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Is it wrong to share the narcissistic abuse experience with others who know the narcissist?
Wiki User
∙ 8y ago
Secrecy is the abuser's weapon. Sharing with others exposes the abuser for what he is and, sometimes, puts a stop to his offenses.
It really depends on the relationship these people have with the narcissist. When I have told other people, they have eventually told him. He has then turned it around to him being MY victim and it has put me in a more dangerous situation. The narcissist is so good at turning it around. The thing is, most people think the narcissist is great and he is as long as you don't get involved with him on a emotional level. I totally trusted him. It frightens me of how wrong I was. Keep it to yourself and try and concentrate on getting better. There is a chance that no one will believe you anyway. They might end up thinking you're nuts! Good Luck.
I like this question. I am amazed that more people haven't answered it. In my situation, the abuser/narcisist started early on with what his friends thought of me and they were very negative descriptions. It basically kept me away from his friends.it also kept me thinking there was something wrong with me.
there was this one situation where I had to drive 60 miles with a friend of his and I had a great time chatting with this guy. We also had dinner. It was fun. Now this guy was a new friend and they did not know each other very well. Befor we arrived at our point of destination, to meet with my ex/his friend we had a chat and I asked him if he thought I was an o.k. person. He said yes and that he would want to be my friend as much as he was friends with my ex. I told him that the ex was telling me that his friends thought I had a problem or something like that...He looked square at me and said that's a mind - f �����. He then went on to say that he would still be friends with my now ex. Also, it was never revealed as to who or which friends were saying what. The same statement was aimed at me many times through out the 3 year relationship when I finally pulled the plug on it by saying, 'Your friends do not know me and I do not know them and I do not care what they have to say about me, let them say it to my face. I was also told how he defended me to people who didn't really know me . This control tactic did not work ultimately.
I decided not to tell his friends because I do not think they would believe me. What I did do is anything to help my self get info for more clarity. I am not friends with his friends and would not want to be. I want to stay away from his circles & him. Tell people that are just your friends, people that already know you. I found most people to be unhelpful, uneducated and uninterested in the subject of N and abuse. Silence and apathy kind of go together. Most people would rather watch television on the subject, stay removed from anything real and uncomfortable. Not every one but most.
I really would like to expose all the stuff but it will be useless unless the right time and situation arises.
I have found that these types are very good at painting a picture of you to all their friends and family even co workers that is based on pure fiction. My ex husband use to tell me that his friends hated me, even though I hadnt met alot of these people! I spoke with a wife of one of his freinds after we split up and she told me she had asked my ex on several occasions to invite me over, but he would say Im not feeling well. I have never had any health problems and I am in good shape mentally and physically. His fear was they might like me and then he would be exposed.
Wiki User
∙ 8y ago
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Narcissistic Abuse?
The mistreatment of people in contact with somebody that has narcissistic personality disorder which has manifested and a maladaptive defensive adaptation causing abuse either emotional or physical to the person who is the recipient from the narcissist. The abuse can range from gaslighting, physical harm, manipulation, intimidation, and more.
I don't believe narcissist were abused But rather indulged?
My departed husband was a narcissist. His father was narcissistic as well, a verbally and physically abusive alcoholic. I believe that the narcissistic role model and abuse contributed to my husband's being a narcissist. I think that some narcissistic people were not abused but indulged, told that they were special and different...a sense of entitlement. My mother was also a narcissist, and her mother was non functioning so Mom was neglected, a different type of abuse. They rob your soul if you let them. Often people who are addicted to alcohol and/or drugs tend to be narcisstic. I attend Al-Anon and now have a joy and peace I never knew before, understanding this complicated personality, and how to not be involved for you cannot change another person. Learn why you are with such complicated people to begin with!
Can you consider an abusive parent a narcissist or sociopath?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopathy can be -- and often are -- components of child abuse. They are both clinically-defined conditions with certain criteria that must be met in order for a diagnosis to be made.
What is narcissism injury?
"What is a narcissistic injury?" Whatever you internalize from his/her conduct as your fault. As guilt tripping and projecting is apart of abuse and manipulation used by abusers to weaken your sense of self and resolve. If you understand he/she owns their own conduct and self destructive behavior and remove them from the realm of your feelings the injury belongs to them and not you. Best wishes Narcissistic injury is not what the narcissist does to you, but what they think you've done to them. Criticizing the narcissists causes HUGE narcissistic injury. Ignoring a narcissist causes them injury. Failing to see them as Gods...ect. Eventually everyone will cause a narcissistic injury to a narcissist and they will devalue you.
If you have a narcissistic parent could you end up in a narcissistic relationship?
If you've been exposed to narcissistic abuse in childhood, you're more likely to end up with narcissistic partners if you haven't worked through your abuse. Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) have a number of issues to resolve.
Why did the narcissist choice you as his target?
Narcissists usually will pick someone with a good nature, someone that is kind and empathetic. They also zero in on a person who is needy. Such a person will forgive the narcissist for their abuse and permit the narcissist to manipulate and control them.Co-dependent individuals are prime meat for a narcissist. Such individuals will stay in an abusive relationship long after anyone else would've left. The co-dependent individual will blame themselves for a lot of the problems in the relationship and feel they cannot survive without the narcissist, allowing the narcissist to extract narcissistic supply from them through abuse and extracting idealisation from them.Self confident and strong willed individuals are not preferred by narcissists as these type of people will challenge the narcissists bad behaviour and not permit the narcissist to get away with their abusive and exploitative ways.Further, those with few friends, who come from troubled backgrounds are preferred by narcissists. These individuals are the most vulnerable to narcissistic abuse and manipulation and provide a steady stream of narcissistic supply.
What will Narcissist boyfriend do if you cheat on him because of neglect?
leave and/or abuse you and blame you.
Why do narcissistic parents physically and emotionally abuse their children?
They always emotionally abuse them, because narcissists lack empathy. Some physically abuse. It depends on the specific case.
What type of professional mental health counseling is recommended for victims of narcissistic abuse?
I was in a seventeen-year relationship with an abusive narcissist and was subsequently diagnosed with chronic and severe PTSD. I had the good fortune to be treated by an excellent psychotherapist with expertise in trauma. EMDR was used in our sessions and I found it to be remarkably beneficial.
Are narcissist as bad as people say they are and how horrible are they?
In my personal experience being married to one for 17 years, the worst part, is that the victims involved, are often clueless as to the abuse that is taking place. The abuse cycle is often very subtle, while you are living it, but glaring once you are removed from the situation. The narcissist uses guilt followed by appreciation peppered with manipulation, lies, fear, and cruelty. When a narcissist seems content and happy with you, following an incident, make no mistake.... they are pleased with themselves that they have tricked you once again.
Does a narcissist every change any behaviors for example stop drinking?
No. A narcissist cannot change. Narcissism is an untreatable personality disorder. It is unrealistic to believe a narcissist can change any behavior. In the world of the narcissist, he or she is center, remorseless, and sees no reason to change. He may manipulate his chosen one into believing he will change as manipulation and omnipotence are core to his insatiable need to control and keep his partner. Losing is not an option for the narcissist. Because of his inability to feel remorse, the narcissist acts out normal responses based purely on observation of others. He may say he will stop drinking to keep the relationship of abuse and chaos intact. Indeed, he cannot perceive a reason not to do exactly as he chooses to do. The narcissist lacks the ability to be accountable to any person or promise. He has no sense of remorse, no need or feelings for others exept to objectify
Are narcissists violent?
Pathological narcissism is a spectrum of disorders. People suffering from the full blown, all-pervasive, personality distorting mental health disorder known as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - are, indeed, more prone to violence than others. Actually, the differential diagnosis (=the difference) between NPD and AsPD (Antisocial PD, psychopaths) is very blurred. Most psychopaths have narcissistic traits and many a narcissist are also sadists. Both types are devoid of empathy, remorseless, ruthless, and relentless in their pursuit of their goals (the narcissist's goal is narcissistic supply or the avoidance of narcissistic injury). Narcissists often use verbal and psychological abuse and violence against those closest to them. Some of them move from abstract aggression (the emotion leading to violence and permeating it) to the physically concrete sphere of violence. More about narcissistic rage here - The Iron Mask: Many narcissists are also paranoid and vindictive. They aim to punish (by tormenting) and destroy the source of their frustration and pain. Basically, there are only two ways of coping with vindictive narcissists: 1. To Frighten Them Narcissists live in a state of constant rage, repressed aggression, envy and hatred. They firmly believe that everyone is like them. As a result, they are paranoid, suspicious, scared and erratic. Frightening the narcissist is a powerful behaviour modification tool. If sufficiently deterred � the narcissist promptly disengages, gives up everything he was fighting for and sometimes make amends. To act effectively, one has to identify the vulnerabilities and susceptibilities of the narcissist and strike repeated, escalating blows at them � until the narcissist lets go and vanishes. Example: If a narcissist is hiding a personal fact � one should use this to threaten him. One should drop cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to the events and recently revealed evidence. The narcissist has a very vivid imagination. Let his imagination do the rest. The narcissist may have been involved in tax evasion, in malpractice, in child abuse, in infidelity � there are so many possibilities, which offer a rich vein of attack. If done cleverly, non-committally, gradually, in an escalating manner � the narcissist crumbles, disengages and disappears. He lowers his profile thoroughly in the hope of avoiding hurt and pain. Most narcissists have been known to disown and abandon a whole PNS (pathological narcissistic space) in response to a well-focused campaign by their victims. Thus, a narcissist may leave town, change a job, desert a field of professional interest, avoid friends and acquaintances � only to secure a cessation of the unrelenting pressure exerted on him by his victims. I repeat: most of the drama takes place in the paranoid mind of the narcissist. His imagination runs amok. He finds himself snarled by horrifying scenarios, pursued by the vilest "certainties". The narcissist is his own worst persecutor and prosecutor. You don't have to do much except utter a vague reference, make an ominous allusion, delineate a possible turn of events. The narcissist will do the rest for you. He is like a little child in the dark, generating the very monsters that paralyse him with fear. Needless to add that all these activities have to be pursued legally, preferably through the good services of law offices and in broad daylight. If done in the wrong way � they might constitute extortion or blackmail, harassment and a host of other criminal offences. 2. To Lure Them The other way to neutralize a vindictive narcissist is to offer him continued narcissistic supply until the war is over and won by you. Dazzled by the drug of narcissistic supply � the narcissist immediately becomes tamed, forgets his vindictiveness and triumphantly takes over his "property" and "territory". Under the influence of narcissistic supply, the narcissist is unable to tell when he is being manipulated. He is blind, dumb and deaf to all but the song of the NS sirens. You can make a narcissist do ANYTHING by offering, withholding, or threatening to withhold narcissistic supply (adulation, admiration, attention, sex, awe, subservience, etc.). "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" Lidija Rangelovska Narcissus Publications
