What if the abuse is not constant such as eight times in twenty years?

Answer 1

Abuse is measured qualitatively - not quantitatively. Most abusers offend sporadically. They use this fact to deny that they are abusers!

People use violence to get their point across. They use it to punish and control the weaker partner. It's not the victims fault when an earthquake hits, and, it's never the victims fault if attacked or mugged. The police would arrest the attacker and put them in jail, because violence is a CRIME. Even committed once is a CRIME. Domestic Violence is worse because the crime is committed by some one you love. If a person abuses their partner, who's to stop them from committing violence towards the children? Or other women? Domestic Violence happens more often to women and children, these two social groups are physically smaller and have a smaller voice in society. Men are raised in most countries to believe they are superior, and that they are entitled. Men who use violence need to control something. They have major self esteem issues. Violent men search for victims, aka, weaker people to pick on, because they feel so crappy about themselves. If you are a victim, remember that increasing your own self esteem makes you a poor target. Increase self esteem by doing good and positive things for yourself. If anyone does anything that makes you feel bad, GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Every human being on this planet has to work hard building their self esteem. they aren't born with it. A self esteem crusher is FEAR. Don't try to hide or cover your fear. Face it. Even soldiers in combat feel fear. Courage is WHAT you do even while your are trembling with FEAR. Again, the thing to help you have courage and make right choices is the feeling of self esteem. Build that, call your local Domestic Violence Hotline, they will help you, they will believe you, they will bring you to other people that have been there, made it, and can show you how to do it. Both victim and offender need PROFESSIONAL help. So swallow that fear, do the right thing, especially when it's so painful, and GET OUT OF THERE!