What do you do when after living with your girlfriend for a awhile you discover sexual things she and her ex-boyfriend did together in the past?

Answer 1

If you are talking about things she's telling you she did with her boyfriend then that's crass and tell her to knock it off. What we leave behind in our past as far as other relationships is in the past and should be left there. Smart people don't gossip about past lovers. It's really no ones business. If you are talking about finding tapes made of the two of them having sex then this would be a shocker, but still, it's personal and that was then and this is now. When some couples are in love they may find it kinky to tape themselves and watch it later, but it's not too smart to do this because if you split-up then you have that tape floating around out there some place and it can often get into the hands of a sleazy porn agent, or worse yet and most popular pasted all over a website. If you find sexual devices such a dildos or other sexual paraphernalia this too is not uncommon. If you don't care for this type of sex then you have every right to communicate with your girlfriend and tell her what you expect in a sexual relationship. We all march to the beat of a different drummer. In other words, don't do things you wouldn't feel comfortable with. As a couple living together you have a right to discuss this if you have found out something that is really bothering you. If you just feel uncomfortable or jealous, then be smart and leave all of this in the past. She's with you, not her ex. Good luck Marcy Well, if the things you're talking about happened before you were together with her, then it's really her business. If you're implying that the events happened in the past but while you and she were together, then you first need to be absolutely sure they did, in fact, happen. Then you have to decide whether you're going to live with it or confront her to try to work things out. It is water under the bridge. If she lied to you and told you she was a virgin or whatever, then that is a different issue. It is her lie that you should confront her about. The past is over, she did it before you and her were together, you should not fault her for it. It's inevitable that you'll find out some things about your girl once you've spent a little while together. If she's started mentioning things she got up to with past boyfriends, it's a sign worth taking note of. It can mean two very different things, both quite important.

If she's telling you this stuff for no real reason, bringing it up on purpose, comparing you to a previous boyfriend or something like that, then it's probably something you should talk to her about. It tends to mean the stuff she's talking about is stuff she likes that you don't do (or don't do properly) or that she's trying to make you jealous. If she is trying to make you jealous, that's not always a bad thing - often it's just a test, to see how strongly you feel.

On the other hand, it might be that the stories come up in the course of a conversation, in which case it's a fairly good sign that she's telling you, because it means she's confident that it won't scare you off, which means she's comfortable with you. If this is the case, then part of her reasoning might be to try to get you to do the stuff she's talking about, or to try to beat it. Only go for this if you're ok with it - after all, you don't want to be getting intimate when all you can think is 'she did this with that other guy'.

Generally though, it's no great worry. Living with a girl, you're going to discover all sorts about her past. Tell her if it makes you jealous - she'll like that, because it shows you care, and she'll most probably do her best to avoid talking about it, and/or reassure you about it. Listen for hints about stuff she likes - see if there's anything she likes that you haven't tried yet. A word of warning, though - if you're going to try something that she did with an ex, mention it to her first. If she said she liked it when she did it with an ex, but hasn't tried it with you, it's likely there's a reason, like a particular memory she would rather forget, or the fact that she just associates it strongly with a certain person. You don't want to be suddenly reminding her of her past when you're trying to get intimate.

Overall, remember that the stuff she's talking about is past-tense. She did do those things when she was with another guy, but she's not with that guy any more - she's with you, and there's a reason for that. == ==