunity-user. It seemed like whoever met him owed him a contribution to him for being charming and special. It worked on everybody. The more selfish and desperate he became over the years his choices in partners weren't as choosy. Nowdays, it seems like he'll hook-up with anyone for awhile, but people in his life burn-out fast. Sure hurts my ego that "the special look" I had was probably that of an unsuspecting mark.
For the narcassist men they want a hot looking woman but once they get her they feel its threat. They often will chose not so attractive in order to completely use and discard them. But a good looking woman is a threat as they know she will probably be on the lookout for somin better.
Yes. You've got to scratch up to an image he can handle. Remember, you will be hanging around with him for a while so he doesn't want to be shamed. Mind you, if you forget to pluck those eyebrows or your roots need doing he will tell you in a crowded restaurant or in a check-out line-up if need be. If he has a tan, you will have to have a tan. If he swims, you will have to swim. He will always smell nice and be adorned with jewellry. His appearance will be perfect and you will have to keep up to the point where you will feel like the uglier twin.
Good lord yes! It seems to be the main criterion! But also a narcissist will take over your appearance after awhile. Mine loved to shop, but it was so he could pick out my clothes. He made me and the girlfriend who came after me color our hair deep black. He nagged me about make-up. He picked out lenses for my glasses. He went as far as to start combing my hair for me when I made him stop. They don't always go for what society deems conventional beauty, but they are very very vested in the appearance of their partners, and they are looking for a specific thing. They tend to repeatedly pick out people with certain looks that they like. This goes for their close friends as well as the significant other. They like to have friends that compliment their look. If your appearance changes, you will hear a lot of complaints and a narcissist might actually leave you over this issue.
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Narcissism? You don't know! Narcissism, an excessive, love and admiration of oneself, often a regression to an infantile state, is a character trait that can easi…ly misinterpreted. To some degree all of us are narcissistic. Self-love comes before Other-love as we grow up. Some of us never reach the stage of Other-love. Sometimes narcissism in an adult is no more than the fear of Other-love. Teach your partner, by telling him/her what to do. Maybe he/she is shy. Intimate relationships sometimes open up repressed feeling. Talk about it. Talk about feelings. You'll be surprised how you can ease things. Read more about "Private realities" in Meyer's "Marriages, Shack-ups and Other Disasters."
You go to court usually. It is never all that simple. If he perceives you to be the more powerful, use it. For example, the narcissistic business guy I knew would rather die …than have his reputation (as he perceives it) ruined in our business community. So he would cave when that was threatened by someone "above him". If you have the weaker hand, expect to lose something or go to court.
So you feel sorry for them so you think he/she is so open and honest. To get your trust so you let down your barriers so they can find out your vunerabilities and then p…lay on your vunerabilities as a way to manipulate and control you.
No chance, he will lie and lie and even if you can prove it will turn it round that you are going nuts and seeing things, but confess, no chance. If he or she is and you… can prove it, gahter ALL your evidence, then leave, for one thing is sure if you can pove it and do prove it you will have to pay the price so dont stick around afterwards.
yes they do mine assaulted me 3 times last time strangling me going through a court case at the moment anyone know what to expect from a narcissist in the court room who is pl…eading not guilty and you having to testify
Narcissist's react to pain as if it consumes their life and everyone must be aware of their pain and adhere to their every beck and call. Usually they try to recify their reac…tion to pain by trying to over exagerate their illness or make it sound worst than it acually is. I live with one and someone who does not know him like I do would think that he is on death's door sometimes. This man is a Christian but he uses so many pain killers sometimes I question his faith.
yes, narcissistic people feel that themselves are the center of everthing, but at the end of the day.. everyone needs someone!
Only if you are sure they will take it the right way. They may get very angry at you and stop speaking to you.
"Without a doubt. All narcissists make sure they have multiple partners. That way if one partner doesn't work out (as in just give give and give some more to the narcissist un…til their is nothing left to give) the narcissist can move on to his next victim. The narcissist I knew well use to say he was the 'king' of picking up women. He said it was a hobby of his to collect numbers because he was so good at it. He told me that he would get several numbers in a day and that made him feel special. The only thing he had going for him was his looks and he knew this so finding multiple women to have sex with and use made him feel like he was God's gift to women, and he would tell you just that. They are not capable of having monogamous relationships nor do they want to. They need as many victims as they can get. To them collecting as many phone numbers as they can get is like a heroin fix to a drug addict." I totally agree with this answer if you are referring to men that are narcissist. But what about the women who can be considered narcissist? I'm no expert, but I don't think these women are incapable of monogamous relationships. Generally speaking they may have more partners over their lifetime as compared to other women, since they may get bored a lot faster. That alone does not mean that they would not prefer monogamy.
Once you recognize that your partner has that personality disorder - If you choose to stay with him or her - you must protect yourself. Do so by reading up on the disord…er - and UNDERSTAND what you are dealing with - read what the experts advise how to protect yourself. And do it. Remember that the narcissist is not going to change. YOU must understand that and change yourself - protect yourself. Remember always that your partner is not going to change. Ever. Good luck.
Talk to someone that you trust about it and get help.
no From my personal experience they can be. That is until the healthy part of the victim asserts itself.
A narcissist would not want to lose a person that plays up their narcissism. Like a person that constantly complimented them about their good looks, intelligence, personality,… etc and admired them. I bet they would regret losing someone like this, an infatuated kiss a**.
detach emotionally and leave Or stay and agree and be his/her slave you have to choose
It is what they do. Why do flies fly? That is what you would expect them to do. They are very self centered. That is why you don't get involved with people like that.
I think narcissists get bored with their lovers or partners, when that person no longer excites them as they did in the first flush. To an addictive personality like a narciss…ist, the first kiss, first sex, first time thrill of getting someone in bed is absolutely crucial to them, like water to a plant They cannot tolerate sameness, once the excitement in a new relationship wears off. In the normal world, we cannot constantly have an adrenaline fuelled high of falling in lust and love but the narcissist thinks we should, and seeks it out all the time. I know, I have just been dumped by one. It was a terrible experience and my self esteem was bottom of the pit. I realised he was getting bored with me over time. Nothing seemed to please him, he lost his temper with me and also criticized my body. By the way, he is 60 years of age so there is no hope it will ever change. He told me in not so many words he had found someone who could excite him again. He did not have the courage to tell me out right. He left without a word, and just texted me from somewhere ages after, and toldme that he was overseas. When he returned, he just told me he was unable to meet up as it was 'difficult'. The difficulty was that he had moved in with his new lover. I am still recovering. I lie awake at night asking all the usual questions, but it doesn't help. Am seeking therapy now. Genna