What would you like to do?
What should you do if you and your husband are going to marriage counseling and he told the counselor he wasn't cheating on you but this morning you found a pair of panties in his drawer?
Having a pair of women's underwear in his drawer is not necessarily a sign of cheating.
Don't jump to conclusions with no evidence. And you won't get any evidence by being too upfront and misunderstanding about the other possible explanations.
- They could be yours. Maybe you or him put them in the wrong drawer when either were doing the laundry. I can't even remember every single pair of individual underwear I have.
- He could be a secret crossdresser. This is not a sexual fetish (most of the time). It is about feeling comfortable in your own body. Instead of jumping straight to the cheating accusation, ask him calmly about them in a seemingly normal conversation. If he is a crossdresser, seek to understand crossdressing - it is not the same as transsexualism and is rarely about sex at all, it is about comfort.
- He could have a fetish with underwear, but he doesn't want to use yours to carry out his fetish because he might be embarrassed. He could have bought them himself to enable him to carry out an underwear-related fetish.
Don't jump to conclusions with no evidence. And you won't get any evidence by being too upfront and misunderstanding about the other possible explanations.
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Should you forgive your husband if he only confessed to cheating after you told him he had given you an STD?
A man who cheats and infects his spouse with a potentially fatal disease is an animal of the most careless and cruel nature. The mere thought of it sickens me. Leave this lous…e if you can or at the very least, tell him to keep his slimy, disease ridden paws off of you! I agree, if a spouse cheats to get a divorce Anyway, this is my thought: Forgive him...then leave him. Forgiving doesn't mean ignoring!! Forgive him for the STD, forgive him for cheating on you, leave him for being a jerk: for being selfish and endangering your life. l dont know if yes or no but everything i know is that i am small and that if he dares to cheat on me i swear i would leave him and i would not forgive him would he forgive us NO Of course you should forgive. It states in the Bible to forgive. If you don't forgive, then you wont be able to move on. You should always forgive, but the fact of the matter is, you shouldn't disregard it just because he is your husband. So what? He didn't think about that when he was sleepin around with Tina and Pam and brought you back a disease. Leave him...and be careful with whom you trust again Forget about the bible. A cheater remains a cheater and if a husband is careless enough to give you an STD, his time is over. Get a divorce unless you want to be the doormat for a pathetic liar. ANSWER Amen. Forgive? Sure, why not? Then sue the jerk into covering the costs for medical treatment of the potentially fatal disease he transmitted to you. It never hurts to let the ill will go, but he should assume responsibility for endangering your health through his infidelity. ANSWER: It depends when and why he did it. Youre the only one that can answer this because you have to deal with this later on. But one thing though, you didn't deserved to have this transmitted deasease. No one does but unfortunately he never thought of you. Ask yourself if you can really stay with him after the affair he did. Think about you now, there's a lot of decent man out there for you. Never loose your faith, God is always with you and He wants you to do the right thing.
What should you do if you cheated on your husband with an old co-worker and your husband found out and you're confused on if you should stay or go?
Answer Since you are the one that cheated it may not be your choice to stay or go. The fact you mentioned in your post makes me feel you have to take a goo…d hard look at yourself and realize, in some ways you are being a little selfish here. You don't just have an affair and decide within yourself if you'll stay with your husband or not. You've broken a vow of honesty and trust in your marriage and more importantly, you've hurt your husband. All of us can make mistakes, so hopefully you can figure out what is wrong with your marriage and sit down and discuss the problems with him. It doesn't sound as if you are convinced you should stay in your marriage, but it also doesn't sound to me like you've really put any effort into making your marriage work. Before you step out that door realize that your husband has feelings and did you ever think that he wasn't enticed to have an extra marital affair a few times! Most of us have entertained this idea at least once while married, but it's "look, don't touch" if you're smart. I would be lying if I said that it's not wonderful if a man looks at me and thinks I'm attractive, but it's not worth a quick "squeek between the sheets" or being stupid enough to think the grass is always greener on the other side. My husband is a wonderful man, and there are times I'd like to light a fire under his butt and yes, there are times we have an arguement, but I love him dearly and no matter what my feelings are (and believe me, I can day-dream too) would I risk losing him. We work hard at our marriage and we've been married 33 years. I am smart enough to know that a few days, few months, or even a few years of an affair is going to make me self-loathing and also that if I were to end up with that person I would be just trading off one set of problems for another. The excitement of romance and being loved like you were before marriage never lasts forever because reality always has to set in. Sometimes women are in peri-menopause or menopause and feel like they have lost out on so much of their youth. We take youth for granted (part of nature) and suddenly, there we are, older and wondering if we still have what it takes. When hormones have their ups and downs our brains can do stupid things. Everyone wants to retain the fountain of youth, and it takes a bit of time to center oneself as to what it is she really wants out of life. Peri-menopause can start in the mid 30s (periods have not stopped, but hormones are getting the body ready for menopause) and menopause can start at 38 up. It depends if someone has a trauma to the body, illness later in life such as chicken pox can set it off as well, or even a serious surgery and then menopause can start. Normally it starts in the late 40s. Men also go through Male Menopause and it's a fact! It's particularly harder for women to feel like they are getting older, because society (male oriented and now even some women have hit the band wagon on beauty) have started this rediculous trend. Instead of seeing past the face/body into the soul (where the real character and strength of that person is) we are inundated with ads on TV for staying thin, plastic surgery, etc., to look more youthful as if we owe it to everyone around us. A smart women sees it's a money-making racket and realizes that this change in her body is a part of life, and nope, you aren't getting older, but smarter and steeped like fine wine! In Canada (British Columbia) where I live they took a poll from younger men, and many of them are tired of the factory-made beautiful people that are out there and are starting to go for older women (not that they aren't beautiful, but they're wiser, more independent and love life, not just themselves). A friend of mine who is divorced is seeing a lovely woman 9 years older than himself and is happy as can be. I'm 63 years old. I do work-out and I'm trim, have a semi funky short hairstyle, will dress in some younger clothes (no mini skirts, short-shorts, etc.) but just up-to-date styles. Yes, I do want to look my best because it makes me feel better. I have friends of all ages and love the energy from my younger friends (and they do have some good ideas on life) and also the wisdom and friendship of my older friends to bounce me back down to earth so I don't get too silly! LOL I love life, and I use up every minute I can while I still have my health. I went through menopause and yes, one day I would think I was pretty darn ugly and fat, and the next day thought I wasn't all that bad. Instead of rolling around in the fact I was getting older, I went out, got myself a new hairstyle, starting walking for exercise, starting swimming, got busy with friends, got a job, and also volunteer. I'm too busy to keep looking in the mirror to see if I have a new wrinkle. I am fortunate to have a good gene pool, but the few wrinkles I do have I wear like a badge of honor because hell, I earned every one of those suckers! It shows that I have character, been there, done that, and I have the right to speak from my past experiences. Plastic surgery? I don't think so! I do look after my skin, but, that's it and if you don't want to look at my face then don't! LOL By the time we hit 50 we should be well-rounded and know more about life (if we were looking and listening) and feel comfortable and at peace with this age bracket. I find I'm much more self confident, realize I don't have to take unwanted crap from anyone, and I have many choices in my life. I am lucky with a wonderful husband, living in a modest rancher house, beautiful gardens, pets, not to mention my vast array of friends of all ages and races. I actually feel free and not chained to my peers as much. I am my own best friend. Sit down alone and make a list of what you like about your husband and what you don't. Then make a list of what you like about yourself and what you don't and then make a list of the good/bad things about this coworker you have had the affair with. Put the list away for at least a week, then drag it out and look at it. You'll have your answer. Many times when people have raised their children and the children leave home, there are more divorces that happen at this time in a couple's lives than any other time because spouses are busy with work, raising children, racing around, and the next thing the kids are gone, and there both of you are blinking like a deer in front of a car's headlights wondering who the heck this person is you're staring at. Then comes the problem of whether the marriage is worth staying in or it's time to leave. This is a really important time in couple's lives because they can really mess it up and have a lot of regrets. I think you should apologize to your husband for this affair and explain what you were feeling at the time and why you felt the need to have an affair. I don't even think you really love this old coworker, but he was there at the right time. It all boils down to the fact you want to be appreciated and looked at as an attractive woman and that you are needed. This is the wrong way to do it. Start talking with your husband and perhaps it may entertain your thoughts to ask him how he feels about your marriage. If you both think there is a glimmer of hope for the marriage (it takes work) then go for it, but if you feel you have fallen out of love (this can happen) then be honest and split-up, but remember, seldom do you have the opportunity to go back to that person. Also remember, just as you have had someone else in your life, your husband is quite capable of dating other women. Good luck Marcy
\n. \n Answer \n. \n. \nFirst of all he can't tell you how to feel. If it's something recently that he's been doing. Another thing this is if you choose to forgive a…nd he has stop cheating then you need to let it go and try to work things out you don't bring something up a million times if your over it and obviously your not over it. So the first thing you need to decide is if you love your husband and want to work things out if so then you need to make up in your heart and mind that what is done is done and leave it just like that he can't take it back and you can't make it go away so stop trying too by complaining about it every day your only making it worse. Next thing the both of you need to do is sit down and have a talk and you need tell him that there are some things that you want to get off your chest and that after you say these things to him all is forgiven and we are going to move on from this point and then you let him have an opportunity to tell you what's on his mind and then you close that chapter and think of the next day as a new day in your marriage. Well before the next day you both need to pray together and then you need to pray alone so you can ask God to get your heart and mind right so you can continue in the marriage. Then the next day comes and it's going to be hard at first but pray daily about the situation and after a while you won't think about it anymore. \n. \nNow I understand your husbands point of view if you haven't forgiven him and don't want to get out now!!! Because the longer you stay there trying to punish him the more you punish yourself because in reality you look like a fool trying to hurt him as much as he has hurt you. And if he hasn't stopped doing it or doesn't plan on it that means he doesn't love you anyway and the best revenge in the world on a man that doesn't treat you right is to leave hin and find a man that will. He will be so upset when he sees you smiling and laughing with another man because that's when he'll realized how great and wonderful you are and how good you were to him and how much of a fool he had been for letting get away. On top of all that you have to know you if you love you can't no man in the world drag you through the mud and make you feel bad if you know who you are. We women let men treat us like crap sometimes just because we love them so much, but the question you have to ask yourself is your husband worth working it out with what has he done over the past few years to make you stay? Was the cheating a mistake? or Does it happen every year with an apology attached? Does he do everything he says and mean what he says? Does it bother him that he hurt you? Ask yourself these questions if the answer is no to more than three of these questions then you need to do some soul searching and find out is this place you really want to be. I hoped this helped you I'm not married but I was in a long term relationship with a man for over four years and he cheated on me and I know you love him deep inside but it's time for you to decide who do you love more yourself or your husband and if it's self then you got to do what's best for you to be happy the pain will go away and you'll see him around and then you'll get to thinking to yourself I'm glad I chose me because he didn't. I'm not telling you to give up on your marriage I am an advocate for working things out but if your unhappy get out!!\n. \n Answer \n. \nRefresh the memory of this arrogant piece of work right now! Remind him that unless you have signed a pre-nup agreement half of everything he owns is yours right down to his retirement and some investments he may have. Don't sit and be sad, get mad! I was married before when younger and I was stupid. I loved him with all my heart, but he was a born cheater. It took a long time for me to realize I couldn't change him, but I finally got my head out from under the rock and saw clearly he was plain no good. The one mistake I made (we had no children and no home, but investments) was I was too soft-hearted to go for the gold. He wasn't rich, but we'd both worked hard and in British Columbia, Canada, the divorce is one session and then it's a lot of red tape to get back into court to get half your assets. I didn't bother because he had already caused me enough grief and I just wanted to get rid of him. Even when I left and got my own apartment I was lonely for him???? It wasn't that at all. The good memories (at the beginning of our relationship) came flooding back, I was hurt and confused and started to blame myself. I could have been a better wife, prettier, did more of what he wanted and on and on my pea brain went. The truth of the matter was I could have been perfect and this guy would have continued to cheat. I finally got mad, dusted myself off, got a new job, met new friends and started to get into the dating circuit again. I was introduced to my second husband by a male friend of mine and we've been happily married for 34 years. There is hope hon, so kick this waste of skin to the curb, fight for your rights and get on with your life!\n. \nGood luck
How would you write a job description for a volunteer counselor who is going to offer counselling over the telephone for a marriage guidance advise line?
ow wold you write a job description for a volunteer counsellor who is going to offer counselling over the telephone for a marriage guidance advise lane?
My husband told me he was cheating on me with a mutual friend we've decided to work on our marriage and he called to tell her yesterday should I confront her and let her know how I feel or let it go?
Answer If you are deciding to work on your marriage it is best you both cut all ties with this mutual "friend". And yes its better to let it go it will bother he…r anyway that he chose you - no matter how much she bothers you don't let her think she got to ya - best let it go. However, ask yourself if your strong enough for the possibility of going through this again down the road - just because they make promises and say it will never happen again weren't there already promises made that did hold up. Just something to think about.
yes, there could be big health risks if you did not, for you and him
Has he ended the affair? Or is he sharing all this with her now? Consult an attorney, more than one, if possible. Do this without your husband's knowledge. Having know…ledge of what your legal rights are should you decide to file goes a long way in helping you to make the best decision for yourself. Often, the first thought is to somehow 'get back' to where you were in the marriage. But 'where you were' was with a man who wouldn't communicate his feelings to you and instead utilized them to have and justify an affair. You know your husband is not meeting his responsibilities in your marriage; your best bet is to decide what you're going to do about that and what you feel is best for you (and your children, if any). A few marriages can be salvaged even after an infidelity. But in order to accomplish reconciliation, you have to have two people who want it. Ending the affair and all contact with the other woman is the first thing your spouse would have to do; you cannot work on anything until he's willing to do this. Right now, it looks like your cheating spouse is acting cold blooded (especially if he admitted vengeance was his reason for the affair). If he refuses to end the affair and end contact with the other woman, he isn't willing to come back fully to the marriage. If he has a history of infidelity, and this affair is only one of them, this will continue to be a repeated pattern in the marriage, should you choose to stay with him. If he refuses to go to marital counseling with you, he is not willing to work on his issues that led him to cheat. If any of the above are the case, you should go into absolute self protection mode and start moving towards a separation and divorce. It's futile for you to stay with a selfish person who refuses to acknowledge their issues or accept personal accountability. Give yourself time to think things through. You can't show weakness to your spouse--do not argue with him; act calm and if he wants an argument, leave the room. Do not discuss any divorce plans with him (let your attorney deal with contact) or any justifications or rationalizations he used to give himself permission for the affair. He either is willing to make the hard sacrifices needed to become a full partner in the marriage or the marriage is effectively over mentally and emotionally. Do not allow your spouse to rush you into any decision; if he could take the time to cheat he can wait and give you the time to make your own decision. Go to counseling if you can: it will help you to express your feelings and ask all the questions that are running through your head. You're going through a roller coaster of emotions, and you'll change your mind continuously about your future plans. Counseling can help you make the decision that are best for you.
you should sit him down and try to talk it out anf if that doesnt work i dont know
I would confront him about it and be nice and concerned. It could have been froma party and they just got in his drawer. i know that when my boyfriend has a party there are al…ways clothers everywhere. Don't assume he is cheating on you just find out the facts.
What to do when you love your husband but he is a drug user he lies and he cheated on you and he isn't doing anything to change his ways and he says he don't need marriage counseling?
You love someone who lies to you, cheats on you, and uses drugs?
Realize you're that ugly and OD on sleeping pills, that will show him ANSWER: If he is really serious about doing it, the two of you needs to talk and settle what's going on w…ith your marriage. But before the two of you make a decision, questions must be ask, from your husband, does he ever made you feel special and appreciate everything you have done for him being the wife. Does he knows about your needs as well, not just his? Does he ever let you make a decision when it comes to who can or who will. If he still feels the same, hungry to be in that situation,( affair), you can tell him that he needs to divorce you first so that way, no baggage, heavy drama, and many issue that can come to you...........I don't know the situation of your marriage but if he bluntly told you that he would, then think about what's good for you. We all deserve something in life that we don't need to prove that we are the wives...
Is a marriage likely to work out when the husband cheated and they both are not going to counseling but he still wants to stay?
In situations like theses there are many variables. From what your saying it could be tough, but it can work. One of the keys to have a healthy long lasting relationship i…s forgiveness. He cheated, does he deserve forgiveness, no, but Im sure glad God and others forgave me of things I didn't deserve to be forgiven of. 100% unconditional forgiveness is needed on the wife's part, even if he has repentance or not. Holding onto that bitterness is terrible for her mental and physical health. If the husband does have repentance, he wishes GENUINELY that he didn't do it, and she is willing to forgive him, not necessarily trust him, but FORGIVE, it can work. The couple need to evaluate there marriage, there love one for another, there commitment, they need to determine as one to make this work. The next step is setting up safe guards so that he does not cheat again. If its a lady at work, stop working there, I don't care if its 24$ an hour, the marriage is meant to be the #1 priority in a couples life. Often times these things start online on chat sites, or hooking up with an old flame on facebook. DROP the internet then, I know that sounds extreme, but like I said the relationship is worth it. They need to sit down and figure out how he is going to guard his heart. Things like this start in the mind. No evil thing was done before it was though out in most cases. This man needs to fix how he thinks, then how he acts will change. He needs to choose to not take the second look at the hot woman that walks by, not look at porn, ect. These will build up sensual habits that will keep pushing him more and more towards crossing the fence. Really counseling would be great, if they absolutely refuse there are great books on the market they can go through. Overall its only going to work if they both make it work. If one does and the other does, that does not mean there life is over, its sooo hard I know, but they need the comfort and reassurance that they can go on in life.
you wonder where he is all the time and you lose trust
It is always a good idea no matter how long you've known your fiance. These counselors go to school to learn how to help you know more about each other and how to teach you ho…w to deal with the problems and conflicts that arise. If you are a religious person, i suggest going to your pastor for counseling or a Christian counselor, they will give you the best counseling on those subjects you haven't even thought of yet as potential problems or things that are necessary in married life.
What authorities should be notified when a mental health counselor helps a wife cheat on her husband while at counseling sessions?
Ethically speaking, you would need to bring up a grievance or report to either their ethical board or their state of practice. This all depends on what their licensure and… overall education entail. You can search by state, name, and location to find their license. If they are in counseling, they can be reported to the ACA If the counselor is a psychologist the are generally reported to the APA If the counselor is a social worker they answer to the NASW If they are in marriage and family counseling (an LMFT) they can be reported to the AAMFT Best of luck
My husband and i have a very trusted pastor and friend who knows us both very well He married us counseled us in the past as well Should you be that close to your counselor in marriage counseling?
Pastors are in a unique situation as counselors due to the inherent dual relationship with their clients, who are often their parishioners / members of their church. Altho…ugh it is beneficial to participate in counseling with someone who knows both parties well, it is a good idea to be careful of the potential harm of a dual relationship. You may want to participate in counseling with your pastor and, when / if you feel the therapeutic relationship or perspectives of any party are becoming too muddy because of the personal relationship, you can ask your pastor for trusted people he might recommend to continue your counseling.