What is some advice for a woman wanting to be a new mom at the age 40 but afraid of giving up life as she knows it?

Answer 1

Although I am not 40 but 27 I have 3 kids & by next year my 3rd will go to school which will give me back my "me" time. Which I have not had since I was 19. I am also wanting another child really badly. My husband & I had to weigh the options on weather or not do we want to start over with the diapers, bottles, lack of sleep & so on. We have just started trying to get pregnant with our 4th child. So I guess you can see we made the decision to have our baby. The urge is just too strong for me to ignore. I would say to you to weigh all the options. And go with your heart. You know once you have that beautiful baby you'll wonder to yourself how could you have lived without that baby to begin with. Also my friend is 40 & she is due this month. She only has one other child that is a teen. And she is very happy. Don't know if this helped at all but good luck with whatever decision you make.

I agree that you should go with your heart. When you have a baby your whole life changes. The "me time" doesn't EVER happen for me because if I am not caring for my children in some way, I am thinking about them. The money isn't spent the way it used to be, the house doesn't stay tidy the way it used to, the activities change from dinner and a movie, to soccer games and family night. A full night's rest doesn't always happen - and doesn't happen at all in the beginning. The responsibility of having a child is HUGE. On the other hand, there's nothing like that first smile (which they say is gas - but I know better :) Or the joy you feel knowing that this is a part of both you and your husband and the bond that that brings, or the priceless feeling of that warm little body snuggling up to you and saying, "Mommy (or Daddy), I love you!" Or the pride that you feel at the soccer game when they kick a goal, or the tears that you share when they don't make the team. Your life can be complete any way you want it. You don't NEED to have children to make your life complete. Yes, "giving up life as (you) know it" does seem hard...and it IS hard, but if you truly want a child and are prepared to be selfless, then the payoff is GREAT. Good luck to you - I know you will make the right decision if you listen to your hearts. Take care.

You really don't have to give everything up. You just have to do it a little different and it might not happen as soon as you wanted it. But you will also find that once you have the baby, if you choose to do so, you won't really want all of the same things. It is the greatest thing that I have ever done and I wouldn't change it and go back to the "care free" life I had before ever. It's a decision that you have to make with your parnter and decide what is best for you.

As a 40 year old mother of 2 (ages 4 and 2) I have found it very hard initially and I still miss my old way of life a lot. I love and adore my kids and they are as good as gold (most of the time) but having spent most of my life getting things just the way I wanted them I have found the biggest adjustment has been to try to become flexible because you suddenly switch from being first to last on the list and that took a lot of getting used to.

I found I was more set in my ways than the younger mums I knew and struggled with some things that they didn't seem to but excelled at others. I didn't feel like I suffered any more because of my age to recover from the c-section either but that could just be me. I have the same energy to run after the kids like a young thing and all new mums suffer from sleep deprivation.

The way I sorted things out was to put the girls into Childcare for one day a week (when they were old enough and provided like me you don't need to return to work) and that is my day to do things. After a thorough clean and tidy of the house I fit in all my appointments like hair, doctors etc. and catch up with friends. Most of the time however I sit down and read a book, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet. I also found that I didn't want to do a lot of the things that I used to once the kids came along but also in the same vein found that I couldn't wait to do things with the children.

Having a child is a major decision but most people do not put as much thought into having children as those approaching 40 as we have other issues to add to the decision making. When all is said and done I am lucky to have been blessed with 2 beautiful girls but am also very lucky to have had an indulgent carefree life full of wonderful experiences which I can share with my family. Good luck...you have the best of both worlds!