How can you co parent your daughter with your narcissistic ex husband without becoming a source of narcissistic supply for him?

Answer 1

Keep your conversations related to your daughter. Do not engage in any conversations about you, him, or your "wonderful past" (he'll conveniently "forget" the bad times). Be nice to him (I know, bite your tongue). Don't engage him in verbal sparring. He'll love that. Speak nicely of him to your daughter. However, show NO pity. Be "machine-like." If he calls to see if he can get your daughter, Sally, and you say, "Today is great. What time?" and he says, "I miss you. Maybe we should try again?" Your answer should be, "Picking up Sally today is great. What time?" DO NOT give in. DO NOT make the mistake of feeling sorry for him. That's how it starts. Stick to your plan. Rehearse what to say ahead of time if you have to. If he says he's changed, ask him for a note from his therapist, stating so. Works every time. For a great narcissist-Survivor group online including people who are having to co-parent with a Narcissist, check out: http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/general.msnw Be strong, ~ T

Answer 2

A narcissist creates a fabulous, grandiose personage known as the false self- everything he is not. He then sets out to collect the adulation, attention, respect, applause, and fear of others who reflect that false self back at him. That's his supply. He is in love with that reflection of his false self and those persons who aren't on to his game are his supply.

Since you have divorced him it is unlikely you will continue to be any supply source unless you haven't broken free of him and his lies. If you still fall prey to his outrageous, inflated sense of self and provide the needed worship and adulation then you need counseling. On the other hand, if you can manage your life on the reality side of things and make certain to discuss dad's bad habits with your child gingerly (so she won't be constantly disappointed and develop into a supply source) you can't become a supply source yourself. You are no longer a constant companion so keep your distance and feel comfort in the fact that you know his secrets. You won't be filling his needs anymore if you're smart.