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How does sadism play a role in the life of a narcissist who is not getting his way?
Georgette
Well sadism is the sexual enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist can best be described as a person who doesn't fully see other people as being as "real" or as fully important as himself. So, for the most part, while they may be cruel and seem to enjoy it, they aren't truly sadistic. But, generally a narcissistic person will behave like a toddler when he is not getting what he wants. So, that can involve the adult equivalents of biting, kicking, scratching, breaking your toys and having screaming tantrums. It is best to avoid people like this. They never truly grew up and need more help that you can provide.
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His sadism led to his downfall when he was caught by the police.
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Once a narcissist starts to give you the silent Treatment Which Has Been Going On For Months can you safely assume that will be the last you will here from them again?
oh, please don't fall for it,the way i did. and i tell you from experience, all the narcissist wants is ATTENTION, so he she wants you to beg for forgiveness, then he/she is gonna play hard to get, i don't consider it to be a healthy relationship to be giving all that attention a narcissist wants, because soon, whether you realize it or not he/she is only gonna want you for himself,oh and to actually answer your question, yes, i think that that was the last time you might have herd of him/her, because narcissist have a lot of pride and they are not gonna just let it go,but don't feel bad and get on with your life......luck:)
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Is there a link between narcissism and sexual sadism?
Sexual sadism has almost become a cult in it's own right and has been going on for centuries. All different personalities fit into the catagory. It's a preference by an individual even though over half of us may not understand why anyone would want to go through these actions. There are actually clubs that S & Mers can belong to and it's very private. Like "adrenaline junkies" (taking high risks in sports-related activities) people who seek out sadistic sex of any type (thank heavens most are harmless and they keep it amongst themselves) are not satified with "tame sex" and find no pleasure in it. Believe it or not there are more people than you can ever imagine who enjoy having pain inflected on them before the sexual act (sometimes that's all they want) during the sexual act and feel quite satisfied at the end of it all. If a narcissistic person happens to join one of these clubs or has a private life including S & M acts then that's all it is ... a choice of life. Marcy I don't know what studies show, but I believe narcissism can manifest itself this way. It did in my relationship. S & M is a choice of life if both parties agree to participate. When a non-narcissist is involved with a narcissist, the non is under duress and may agree to do things they don't enjoy or want to do to satiate the narcissist. But I think the real kick the narcissist gets out of it is twisting your brain so that you think you are okay with receiving pain, when really you are not. There's a huge difference between bdsm ***with consent*** and sadism without consent. The latter is deliberate cruelty and often involves assault. At bdsm clubs and in bdsm itself there may be a lot of acting, with people calling themselves 'masters' and 'slaves', 'tormentors' and 'victims' and so on, but there should NEVER a victim in any real sense. All concerned should be enjoying this particular little kink. To put it simply, most of the currently fashionable bdsm isn't really sadism; there is no victim, and it's a form of sexual play. The slogan is: 'Safe, sane, consensual'. The preferred terms are 'domination' and 'submission'. In fact, very few whose sexual play involves this kind of thing describe themselves as 'sadists'. Most object to the term. Bdsm activities require informed consent, freely given; there must always be a genuine possibility of refusing to participate (either altogether or in a particular activity) and there should never be pressure to consent or any emotional blackmail or anything along those lines. Cruelty and assault without consent involves real victims and is a completely different matter from playful, consensual bdsm. Real Sadism is abuse and should be treated accordingly. In the case of real sadism, the abuser derives sexual gratification from ill-treating treating his/her victim as a live sextoy. The real sadist doesn't care for a moment whether or not the victim is enjoying it and, worse still, usually gets an unholy kick from subjecting the victim to real suffering. He/she often gloats over the suffering victim. It's the sort of behaviour one associates with narcissism and ASPD (sociopathy). What's more, it is dangerous and there are victims, too. Joncey
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Cbt approach in terms of looking at safety behaviours/ defenses would be useful. The narcissist would need to have some insight and willing to change as with any therapeutic approach. The therapist would need to be very boundaried and not open to manipulation. Session homework should be contacted in. Where there are long term issues of childhood the narcissist may wish to explore psychotherapy although at some point they will need to be willing to change and narcissists often don't want to change. (Why would anyone if they get immediate gratification and addiction fed). However, for those narcissists that acknowledge the pain they put others through and want some continuity in their lives, therapy is an option. Even more so, the victims of narcissist abuse need help through the post trauma of the narcissist abandonment, and to learn to adhere to the no contact rule for their own sanity! The narcissist's return is never because they love you, no need to play detective, just accept you are one of many addictions, an object to play with until they start the cycle again. If you have emotions you won't be able to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. As Sam Vaknin has said, mirror the narcissist, but to do that you have to be non- emotional and acknowledge that he projects his own inadequacies onto you, blames you for the very things he does, plays on your guilt, lies and cheats. If you can avoid internalising this and give to the narcissist and have your own needs ignored, then you need to look at your self esteem. Do not lose yourself to a figment of your imagination, keep a journal of the narcissist behaviour, and move on. The narcissist will be hurt to see you move on, and happy as they have no control and that liberation will empower you.
How does a narcissist try to come back into your life?
Yes probably. He may have a new supply and when that fails he will come back. It's a game they like to play. He will hurt you by devaluing you and leaving. Then he will come back and you will be so happy. He has won. You will then try to do everything to please him so that he won't leave you again. But he will. It's all about control.
