If a Narcissist demands adulation and adoration why would she seem irritated by compliments?

Answer 1

== == == == == == == == There are three possibilities: * She isn't getting the right compliments. Narcissists can be picky at what they want to be complimented on. If they think fashion is cool and intelligence is useless, then they won't like being complimented on saying something smart. * She is just trying to fish out for more compliments. * This particular person might not be a narcissist to begin with. This is likely if the denial for compliment is consistent in the long term.

Could it be you have given her an unfair label? Seems to me the word "Narcissist" has been used a lot, and here is the definition for this word and you be the judge: Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brillance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion. Firmly convinced the he/she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high=status people (or institutions.) Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation, or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (narcissistic supply.) Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favourable priority treatment. Demands automatic and FULL compliance with his/her expectations. Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his/her own ends. Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him/her. Arrogant, haughty, behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted. I think most of us can fit into a few of these slots and it doesn't mean we are narcissistic at all. Our personalities are complicated and due to stress in our lives, etc., we can act out in strange ways. Therefore, it is important we look at the whole person before giving them such a label. Marcy Because in their inner core narcissists believe they are worthless and so these compliments to them are false. Do you mean the narcissist habit of having a problem with the way you compliment them? I think after a while it just doesn't do it for them any more. The kick wears off or something. They are like addicts and need a higher dosage. No one person can fulfill this need indefinitely. Sooner or later they will need a new person and a more exciting situation. This is not to imply there is anything non-exciting about you. You could be a three-ring circus and it wouldn't satisfy the narcissist. If you were mind-blowingly interesting 24 hours a day and never slept, before long they'd complain that they never got enough boredom. They will pick whatever it is you aren't doing at the moment and complain about it. It's like attending to a very grouchy 3-year-old who is hungry and hasn't had a nap. Why bother. If you want a child, there are real children out there who need adopting. And at least they will grow up and develop into someone emotionally mature one day. I wondered about this too. When I paid my N a sincere compliment, he got really cranky and said I was patronizing him. He would admonish me to "keep it real." The more I testified to my sincerity, the more he disbelieved me. It was weird and resulted in "walking on eggshells." Basically, he liked to control the compliments, he wanted them only when he could cue them to happen. If he got one spontaneously from me, he couldn't deal with it. I think the reason is because seeming modest can also elicit Narcissistic Supply and fool others into believing you are normal. The real goal is for someone to refute your modesty and tell you how wonderful you are and that you should not be so modest, and thus, you get your NS in a covert manner!