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There are four techniques of coping with a narcissist, whether male or female. (1b) Mirror His Behavior Mirror the narcissist�s actions and repeat his words. If, for instance, he is having a rage attack � rage back. If he threatens � threaten back and credibly try to use the same language and content. If he leaves the house � leave it as well, disappear on him. If he is suspicious � act suspicious. Be critical, denigrating, humiliating, go down to his level. (1c) Frighten Him Identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them. If a narcissist has a secret or something he wishes to conceal � use your knowledge of it to threaten him. Drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. Do it cleverly, noncommittally, gradually, in an escalating manner. Let his imagination do the rest. You don't have to do much except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. Needless to add that all these activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the good services of law offices and in broad daylight. If done in the wrong way � they might constitute extortion or blackmail, harassment and a host of other criminal offences. (1d) Lure Him Offer him continued Narcissistic Supply. You can make a narcissist do anything by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold Narcissistic Supply (adulation, admiration, attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.). (1e) Play on his Fear of Abandonment If nothing else works, explicitly threaten to abandon him. You can condition the threat ("If you don't do something or if you do it � I will desert you"). The narcissists perceives the following as threats of abandonment, even if they are not meant as such: Confrontation, fundamental disagreement, and protracted criticism When completely ignored When you insist on respect for your boundaries, needs, emotions, choices, preferences When you retaliate (for instance, shout back at him). Answer Before I got to your specific situation my answer was going to be the general one of Yes so long as you are willing to have no mind of your own, do all her bidding, praise her all the time....and even that might not be enuf. Now that I have read your situation my response is different. Your kids are 17 and 19. Why are they staying in that living situation? Why aren't they living with you? Why don't they have the gumption to function at another junction?
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Blogs will ultimately reveal the personality of their owners if the owner is writing it as him/herself. If you read the blog long enough you'll tell who is self-centered… and who is not.
Is it possible the son of a narcissist only has some narcissistic traits and therefore is not really a narcissist?
Answer Everyone has some degree of narcisistic tendencies. What you are refering to is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It isn't really important… whether someone does or does not technically has this because it isn't black and white; it is a continuum. If your narcissistic traits are causing problems for you, then you should get them treated. If you and your family and people close to you agree that they don't cause any problems at all, then don't worry about them. But you should definitely know your stuff about NPD so that you are well prepared for anything. The internet is the best way to learn about it. Narcissism and NPD can become worse with age, or it can go away. Read these Wikipedia articles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder#Diagnostic_criteria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism_%28psychology%29 -DJ Craig
I think the key here is "apparent" intimacy. The N I've dealt with is extremely good at making you THINK he's being intimate....actually he turns it on and off at (and for) hi…s pleasure. He goes in and out of being highly somatic and needing a sex partner, and when he's needy, he offers intimations of intimacy that are very appealing. He's capable of producing a certain boyish charm that is very hard to resist. It's so easy to think, "Oh, wow, this time he's different." Not so....he'll go back to being obviously selfish almost instantly once he's got whatever he sought. The selfishness, ego, and yes, callous cruelty, of these people is hard for a decent person to even grasp. Dealing with an N is an exercise in observing a highly skilled adult-size person who has the moral values of a spoiled two-year-old. Nothing worthwhile exists for them unless it provides their own goal of personal satisfaction--whatever that may be at the moment. They are the ultimate users. I totally agree with Georgette, the contributer above. "Apparent" intimacy is truly the key here. A month ago my N paid me a visit, and, oh, she was sooo sweet and so nice. Before I knew it we were back in bed for two nights. It was great!! She was so romantic - candles, soft music, taking a stroll down memory lane with all the great times we had together, and all the promises she had for the future. Three days later she emailed me saying the intimacy deal was off, and she hoped I wasn't upset and could we still make that trip we had planned together? She truly is quite a character. I emailed her back saying I had absolutely no idea of what she was talking about and did she mistake me for someone else? This turned her all friendly, friendly again. Amazing. To go back three years: We planned on getting married. I bought us a house, she moved in, became pregnant with our child one month before the wedding, and then ten days before the ceremony she called it off. The next day it was on again, we had the ceremony in a "Chapel in the Pines" (without the support of a marriage license - my last minute thought) we had a great honeymoon, came home, and then she decided she wanted to live alone. I never lived a day in the house I bought. Six years before that: I took her to Hawaii. We had a fabulous time. On our last day in the islands on the drive to the airport she broke up with me. Okey Dokey. Do you see the pattern: "Apparent intimacy", then take what you can get. Yes, she is a spoiled two-year-old. Her father says she lives in just one dimension - her own. He has asked me why I have ever put up with her and I say: Because if I didn't that would spoil all the fun, and second she has given me the most precious gift anyone could possibly receive - a son. I must put a disclaimer in here: Do not try this on your own, you results will vary!!!! This is definitely what you would call playing with fire and if you don't stay one step ahead of your "N" YOU ARE TOAST and you will live a miserable wretched existence. If you are in a "relationship" with a "N" I strongly advise that you run as fast as you can and don't ever look back. Answer #3:Answerer #2 appears to be a closet narcissist himself. Rather the closet narcissist is gratified by the re-enactment of past abusive relationships. In the narcissist, he feels that he has found a lost parent. he seeks to re-create old unresolved conflicts through the agency of the narcissist. There is a latent hope that this time, he will get it "right", that this emotional liaison or interaction will not end in bitter disappointment and lasting agony. Yet, by choosing a narcissist for his partner, he ensures an identical outcome time and again. Why should one choose to repeatedly fail in his relationships is an intriguing question. Partly, it has to do with the comfort of familiarity. The closet narcissist is used - since childhood - to failing relationships. It seems that he prefers predictability to emotional gratification and to personal development. There are also strong elements of self-punishment and self-destruction added to the combustible mix that is the dyad closet narcissist. not to mention how he appears hypomanic when thinking and interacting with the narcissist, (see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomania )which is a serious issue aggravated by the interaction with a narcissist. he never learned how to extricate himself from his attraction to the needy narcissist. People with Personality Disorders (PDs) are very afraid of real, mature, intimacy. Intimacy is formed not only within a couple, but also in a workplace, in a neighborhood, with friends, while collaborating on a project. Intimacy is another word for emotional involvement, which is the result of interactions with others in constant and predictable (safe) propinquity. Patients with personality disorders interpret intimacy as codependence, emotional strangulation, the snuffing of freedom, a kind of death in installments. They are terrorized by it. To avoid it, their self-destructive and self-defeating acts are intended to dismantle the very foundation of a successful relationship, a career, a project, or a friendship. Narcissists feel elated and relieved after they unshackle these "chains". They feel they broke through a siege, that they are liberated, free at last. By withholding love, intimacy, and the fulfillment of other people's desires and needs, the narcissist torments them even as he obstructs his own gratification. a narcissist's inability to give and take intimacy is not the partner's responsibility. The patient with a personality disorder is vulnerable to and prone to suffer from a host of other psychiatric problems. It is as though his psychological immunological system is disabled by the personality disorder and he falls prey to other variants of mental illness. So much energy is consumed by the disorder and by its corollaries (example: by obsessions-compulsions), that the patient is rendered defenseless. Narcissists are simply indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct and in their treatment of others. Their abusive conduct is off-handed and absent-minded, not calculated and premeditated.
Answer you will be very special to a narcissist for awhile. I believe a N really sees novelty in someone that gives him awe inspired attention. This is the… narcissistic supply that they must have. Your specialness can last for quite some time, but when a new supply that a N is impressed with comes along, your uniqueness will be just a nice memory for them.
answer Please let me apologize in advance for my sarcasm, but I wish this were always the case! If all the narcissists paired up, then they would leave all us norma…l folks alone... Seriously, I did read somewhere (in Sam Vaknin's site?) that there are two particular "types" of narcissists may do well for a time...Was it an inverted narcissist he was refering to? I don't quite remember.(Google: "inverted narcissist maybe?) I also read that there are folks out there that actually like being in a relationship with a narcissist!
Answer Please realize that this answer is based only on personal experience. I am not a psychology expert or trained to counsel. That sai…d, I can say, however, that I had an experience with an N which indicates that yes, they can APPEAR to be unselfish and noncritical. In the early days of our relationship, when he was evidently in "pursuit" mode, I could do no wrong. I was lovely, smart, amazingly wonderful, and deserved every consideration and wonderful thing imaginable. A few years later, when he had decided there was someone else who suited him better, I was threatened with divorce (which he later filed), told I was a rotten person in all ways, and was labeled an ungrateful witch (spell that with a "b")who had "used" him. I could go on...but you get the picture. I think it has to do with justifying their driving need to always appear to be a "good guy" and yet to always have what they want. This makes blaming others inevitable. In my experience, only time can reveal people's true motives. For an N, everything has to be about THEM. Be alert. ....from Georgette When they want something yes when they feel they are losing control and or they are trying to reel you in.
Only if you want to be used, abused, lied to and emotionally harmed more. Answer Yes, it is possible to reunite with a narcissist. Aside from teens, on-off relat…ionships are generally between those with NPD and those with BPD, because they're generally both afraid of both engulfment and abandonment.
A rubber 'nipple' for a baby to suck on, which sometimes soothes them to sleep.
It can be possible to be friends with a narcissist but do not expect much from this person. Also expect the friendship not to be very fufilling and mostly one sided (on your p…art) The one thing that does help is that you already know that he/she is a narcissist so you will understand why they do or say most things. I say give it a shot but do not expect too much like a friendship where that person will always be there for you no matter what because that just will not happen. I know this from experience. GOODLUCK!
One Perspective:Yes, narcissists generally feign confidence but don't actually have it. Another: To clarify, yes, it is possible, but unlikely. By definition n…arcissism is unrealistic, unjustified self-confidence.
Not really.... it only postpones the inevitable.. YOU being dumped OR your destruction in one from or another. IF anyone gets pacified.... it will be YOU. They DONT compromi…se well.
Yes, it is. Many sociopaths are narcissistic by nature (i.e. caring about themselves to an extreme). Munchausen's syndrome is related to narcissism, as it is focused on attent…ion-getting. Most sociopaths do not have Munchausen's, but most people with Munchausen's are probably sociopaths (or at least narcissists).
narcissism is driven by greed, of any form. they don't attract anyone
Sure. Take away their mirror.
It is highly likely that a child raised by very narcissistic parents will not become narcissistic. They might struggle to undo enmeshment, dependence, and approval seeking beh…aviors. It depends on how much the child perceives his or her own sense of otherness in comparison to his or her parent.
Yes, in my opinion, narcissism is a type of schizophrenia.