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If you suspect that he is, the only way to really know is to sit down and talk to him about it. If you have a strong relationship, you'll know even if he isn't telling you the truth. Okay, stop and think for a moment. Your asking us this question and we don't know him. Your best bet is to ask yourself this question. Do you see signs that he is gay? Does he refuse to have sex with you? Only you can answer these quesitons. Only he knows the real truth. I personally was married to a guy that I didn't suspect he was gay until after a couple of years of being married. He wanted anal sex. Wow. The light bulb went off and I flat out ask him. He lied of course and after a few years we divorced. I was affraid of getting aids from him and he started cheating with another woman anyway. He lied about that too. Imagine that. At work there is this guy I have seen there for over 5 years and I could swear he was gay and he was married too. However, he and everyone else swore he wasn't. Well about 6 months ago the looser came out of the closet and treated his ex-wife like crap and talked badly about her. What an idiot. He lied to her, himself and before God. Gay guys are for the most part in denial. Then get all Tyra Banks on you when their called on their lies. If you really suspect it then your probably right. Who knows. Just be happy. It's a very emotionally draining situation and you should be happy. No one can make that happen but yourself. There are a few good books written concerning this topic. "The Straight Up Truth About The Down-Low" and "Straight Wives, Shattered Lives". Both books have stories of women who were married to gay men. The first books goes into the warning signs in great detail. Go to Amazon.com and purchase the books and you may see yourself in the women's stories. Good Luck to you.

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8y ago
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14y ago

There are a few good books written concerning this topic. "The Straight Up Truth About The Down-Low" and "Straight Wives, Shattered Lives". Both books have stories of women who were married to gay men. The first books goes into the warning signs in great detail. Go to Amazon.com and purchase the books and you may see yourself in the women's stories. Good Luck to you.

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7y ago

It is not always easy to tell as if he is he will hide it extremely well. You have to realize if this is something he is struggling with it has nothing to do with you this is with him and it would be extremely confusing and hurtful to him.

He would need someone with understanding, empathy and support to be able to speak out about such a subject. Try talking with him but do so calmly and get it out on the table if there is anything there - Explain to him why you would think this.

I realize this is not all about him as well, this will be understandably confusing for you to find out but if you two have been together as husband and wife there are feelings between you, a relationship/friendship and communication you should be able to talk and decide with one another where you want to go from here if it comes out that this is in fact what is going on.

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12y ago

Unless he comes out and tells you or you see him being intimate with a man you can't really know. I wonder why you would be suspicious towards the man you married though. Family counseling might be a good idea.

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14y ago

If they have a high-pitched voice that's a possible sign, but not reliable. If they don't spend time with you a lot, they might be gay but might also just be cheating on you.

If they seem to like you, but doesn't like sex with you, they might be gay, or you might just be unattractive to them.

You could just ask, but that would only give a definite conclusion if they answered in the affirmative.

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13y ago

If you married a man and want to know if he is gay, ask him. Don't be accusatory, or yell or confront, but have a quiet, peaceful conversation about it and any concerns as to why you think he is gay on the "down low" in the first place. If you want him to be honest with you, then you need to be honest with him and not go behind his back trying to find things out.

Communication is the best way to determine if anyone is gay, straight or bisexual. Too many people put assumptions as to what is gay "acting". Because someone watches a type of movie, says a certain thing or does something (other than actual sex with another man) does not make them gay. Just as the lack of doing those things doesn't make someone straight.

Answer this: What kind of underwear do gay men wear? It's an impossible question to answer. Of all the gay men in the world, not every one of them wears the same type of underwear. So saying someone is gay because they act "funny" or "different" is actually prejudicial and offensive. If you want to know if someone is gay, or anything for that matter, just ask them. Honesty and openness will go a long way. As they say, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

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12y ago

If his husband is also gay, then that is a good indication.

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11y ago

You can't really unless you catch them in on something.

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13y ago

The only sure fire way is to ask him.

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Q: How can you tell if your husband is on the down low gay?
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