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What is Dave's Disease?

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Dave's Disease, often referred to as 'Non-study syndrome', 'Nick Beech Disorder', or 'Excessive Procrastination Dysfunctional Study Syndrome (EPDSS), is a pathological condition of the self-control receptors in the Medullary Study Centre of the brain.
Patients suffering from Dave's Disease are almost incapable of achieveing desired study goals within a set time frame. Despite excessive desire to study, or fear of failure, a patient with Dave's Disease are incapable of prioritising study. Often patient's with Dave's Disease will sit for hours constantly believing they'll start studying soon. This perpetual belief allows them to procrastinate under a false sense of achievement for hours and it is only at the end of the day that the non-studyoglandin levels are high enough to cause a response, which is usually a further inability to study due to a paralysis induced by excessive paranoia (often called Dave's Disease Paradox).
Pathology:
The mechanism of Dave's Disease is not clear. One hypothesis suggests there is an under expression of the Studylase enzyme required for the production of self-disciplineoglandins, which bind to self-control receptors of the Medullary Study Centre.
The alternative hypothesis states that there is a down regulation of stress receptors caused by a chronic over production of stressykinins. Leading to an inability to mount a physical response.
Treatment:
Currently there is no cure for Dave's Disease and treatment involves symptom management. Henderson's study has provided empirical evidence that Girlfriend Anger has a positive studyotropic effect. Mum Rage is less effective but is often used an alternative or last resort treatment for those immune to Girlfriend Anger for various reasons, including absence of Girlfriend or Jackassosis.
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