Improbable History

Improbable history refers to historical or fictional events that either did not actually happen, are not likely to have occurred or cannot be easily traced. An example of a question on improbable history is, “Who invented the hangover?”

729 Questions
Pigs
Languages and Cultures
Improbable History

What is swine language?

The answer is difficult to provide as the question is unclear. Could you mean, "What is sign language?", which is the language the hearing impaired use with their hands to communicate without sound?

Or "What is wine language?", the terms used by oenophiles to describe the properties of the wine such as the "bouquet," the "legs," the "oakiness," etc.

On the lighter side for "What is swine language?", two answers come to mind:

  1. Pig Latin (Oo-day oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay?)
  2. The language used in famous pig quotes: There is a language spoken by hogs and pigs which is not totally translated or understood yet, with words and sounds such as:
  • "oink"
  • "snort"
  • "squeal"
  • "wee wee wee" (all the way home)
  • "slurp" "burp" "gobble" (we do know those are sounds of a pig-out)
  • "yubadubadib ... Dat's all folks!"
  • "grunt"
  • "zroom zroom brrraaaaahhhhhhh" -- studies have recently indicated this loud utterance is from a special kind of swine (the "Harley Hog") and is roughly translated as "Eat my dust!".

Another Answer. Do you not mean Pigeon English? Or possibly Pidgin? You can buy Pidgin Skins but please note that they are not the same as Pork Rinds.

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Improbable History

What is Dave's Disease?

Dave's Disease, often referred to as 'Non-study syndrome', 'Nick Beech Disorder', or 'Excessive Procrastination Dysfunctional Study Syndrome (EPDSS), is a pathological condition of the self-control receptors in the Medullary Study Centre of the brain.

Patients suffering from Dave's Disease are almost incapable of achieveing desired study goals within a set time frame. Despite excessive desire to study, or fear of failure, a patient with Dave's Disease are incapable of prioritising study. Often patient's with Dave's Disease will sit for hours constantly believing they'll start studying soon. This perpetual belief allows them to procrastinate under a false sense of achievement for hours and it is only at the end of the day that the non-studyoglandin levels are high enough to cause a response, which is usually a further inability to study due to a paralysis induced by excessive paranoia (often called Dave's Disease Paradox).

Pathology:

The mechanism of Dave's Disease is not clear. One hypothesis suggests there is an under expression of the Studylase enzyme required for the production of self-disciplineoglandins, which bind to self-control receptors of the Medullary Study Centre.

The alternative hypothesis states that there is a down regulation of stress receptors caused by a chronic over production of stressykinins. Leading to an inability to mount a physical response.

Treatment:

Currently there is no cure for Dave's Disease and treatment involves symptom management. Henderson's study has provided empirical evidence that Girlfriend Anger has a positive studyotropic effect. Mum Rage is less effective but is often used an alternative or last resort treatment for those immune to Girlfriend Anger for various reasons, including absence of Girlfriend or Jackassosis.

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Clothing
Improbable History

Why do socks disappear in the dryer?

Regardless of the label, all modern socks are produced by the Polly Esther Company. At temperatures found in the average dryer, Polly Esther fabric sublimes from a solid to a gaseous state similar to the way that ice cubes "evaporate" in a frost-free freezer. The Polly Esther molecules dissociate and are vented outside where they eventually re-condense into spiderwebs.

Answer 2

The dryer Gnome steals them in order to make a long enough rope the to strangle his high school bully whos a Morbetly Obesse Giant

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Law & Legal Issues
Improbable History

What happened to atlantis and did marshiens abduct it?

yes martians abducted it. :)

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Planetary Science
Improbable History

Who discovered the first star?

Someone who had enough time to actually look up and see them when the clouds are parted.

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Improbable History

How does a witch break the sound barrier?

With a sonic broom! See also the related question below. Answer Due to the ban on the use of Supersonic brooms by W.A.N.D.S ( World Aeronautical Navigation Development Society) for everyday use, this makes it very difficult for your average witch to break the sound barrier. The ban was enforced because of the inability of Air Traffic Control to handle the sheer volume of supersonic flight around the witching hour, and lots of complaints from the Ministry of Defence about Air Force pilots being mooned at. This last item has lead to a debate about it being a rogue witch or actually Amlove the fairy, ( who seems to have escaped from another answer). No doubt this burning issue will be settled in further questions and answers ( as soon as I have thought of them). The ban has lead to a boom in the sale of baked beans, as one enterprising witch found out after consuming 10 cans of them, she found the extra gas power took her normal broom through the sound barrier. The effect of this on the ozone layer has yet to be determined.

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Improbable History
Acronyms & Abbreviations

What does T S W R A mean?

The South Will Rise Again

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Improbable History
Poetry
Humor & Amusement

What is a three-l llama?

So far none has shown up despite a long outstanding bet made by poet Ogden Nash:

The one l lama, he is a priest

The two l llama, he is a beast

But I will bet a silk pajama

That there isn't any three l lllama

But -

a big fire might be a three alarmer.

No, Nash himself said a "three-alarmer" did not count.

Actually

The one l lama, he is a priest

The two l llama, he is a beast

and the three l lllama is extinct

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Improbable History

What is a epitaph for Spartacus?

I am not Spartucus

How about, "Here lies Spartacus-he's dead!"

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Improbable History

Who was the first person to put milk into tea?

The first person to put milk into tea was Teana Teucrides, the seventh daughter of Prince Teanek Teucrides of Troy. She brought in a pail of goat milk just as her mother was serving the first cup of morning tea to the prince. Teana stumbled over the family cat and a splash of milk went into his cup. Teanek found the taste pleasant, and a worldwide tradition was born.

This happened before the historic war with the Greeks. It was tea with milk that enabled the Trojans to hold out against a vastly superior army of soldiers, sailors, and Marines for more than ten years. Since goat milk is heavier than cows' milk, and richer in butterfat, the drink stiffened the upper lips of the Trojans.

FWIIW, this was also long before Devon Cream was invented.

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Improbable History

How do you make a Pangalactic gargle blaster?

First you have to get your hands on a spaceship with hyper-drive. Then you have to take all the driving tests in the galaxy, (this is estimated to take you twenty years at the moment, but new tests are being added daily).

Done that, boy you must be thirsty.

Right, armed with your copy of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy and a babel fish you can now assemble all the ingredients, (estimated to take 250 years).

Why not say Stuff this, I'm off to the off-licence instead.

Since the Pangalactic gargle blaster is a drink just tell everyone you have the required driving tests then mix the drink anyway.

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Improbable History
Decade - 1990s

What happened in history on October 8 1995?

A penumbral lunar eclipse took place on October 8, 1995.

Christopher Keene, American conductor (b. 1946) died.

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Parenting and Children
Humor & Amusement
Improbable History

Why do boys have cooties?

Boys have cooties because they have one brain cell when they are born. To fill the empty space where their other brain cells should be, the bodies of boys create cooties, an undetectable mixture of scents that deflects girls without them noticing. Boys can only create one batch of cooties because of the amount of energy it takes to create it. Cooties are created in the baby boys' early stages but are not released from their empty brain cell until they turn two. As boys get older, cooties slowly seep through the pores in their heads, causing girls to call them "icky" and "gross". Soon, the boys run out of cooties, somehow manage to grow another brain cell, and end up slightly more mature then a first grader.

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Desserts, Snacks, and Treats
Rhetorical Questions
Improbable History
Predictions

What is mint rubbing?

In popular culture, the phrase "rubbing mint" has come to mean "wasting time." A group of clever Romanians took the idea of this phrase and ran with it, creating a whole organization, the Romanian Mint Rubbing Association, dedicated to the concept.

According to the Romanian Mint Rubbing Association, mint rubbing is a "time and life management technique" that millions of people around the world participate in. The scent is supposed to give rubbers a sense of calm and peace that allows them to open their mind, relax and get away from the problems of their day. Mint rubbers are supposed to find time each day to sit with ground mint and rub it between their fingers. Others might go further and rub whole-leaf mint on various parts of their body.

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Paleontology
Dinosaurs
Improbable History

What would happen if dinosaurs came back to life?

This is a very difficult question to answer. It is dependent on which dinosaur you would choose and which period it would come from. Dinosaurs come in all shapes and sizes.

You could argue that dinosaurs are alive and living on earth today. Birds evolved from dinosaurs and share many common features especially with the Raptors. Also perhaps if legends like Mokele Mbembe or the Congo sauropod are true then dinosaurs could still be living amongst us.

The most obvious thing is that they would be very few environments the dinosaur would recognise.

Firstly although flowering plants have exist for about 100 million years. They did not become really wide spread until about 60-70 million years ago.

Similarly with Grass. Most dinosaurs never ate grass as it evolved late in the Mesozoic Era. This may cause herbiverous dinosaurs problems because modern day mammals have evolved ways of eating them. The fictional sick Triceratops in the movie Jurassic Park may be a good illustration of this.

Carniverous Dinosaurs would probably have less trouble adapting. T-Rex would I believe happily munch on an elephant rather than a Triceratops.

Since humanity is quickly killing as many species as it can it is unlikely that any dinosaur would last very long before we again have to consign it to the history books like dodo's and Mammoths.

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Engineering
Manufacturing
Improbable History

What year was houses invented?

1950 after the war

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Improbable History
Chickens and Roosters

Where was chicken discovered?

The first one may or may not have been found in an egg depending on your thought process, or in tyrannosaurus Rex feces.

Oh for the love of Mike! Chickens originated in the jungles of South Asia, and the jungle fowl is still living there.

A:

Since my time line only extends from 1957 and hopefully Up to 2035, I have to rely on the work of archeologist's. They consider the chicken was an ancestor of pterodactyl's, or something in that sub species. If this is the case I would like the answer " in Tyrannosaurus Rex feces" to stand as a short answer. Because I consider if a Tyrannosaurus Rex got a hold of a Pterodactyl, it would defiantly eat it.

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Chickens and Roosters
Improbable History

Who is the first person the discover a chicken egg?

His name was Gronk and he was searching for food a few years after the ice had melted. Gronk was not a great hunter like the rest of the men in his tribe. Gronks tribe were know to be fierce and mighty hunters and could bring down the strongest and swiftest beasts that roamed the lands. Gronk was a thinker not a hunter. Gronk did nothing without careful thought and consideration, this was not good when chasing down food. Gronk was very hungry and very skinny. He liked snails because they were usually easy to catch but he was very tired of snails.

Read more: See Related Links

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Improbable History

When being chased by a gorilla how can one escape without messing up one's hair?

Although one's life is valuable in itself, one's hair too is valuable. If one were to be torn limb from limb by a giant silverback gorilla, it would be rather embarrassing to be found dead with a bad hair day. Nobody would respect a person to whom an event like this occurred. I know that I would certainly deny any relations to such a person. This is why the time spent running is better spent fixing one's hair. In the event of one's death, one will die with dignity, honor, and nicely fixed hair. The question at hand however is how to escape. The only way to do so would be to heavily cover one's cranium with hairspray. For a hairstyle to survive a gorilla attack, one would need enough hairspray on hand to puncture a decent sized hole in the ozone layer (not that one should care about the ozone at a such a critical time). The only other way to escape while keeping one's hair in favorable condition, would be to act like a gorilla and speak to the gorilla in a gorilla type manner. This however would only work for a very large, unattractive victim. If one could be passed off as a gorilla, there are problems far past the hair, and the best option may in fact be to pour A1 sauce on one's body, lie down and wait for the ending to a hideous existence. I hope this has proved helpful and I very much hope that you did not type this question while running from a gorilla. That would be most unfortunate.

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Improbable History

Where was the first car placed?

Baloney History:

(The Lighter Side of History)

(Which means, some historical truth and a lot of baloney)

The infamous and discredited arechologist's Hanna and Barbara have placed the first automobile's in the Stone Age, with Henry T. Fordstone, a neighbor and fast friend of Frederick Flinstone of Bedrock as being the inventor of the first automobile. Many historians and archeologist's have written countless essays, articles and books on the shoddy science and out right lies these two pretenders to science have been guilty of perpetuating on the world. Unimpressed and unfettered by the scientific community Hanna and Barbara went into animation and television to present their case to the world. While it is a matter of debate whether Hanna and Barbara are correct in stating it was Henry T. Fortstone who built the first automobile, by virtue of their own accounts on their hugely popular cartoon The Flinstones, it should be clear that the vehicle in question is not an "auto" mobile at all but rather a contraption that can not be operated with out it's driver powering the vehicle with their own two feet. Also, there is no archeological evidence this contraption ever existed.

In the 15th century, around 1478, Leonardo Da Vinci designed what may be the first known concept for a self propelled vehicle and a programmable steering wheel as well. This vehicle is sometimes called the clockwork car because of its spring design. The designs of Da Vinci were first discovered by Girolamo Calvi, an Italian academic and Da Vinci studies pioneer, (whatever that is). Calvi dubbed this vehicle he discovered in DaVinci's design, "Da Vinci's Fiat". Since the time of Calvi there have been others who have endeavored to join the fascinating field of Da Vinci studies and act as pioneers themselves. Professor Carlo Pedretti, the leading expert on Da Vinci in modern times, identified coil springs hidden underneath the drums, as a means of propulsion. Pedretti then joined an American robotics expert, Mark Rosheim, to actually develop the car in Da Vinci's design. In 2004, The Museum of History and Science, in Florence Italy, mounted an exhibition of three different versions of Da Vinci's designs as well as displaying the original designs by Da Vinci. The provided viewers with an interactive simulation that led to many viewers commenting on the remarkable similarity of Da Vinci's Clockwork cars and one of NASA's vehicles, the "Spirit", a space vehicle used on the planet Mars. This only confirms the long held notion that Da Vinci was a really spacey dude.

Editor's note:

The above paragraph has been reviewed by the Society of Uptight and Really, Really, Serious Historians, (S.U.R.R.S.H.), and they have confirmed it's veracity. Surprisingly even the last comment of that paragraph which is the only reason the editor's have left that in as this answerer has been warned repeatedly about placing his own opinions in serious answers.

The next person believed to have made the first automobile is Nicholas Joseph Cugnot, a French inventor. This claim has been disputed by many historians and there is much debate on who actually invented the first automobile. According to S.U.R.R.S.H., there was a Jesuit friar or monk who may have invented the first vehicle in 1672 somewhere in China. Cugnot was the first to successfully create a device for conversion of a steam piston into rotary motion by means of a ratchet arrangement. He first built a small version of this device of which he called the Fardier a vapeur, which is French for...I don't know what, and the Fardier was a humongous contraption of a two wheeled horse-drawn cart used for transporting really, really, really, heavy equipment such as canon barrels.

A year after Cugnot created this small scaled Fardier a vapeur he built a full scale model that weighed about 2.5 tonnes tare and was designed to carry four tonnes and travel a distance of close to five miles...or if your French or...well, anyone other than American, that would be two lieues or 7.8 kilometers. This vehicle had two wheels at the rear and one in front where the horse would have normally been and the front wheel supported the steam engine or driving mechanism. It is reported this vehicle was very unstable due to poor weight distribution which made the device unwieldy and unsightly and in 1771 the vehicle went out of control and knocked down part of the Arsenal wall and very well may be the first car wreck in history. This account may or may not be true, which is why it is of this answerers opinion that too much of history is a bunch of hoo-haw and a lot of baloney. The problem of boiler performance was also not very impressive and required a relighting and raising of the steam every quarter of an hour, which dramatically reduced the speed and even the French feel the need for speed.

After several trials and tribulations in regards to this contraption the French Army finally abandoned the effort and the experiment with mechanical automobiles came to an abrupt halt yet King Louis XV, was impressed enough to grant Cugnot an impressive pension for his innovation and commanded the Fardier a vapeur be kept at the arsenal for safe keeping. Today that vehicle can be found at the Conservetoire National des Artes et Metiers .

Editors note:

S.U.R.R.S.H. also confirms this account but the answerer is being warned about the editorializing and to stop picking on the French. Just answer the question James Joseph.

In terms of the electric car there is little information on the pioneers of this vehicle and one suspects this is due to piston engine automobile makers who have spent vast amounts of money to keep this information from the public. This, of course, is only one of the many conspiracy theories promulgated by James Joseph but it is none the less convenient for the piston engine automobile manufacturers that so little information is available on the pioneers of the electric car. The time line for these inventors is as follows::

1832-1839 Scottish inventor Robert Anderson invents the first electric automobile which was crude and rude. He used this vehicle to hunt for hagis in the woods of Scotland. He had little success in his hunt for haggis due to his non rechargeable primary cells that powered the vehicle.

1835 American Thomas Davenport is credited with building the first practical electric vehicle which was a small locomotive. Practical because this locomotive was frugal, reticent and keen on savings bonds.

1859 French physicist Gaston Plante invents a rechargeable lead-acid storage battery. A lesser known discovery by Plante that has been largely overshadowed by his invention of a lead-acid battery is the first fossils to a prehistoric flightless bird known as the Gastornis Parisiensis, named after Plante. This explains why Plante's physicist peers and indeed, many physicist today refer to Gaston Plante as the bird brained physicist.

1881 Camille Faure improves upon Plante's battery by increasing its ability to store electrical current, a French chemical engineer, (as if his name wasn't enough to indicate he was French), who also invented or improved upon hot air engines and motor vehicle steering mechanisms. This is why he was called by his peers in chemical engineering and indeed, known by many chemical engineers today as the chemical engineer full of hot air.

1912 Charles Kettering hastened the demise of the electric car in its early days by inventing the first practical automobile starter which was a hand crank that only made gasoline powered automobiles more alluring.

Editors note:

S.U.R.R.S.H. has confirmed the accuracy of the names and time line but strongly disagree with the account of haggis hunting by Robert Anderson and can find no historical records to support the claim that Plante was called a birdbrain physicist nor any accounts that verify the assertion that Faure was known as the chemical engineer full of hot air. We have warned you on this James Joseph and strongly urge you to stop picking on the French.

It is Karl Frederich Benz, who often spelled his name Carl, to separate and distinguish himself from that other famous German who went by Karl, (That's Marx for those who haven't been indoctrinated yet. No, not Groucho, Karl Marx.), and is generally regarded as being the first to invent the gasoline powered automobile. Benz, of course, is the founder and genius inventor of Mercedes Benz and after several hours of searching various search engines this answer was unable to come up with any information as to where the first vehicle that Benz created might be kept. As far as google is concerned, apparently not enough people are interested in knowing that.

While it is hotly debated as to who invented the first automobile it is interesting to note that the days of individual maverick inventors who created and marketed their own inventions seems to be a thing of the past and left for history and the buffs who read history. Today, it is rare to read of individual maverick inventors who have made a contribution to posterity and who invented the MRI, the microwave and scads of other useful inventions remains a mystery as the corporate world endeavors to wipe out any sing of individuality and replace it with faceless consumerism. These are the historical accounts of those great individuals who endeavored to improve upon the plight of humanity and they were did so before the rise of corporate nations. Ironically, Benz, Henry T. Ford and Alva A. Edison, all maverick inventors, were some of the first to build gargantuan corporations and paved the way for the faceless, nameless inventors of today.

Editors note:

Again the Society of Uptight and Really, Really Serious Historians agrees with much of James Joseph's accounts but strongly objects to the red baiting and while Karl Benz did sometimes spell his name Carl, there is no historical record to confirm he did so to distinguish himself from Karl Marx. Karl Marx is off topic and we are warning you for the last time Mister, stop antagonizing the WA community and the poor researchers who've unknowingly entered this site expecting a brief and accurate response to their question. This is your final warning. Learn some brevity skills or we will start editing your work. Do you understand?

Oh why don't you just shut up!

No, you shut up!

No, you shut up!

You're a long winded blow hard who doesn't care about the work you put us through. S.U.R.R.S.H. won't even take our calls anymore because of you.

Waaa, waaa, waaa...boo hoo hoo! You guys are babies

Nuh-uh

Uh-huh

Nope

Yep.

Are not

Are too

Shut up! That's it James Joseph go to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow.

Fine then. Bye!

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Jokes and Riddles
Improbable History

I need to get revenge on my brother any funny but cruel jokes?

walk up beside to him while his girlfriend or best friends are there and make a farting noise.he will get so mad while he is sleeping fill a cup with warm water put his fingers in it and he will pee in bed

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Improbable History

Why do people always say oh shoot Eric Burt you like yo ringtone?

if you want to know why people always say oh shoot Eric burt, then look it up on wikianswers. People say oh shoot Eric Burt you like yo ringtone because one day during an algebra exam, period 8, his cell-phone went off blasting loud. Of course, his ringtone was so cool and disruptive to class Justin Guisti added this on to the original "oh shoot, Eric Burt"

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Ancient History
English Alphabet History
Improbable History
Phoenicia

Why was the Phoenician alphabet important?

The Phoenician alphabet was important because it was easier to read than cuneiform, it was made out of letters, not picture symbols. It made life easier for the Phoenicians and it helped trade spread. It also evolved many other alphabets like the Greek, Latin, and of course the English alphabet. Some parts in the bible are written in Phoenician.

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Philosophy and Philosophers
Improbable History

If I ate myself would I become twice as big or disappear completely?

At the University of WikiAnswers, where we are game for a laugh. We tried this experiment on a supervisor named Mike. What happened next, even we weren't expecting the result we got. Somehow we ended up with two of them. We have our finest Supervisors working on this in their padded cells, but as of yet no answer.

How else did you think he ended up with the user name Mike 2.

Another contributor said:

Stephen King wrote a short story "Survivor Type" based on this premise. It was included in the 1982 horror anthology Terrors and collected again in King's 1985 collection Skeleton Crew. In essence, people who suffer from anorexia nervosa are doing precisely this as they starve themselves to death. Their body begins to break down and metabolize their tissues - in essence self-cannibalization.

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Improbable History

How does it feel to burn in melting tar?

pretty darn good.... it felt painful at first... but then I'm happy to be part of the road

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