What are some rich jokes?
Can i borrow some money?
Why? arent you super rich?
Yeah, im rich because i Don't give out money!
(i think its from the movie just go with it)
Why? arent you super rich?
Yeah, im rich because i Don't give out money!
(i think its from the movie just go with it)
1 person found this useful
Q: A building fell why? Answer: It got tired from standing. Q: A cat fell off a wall why? Answer: The wall ended. Q: Why was the joke behind the door? Answer: It was scared …someone laughs at it. Q:There's a blue thing on the wall what is it? Answer: Fly with jeans One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. Hestood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class wasa moron, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute ayoung man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actuallythought he was a moron. The kid replied, 'No, I just didn't want tosee you standing there all by yourself'. For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacherabout the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of theunborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made nocomment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about theimpending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap andasked, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sisteryou were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for acomplete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results."I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..." Three friends die in a car accident, and upon their arrival toheaven, they are all asked, "When you are in your casket and familyand friends are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear themsay about you? "The first man says, "I would like to hear them say that I was agreat doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderfulhusband and school teacher who made a huge difference in ourchildren of tomorrow." The last man replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'LOOK! HE'SMOVING!'" During a sharing time in the early part of a service, a visitoradmitted a shortcoming. "I'm a spendthrift. I just cannot keep anymoney in my pocket. I give it away as if it grew on trees. Pleasepray for me." "We certainly will," said the pastor, "right after we take up theoffering." A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked,multicolored hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes area tattered mix of leather rags. His legs are bare and he's withoutshoes. His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelryand his earrings are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the onlyvacant seat, directly across from an old man who just glares at himfor the next ten miles. Finally, the punk gets self conscious andbarks at the old man: "What are you looking at you old man...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I wasyoung and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore,and made love with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son." This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes tovisit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.While standing in the middle of the Rail Road tracks one day, hehears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what itis. Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and isthrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with someminor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.After weeks in hospital recovering, he's at his friend's houseattending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenlyhears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from thecloset and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into anunrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus,rushes to the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desertman: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?" The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things whenthey're small." For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, facedeach other in a city park, until one day an angel came down fromheaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,"and I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring youboth to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything youwant." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for thebushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the twostatues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "Youstill have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winkingconspiratorially. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the malestatue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon downand I'll mess on it's head." Creating Woman Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, soGod asked Adam, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was goingto give him a companion and it would be a woman. He said, "Thisperson will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will alwaysagree with every decision you make. She will bear you children andnever ask you to get up in the night to take care of them. She willnot nag, and will be the first to admit she was wrong when you'vehad a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freelygive you love and compassion whenever needed." Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?" The rest is history. Three men were flying in a plane. One dropped out an apple theother dropped an orange and the other dropped a grenade. After landing they were walking down the street and saw a kidcrying. They asked him why he was crying and he said "an apple hitme in the head". Then they saw another kid crying he said "an orange hit me in thehead". Then they saw a kid laughing his head off and they asked him whatwas so funny he said, "I let one and my house blew up!" A father and baby polar bear were walking across the ice when thebaby polar bear said to his dad "Dad, am I part panda bear?" "No", replied his dad. "Well then, am I part brown bear?" Again his dad said no. A short time later the baby bear asked again, "Dad, maybe I'm partkoala bear?" The father getting annoyed said, "look son, I'm a polar bear, yourmums a polar bear. Why on earth do you keep asking for?!" "Because," the baby bear said, "I'm Bloody Freezing!" One day there were three ants, and they set out for their ownseparate journeys in a house. One ant went to the oven, the secondwent to the freezer, and the third went to the toilet. Later theymet again, and discussed their journeys: The first ant said "My journey was hot!" The second ant said "My journey was cold!" The third ant said "My journey was cool... until I almost drowned.But then a stroke of luck hit, from out of nowhere came this bigbrown log..." A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. Hestepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.In the middle the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sensepulling up the entire floor for one pack smokes," he said tohimself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handinghim his pack cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my sweet little hamster." Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the lastinstruction of the Mother Superior was that they must not get evena drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for awhile, the two nuns decide to lock the door, strip off theirhabits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, therewas a knock at the door. "Who is it?" called one of the nuns. "Blind man," replied a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harmcan come from letting a blind man into the room; they open thedoor. "Nice boobs," said the man. "Where do you want these blinds?" A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That`sthe ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the box and took anaisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to hersensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me" she fumed. The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant andshouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You`re right" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and givehim a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold yourmonkey." why did the blond drive into the ditch? her blinkers were on. how do you kill a blonde? put a scratch and sniff in the bottom of a pool. A blonde walks into a hair salon wearing headphones. hairstylist said she can't wear headphones for the haircut. Blond replies : "I can't take them off! If I do, I'll die!" so the lady cuts around the headphones. meanwhile, the blonde falls asleep, so the lady thinks, "I'll just take them off and see what happens." She takes them off, and the next minute the blonde falls to the floor, dead. The lady puts on the headphones and guess what it was saying? "bj" From sifter444 Here u go! Yo mama! YO MOMMA SO STUPID * Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes * Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends * Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind * Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl * Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ! * Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved! * Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! * Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone! * Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money! *yo momma so stupid she stared at the juice carton for three hours cause it said concentrate. * Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight! * Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911" * Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. * Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K." * Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out. * Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread. * Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check. * Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. * Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too." * Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif. * Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds! * Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch! * Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. * Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead. * Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up. * Yo momma so stupid she couldn't read an audio book * Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch. * Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24hr virus * Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg YO MOMMA SO FAT * Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up * Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. * Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone * Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world * Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy * Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!" * Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized * Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway * Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller * Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th * Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE! * Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it. * Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. * Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code! * Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon! * Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction! * Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky! * Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side! * Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections! * Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book! * Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views! * Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family! * Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil! * Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips! * Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks! * Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car! * Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans! * Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones. * Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on theother side just to get her through * Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps. * Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures * Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard. * Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles. * Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow! * Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks. * Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!! * Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet. YO MOMMA SO OLD * Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and she died. * Yo momma so old her social security number is 1! * Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch' * Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class. * Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks! * Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook. * Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it. * Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince. * Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper. * Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals. * Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything". * Yo momma so old shes blind from the big bang YO MAMA IS SO POOR * Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving." * Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention! * Yo momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!! * Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!" * Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. * Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. * Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage." * Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut. * Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money * Yo momma so poor you go out for Sunday pushes of the skateboard YO MAMA IS SO UGLY * Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." * Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. * Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. * Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. * Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck * Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. * Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras * Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. * Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday. * Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects. * Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry. * Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours... for a quote! * Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out! * Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life * Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween. * Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her. * Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away. * Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound. * Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye. *yo momma so ugly that when she looked into the mirror....it cracked!! *yo mamma so uncordinated she threw a rock at the floor and missed! *yo mamma so ugly she turned medusa to stone! *yo mamma is so ugly they had to put a metal box over her head but it broke then they taped dollar bills to her face the presidents on them ran away!
Knock Knock. Whos there? not your grandma. shes dead.
Some only americans will understand, because we are stupid.
to make u laugh
why did the chicken cross the road?... to get to the other side why did the elephant cross the road?... it was the chickens day off why did the hedgehog cross the road?...he w…as stuck to the elephants foot a man walked into a bar... he said ouch! your mum is so fat when she falls down the stairs it sound like eastenders has started! an English man an Irish man and a scotts man walk into a bar, the barman said "is this some kind of joke" your mums so fat she fell over and broke the ricter scale
You go up to someone with weird clothes and say "Where's the train rec?" and then start looking around.
Yo Mama's like a library - open to the public. Yo Mama's so stupid she stole a free sample. Yo Mama's so stupid that when she saw a "Wet Floor" sign, she did. Yo Mama's …so stupid she can't read an audio book. Yo Mama's so stupid she thought Thailand was a men's clothing store. Yo Mama's so stupid she thought Meow Mix was a dance record by Cats. Yo Mama's so stupid she failed a survey. Yo Mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps. Yo Mama's so fat she's on both sides of the family. Yo Mama's so fat her belly button has an echo.
Yo mama is so old, when I told her to act her age she died.
One lightbulb named Phil had really bad breath so he asked hisfriend if he had any mints and the response was, Really Phil, amint? This joke may be corny but Phil really neede…d a mint!
How is Obama like a hobo? They both desperately want your money.
A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. ... ...He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The …instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The Polak understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. The Polak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the Polak. The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
QUESTION: What is the least races animal? ANSWER: The Panda. Why? Because, it's Asian, black, and white! Chocolate Ice Cream(i don't take credit for this one, my friend… told me :) LADY: can i have some chocolate ice cream? VENDOR: were all out. sorry. LADY: oh then ill have some chocolate ice cream. VENDOR: um did you hear me? were ALL OUT! LADY: oh in that case ill have some chocolate ice cream. VENDOR: ok. spell van, as in vanilla. LADY: v-a-n. VENDOR: good. now spell straw, as in strawberry. LADY: s-t-r-a-w. VENDOR: good! now spell f***, as in chocolate. LADY: but there is no F*** in chocolate! VENDOR: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!!
In Holidays and Traditions
tell your dad you're pregnant and watch his reaction.. works especially well if your a boy.
In Jokes and Riddles
My wife can't wrestle but you should see her box! My wife can't make a lemon manage BUT she sure can make a banana cream!
In Jokes and Riddles
your in a room with metal walls no doors no windows only a table and mirror how do you get out ? you look in the mirror see what you saw you take out the saw cut the tab…le in have 2 haves make a whole you jump throw the hole joke completely by Allysloan
-selena-who said who said your not perfect -hannah-NO BODYS PERFECT
Below are some of the good jokes from the book just joking 2: Q:What sound to porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch! Q: What doyou get from a cow after an earthquake? A: A m…ilk shake! Q: Why didthe golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole inone.