If what he/she is telling you is helping then they are doing a good job, or at least what they are meant to do. But if they are turning you against each other and making things worst, the obviously not.
A good therapist will help you both find your strengths and work with them to help you resolve the issues. They should manage the "blame game" and no one should be shamed or blamed. There may be a combination of single and couples visits. I think there should be a positive feeling for both people as they find ways to do what they can, rather than spending time diagnosing the people. Success has to do with both people working toward a better relationship, not just in terms of communication or giving what one wants in exchange.
Definitely, before anything gets out of hand or goes anything further.
The person having trust issues should be counseled individually as well. Else they could possibly mistrust the marriage counselor too. I should know, my husband mentally links me with wvery man in town.
My husband and I have been married for 7 months and recently started seeing a marriage counselor because of trust issues. Trust was never a problem until we were married and living together. Now that we are together all the time, we expect to know every little detail about each other's lives when we're not together. And when I felt that my husband was being sneaky or keeping something from me, I made some pretty horrible accusations which made him feel as though I didn't trust him. I was having trouble trusting him and he felt that he couldn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on for fear that I would jump to conclusions. It's going to take a lot of work to build a solid foundation of trust in our marriage, but seeing a marriage counselor is helping us to strengthen our marriage. It definitely helps to have an intermediate person who can put things in perspective and make you see that there isn't a good guy/bad guy in marriage. It's about working together as a team to resolve issues and build a strong marriage.
Counseling is needed for sure!
She may not have experience with the importance of communication. She does not know and hasn't had experience with effective methods of handling anger. Sometimes it can be a good thing for her to "get away" if she needs time to cool off before she says something to you in anger, but doesn't really mean it. The issues are definitely not childish to her & if you really want to help her, empathize with her feelings. Individual and/or couples counseling can make a world of difference in a marriage.AnswerPeople tend to learn by trial and error to find the results that give a rewarding feeling.
In this case she might experience your reactions to her leaving rewarding. Try to react in a way she doesn't find reqarding. Ignoring often helps, but maybe something less drastic might work as well.
And if everything you try (or don't) fails...change the locks or leave.AnswerImmaturity is a word that comes to mind. Selfish is another. And we haven't even mentioned manipulative yet. Being ruthlessly helpful, I'd say it boils down to this. Reason it out with her, OR get her some professional help, or change the locks. Or, all of the above. If a person is less amenable to reason than a stupid dog, or so totally self absorbed that the feelings of others don't matter, there's not much anyone can do. Good luck. AnswerI do this now with my current boyfriend. I have to say - maybe what everyone else said is true, but when I become so overly frustrated with him I cant seem to think about anything else but leaving. Maybe the problem is with you, but then again you do say the issues are childish.
Our arguments are the same thing day after day, simple things i ask him to do to help me out in terms of cleaning. I ask him to be clean enough to hang the towel on the rod nice instead of mushed up into a ball. Simple task, and it would make me a million times happier. I tell him on Monday, he says ok I'll do it next time, and he will, until Tueaday comes around and he "forgets." That happens all week long until I want to leave.
I don't know what else to say but I think its great that Im not the only one. :X
-DofkaAnswerShe sounds Narcissistic, in that everything is about her. Most narcisstists are very childlike and have tantrums when they don't get their way. It is a totally bizarre disorder because they make you start to doubt your own sanity. Trust me, they know exactly what they are doing. They are incapable of a rational conversation. If she is a true Narcissist, you need to leave instead of her -and run as fast as you can!!! SH
From my personal experience that can mean several things, if you are the jealous type maybe he doesnt want to stir up trouble with you, maybe they had a question about their children together or something else that was important for him to find out, or maybe they remained friends and just still like to talk to each other, but be careful of the oh so understanding ex , they will pretend to like you just to satify their ex which is your spouse now, until you trust them completely then when you arent around they will fill your partners head full of stupid things and slowly get them to doubt you, so if your spouse is talking to their ex make sure that you calmly ask them what they were talking about and don't act as if it makes you upset , make it seem like your totally okay with it , you need your partner to be completely open about this relationship , and that way even though they still talk to their ex you'll know whats going on enough to keep an eye out and stop a situation if need be.
Well what it meant for my boyfriend was he still had feelings for her and would say just enough to keep her hanging on and wanting him. I found out many times he was talking to his exes. He would not stop although the emails and notes were very inapropriate. He would promise to stop and never did. over 2 years later and its the same thing. You hide nothing if u have nothing to hide. To say he might know how ur jealous and so that's why he hides it is crap. If a guy is hiding or not telling something then hes in the wrong.
IT MEANS HE HAS SOMETHING TO HIDE ABOUT TALKING TO HIS EX. A MAN WHO IS FRIENDS WITH HIS EXES HAS MANY EXES. THINK BOUT IT
I would say yes only based on personal things. My husband questioned me all the time. He even told everyone I was cheating. Well he left me after 11 years of marriage and two children for a friend of ours. Still to this day he denies that he was ever doing anything and I caused the whole thing by him not trusting me, But it could be her last relationship was very bad and her trust will take time...just be careful sit down and just ask....maybe you`ll get a good answer...
It depends, I suppose. Did you answer honestly and without hesitation when she originally asked you, and now she won't do the same in return? If so, that should arouse your suspicions. Just remember that suspicion is not enough; find out for sure.
I think women are obsessed with this topic. They spend an awful lot of hours questioning and accusing their man of cheating when in most cases he isn't doing a thing! But what does that do? It alienates him from you.
And women think they've got it all figured out based on "the answers you give." Trouble is, no matter what answer you give your wife/accuser, it always indicates that you're cheating. If you make fun of her question and laugh it off, it's supposedly a sign that you're cheating. If you get angry (and who wouldn't after a dozen times?), it's a sign that you're cheating. If you say nothing and walk away (who needs to hear this again?), it's a sign that you're cheating! Sheesh! If a man did that to you all the time you'd think he was a nutcase and you wouldn't want to be with a person like that. Then, after all this accusation, women wonder, "why is he distancing himself from me?" Because you're crazy that's why?! Listen to yourself!
I got this treatment myself a couple of years ago from my own wife, so I speak from experience. I did go out by myself from time to time--to the bookstore, the grocery store, a married MALE co-worker's house--but I was always where I said I would be--always just a cell phone call away--and I always truthfully told her where I would be before hand. But, the spying and questioning made me pull away from her--and because I viewed her as a different person, it made me think about going ahead and finding someone else. (Note that I said "think" about it. I never actually did it.) Afterall, if you're accused and convicted of a crime, you might as well commit the crime. Your accuser has already decided the case ahead of time.
Women: Get a life of your own. (That way you can share it with your spouse and you won't have time to accuse him of anything.)
Did any of this sink into those estrogen-tainted brains out there?
I have to agree with that guy right there ^^^^^^ He's absolutely 100% correct WOMEN get your own lives. And this COMING FROM A WOMAN. I am Sooooo sick of hearing "you women" this and "you women" that because yeah approximately 80% of "you women" treat your men like they are you're property and not allowed to do anything without you.
To these Ladies, Let me tell you a little something about the way you should treat your man and you will get responses you are presently only fantasizing about. ***First things first, back off a little bit, don't nag, preach, scream, fight and accuse him of things he's probably not doing. Because he wants time away from you doesn't mean it's with another woman. In spite of what you want to believe he met you cause he had a life, I'm sure he wasn't locked in his bedroom and you just happened to walk through the door. Let him continue to do the things he did before you and I guarantee you he'll come home without having slept with another woman. If he does sleep with another woman, then boot his ass out the door, if you don't you get what you deserve. ***Secondly, Treat him as though you want to be treated, hug him, love him, show him attention, listen to him when he's trying to tell you about his day, or what he did while he was out. **** Thirdly, keep yourself up, keep your appearances up, look like you did when he met you, You don't have to look "hot" 24 hours, but ya know if he's coming over or coming home, look nice, wear some perfume whatever it takes, catch his attention and I promise you it'll be worth all 5 minutes of freshening up. **** Last but not least, don't hold sex over his head like you're mom keeping candy from him for not doing his chores. Get your argument over with and get over it, sex isn't meant as a tool, it's a way for a man and a woman to show each other how much they love each other, granted us women want talking and cuddling for proof, but men need the sexual part of it as their way of connecting. Men are actually very simple creatures and women tend to treat them as though they are and should be more complicated than what they really are. Ladies GET THE HELL over it, they aren't your pets, they aren't your property and they aren't going to stick around if you treat them as such.
Do as that says and assuming you have a great guy as you must have thought he was or you wouldn't be with him anyway and I can almost guarantee you that you will get treated very well, like the queen he thinks you are or at least the queen you WERE when you hooked up.
I am a married woman of 8 years and even after 8 years I am as happily married as I was the day before I married him. Now and again he brings me flowers and gifts (which we can't really afford). He is always telling me how beautiful I am, looks at me all sultry when I walk out of the bathroom-naked. And guess what else, he used to go out ALOT when we were dating and first married, not anymore he LIKES to be home with me, he enjoys being with me and would prefer to be home with the kids and I as opposed to being with his friends all the time.
TRY IT LADIES !!!!!!!!!!!
I would suggest--as calmly as possible--saying that there just isn't enough breathing space with you father in law living with you, and that has been rather stressful.
Suggest to your husband that you both could help your father in law look for a new residence over the next few months. It's not going to be easy, but it's the best thing you can do.
Be tactful and patient. Don't threaten to leave him unless it's really gotten to be a serious problem. He should be more loyal to his wife than to his father though.
Talk to your husband and explain why this is a problem for you, without making threats. The two of you together should approach Dad and set a date (60 to 90 days, if possible) when he will be in his own place. You need to present a united front to Dad at all times. If your husband doesn't want Dad to move, you probably need to see an impartial therapist who can help you talk out your feelings.
There are many types of schools that will teach you martial skills that can help win a fight. But no single way is a guarantee. A novice thug can get a good punch in and take out even the most skilled martial artist. No style or school can make you invincible. You can get close.More InformationFirst you must assess the situation to make sure your chances of winning the fight are good. It is always better to avoid a fight, but turning your back can be fatal. The truth is, when you need to fight, you need to know how to fight well. Fighting multiple opponents is difficult, especially if you fight mainly with your hands. (If your form is with kicks, especially spinning, it easier to keep aggressors back and control the fight.) If the aggressor has a weapon, it will also increase risk factors. So be smart and don't fight unless you have to.
Now, assuming you are on a level playing field. Say in the parking lot of your favorite drinkin' hole. ALWAYS Be prepared for him to hit you, even if it's not yet physical. Observing your surroundings is one of the greatest keys to being a good martial artist. If Your enemy approaches you, you must be observant of their behavior, and contemplate the risk levels. Never be afraid, and if you are; don't show it. Conquer your own fear and you have won the battle.
If you would rather not fight, tell the person that and hold your weak arm strait out in front of you as to establish a boundary between you and him. Many times telling a person you don't want to fight them can calm them down considerably. If that works out, & the fight is averted then you're good because you're guaranteed not to hurt. If the person does not stop coming towards you hold your ground(backing down can give them confidence & they will probably continue their assault, especially if intoxicated). Increase the volume and seriousness, and repeat that you do not want to fight. At this point you need to be prepared to defend yourself. Don't try to grab the other person unless you outweigh them considerably(like 240 vs. 125). Even then try too avoid going to the ground at all costs. The ground is the most dangerous place to be when fighting. Rocks, broken glass, steel toed boots to the mouth. They all lie waiting for you on the ground. If it does turn into a grappling fight, keep your legs back & your weight forward. If someone grabs you a technique I've personally found to be effective is to push them hard enough so that they reel back & you can lift a a foot off the ground without getting pushed onto the ground yourself. Then as they come at you again, kick them in the knee(of the leg they have their weight on) as hard as you can as you take a quick jump back. If you kick them hard enough they should fall forward with their momentum. Then it's time to pounce. Get on top of them and hit them in the back of the head until they submit or quit twitching. Note; If they do fall on their stomach, it is very effective to stomp their hands when they try to get back up. Then even when the do get up they won't be able to swing fists to hurt you without hurting themselves as well. Other then that do what you must. Only be "fair" if you can win by being fair. If you are losing and they won't get off you go for the groin, eyes, any place you know that you can injure them. A very painful, often overlooked target is the collar bone. Force your three strong fingers behind the collar bone, in front of the muscle connecting the neck to the shoulder, curl them towards the heel of your hand, and squeeze as hard as you can(Try it on yourself, and you'll find out why I felt it deserves mention here). If you have strong forearms you should be able to inflict enough pain to make them do whatever you want them to.Another View point
As a Tae Kwon Doe martial artist, I don't agree with a lot of the above, but it would be wrong for me to remove all of it. One thing that you should remember in most fights with street thugs is 'push-pull'. They push, you pull, they will lose balance and you will have control of a fight. At this point you have a choice whether to hurt somebody or just take them down. (You would just take them down in the case of a drunken friend, but I wouldn't be so friendly to a random aggressor.)
Basically to better your chances in a 'two men squaring up to throw punches' type fight. Stay back and play defense at the start of the fight. That doesn't mean you shouldn't hit him. Just don't go after him. Let him bring the fight to you. you are a lot more sure footed standing there than he is coming towards you which can give you valuable leverage & stability. This also serves another function. If you can block most of his punches for a couple minutes, odds are he will be getting pretty tired. I mean, the guy's probably not a prize fighter or anything. And even they pant like a puppy dog after three minutes of swinging. Just wait for him to come at you, block his attacks, try to hit him only if you know you can connect well, then back up set up and wait for him to come at you again. Repeat until he can barely lift his arms. Then come in with a flurry of good, solid punches. It shouldn't be long before they give up.
Please don't use these to go pick fights. People who pick fights are jerks. Nobody likes them, and they will never have friends to save them when they pick a fight they can't handle. I feel it's best to avoid fights, but I also feel people should know how to defend themselves. So they can "Slap the s#!t" out of the aforementioned fight pickers. Then maybe they will learn not to pick fights with people, and the world will be a little nicer.
In the simplest terms to win a fight you have to either cause your opponent more physical damage rendering them unable to continue fighting, or by making the opponent think they are losing the fight by showing no weakness so that they back down. The best target areas to achieve a victory are the nose, eyes, chest and throat. The first two causing loss of sight and dizziness, the second two causing lack of breath and energy. the quickest way to win a fight is to punch someone in the nose, chin then throat. this combination of blows will render the opponent breathless, blind sighted and dizzy.
I agree that its better to not fight in the first place..if anything because of the legal ramifacations. But if you must...then fight hard. Dont be afraid to let your hands go alot. Learn good footwork from western boxing like slipping and ducking punches and be careful of hurting yourself in the process like breaking your own wrists from a punch. Learn some kind of ground game like BJJ or judo to counter wrestlers and if you really need to get literal with someone..poke the eyes...or the classic groin kick/punch.
tell him, write a note, make sure you dont talk to him so he ends it
Have a one on one conversation with the Counselor, and tell them of the evidence and your suspicions.
Marriage counseling is usually a short-term therapy that may take only a few sessions to work out problems in the relationship.
It is always a good idea no matter how long you've known your fiance. These counselors go to school to learn how to help you know more about each other and how to teach you how to deal with the problems and conflicts that arise. If you are a religious person, i suggest going to your pastor for counseling or a Christian counselor, they will give you the best counseling on those subjects you haven't even thought of yet as potential problems or things that are necessary in married life.
No, because, serial abusers will never change. I am currently in the same situation. I am married and not even domestic violent classes help my soon to be ex-husband. I think age has alot to do with it too because, he is 49 years old.
Depending on the personal data and the psychodynamic profile of the abuser, his cultural and social background, age, profession, level of education, and extent of motivation to preserve the relationship. Some busers can definitely be helped and success stories abound.
During my experience of 12 years of mental and physical abuse, regardless of the "so-called" remorse displayed, the abuser must have a sincere believe that what he is doing is wrong. The abuser must make a conscious decision to change his way of thinking and implement that into his way of daily living. Unfortunately, abusers have often avoided owning up to their responsibility of change because tey generally shift the attention to the victim.
Talk to him and tell him what you see happening in your relationship and let his reaction determine your next step.
Season 2|Episode 13 Road to Rhode Island
First go see an attorney. Wherever you are, you have parental rights and abuse is wrong. Start documenting all abuse. Find witnesses ect..
The emotional damage to the children is your main concern. Get help now! The abuser(men or woman) will not stop on their own.
i think it can help if your really going through some hard times. but the most way that it will be effective if you have an opened mind and are willing to learn, and improve the areas that need patching.
Dr.Ken Newberger aims to provide counseling for Marriage Counseling in Fort Myers and he has been trying to provide the best services to his couples in order to clear out their misunderstandings and differences. This in turn helps them lead an easy married life. As of now, he is providing services through video conferencing in this pandemic.
When you are living with a person that is either physically or mentally abusing you (narcissists are game-players and mind-benders) then the mate that got away needs to go for counseling because the narcissist never will. Narcissists brain-wash their victims. Some victims are slightly abused because they leave the relationship earlier on, while others have put up with it for years and never knew what was wrong with their mate. It isn't important we label the person hurting us, but it's important one gets away from it. Rule of thumb ... when someone hurts you or makes you feel terrible most of the time rather than peaceful or happy it's time to move on! If you love someone you don't make an effort to play games or hurt them. None of us are perfect and we've certainly hurt our mates on occasion (vice-versa for them) but the difference is we say we are sorry and try to rectify what we have done. ANYONE who has been in an abusive relationship needs counseling.
Some religions require a marriage counseling program before they will allow the wedding in one of their churches. Some pastors require some session to discuss marriage as well. There is no legal requirement for it.
In situations like theses there are many variables. From what your saying it could be tough, but it can work. One of the keys to have a healthy long lasting relationship is forgiveness. He cheated, does he deserve forgiveness, no, but Im sure glad God and others forgave me of things I didn't deserve to be forgiven of. 100% unconditional forgiveness is needed on the wife's part, even if he has repentance or not. Holding onto that bitterness is terrible for her mental and physical health. If the husband does have repentance, he wishes GENUINELY that he didn't do it, and she is willing to forgive him, not necessarily trust him, but FORGIVE, it can work. The couple need to evaluate there marriage, there love one for another, there commitment, they need to determine as one to make this work. The next step is setting up safe guards so that he does not cheat again. If its a lady at work, stop working there, I don't care if its 24$ an hour, the marriage is meant to be the #1 priority in a couples life. Often times these things start online on chat sites, or hooking up with an old flame on facebook. DROP the internet then, I know that sounds extreme, but like I said the relationship is worth it. They need to sit down and figure out how he is going to guard his heart. Things like this start in the mind. No evil thing was done before it was though out in most cases. This man needs to fix how he thinks, then how he acts will change. He needs to choose to not take the second look at the hot woman that walks by, not look at porn, ect. These will build up sensual habits that will keep pushing him more and more towards crossing the fence. Really counseling would be great, if they absolutely refuse there are great books on the market they can go through. Overall its only going to work if they both make it work. If one does and the other does, that does not mean there life is over, its sooo hard I know, but they need the comfort and reassurance that they can go on in life.
I think you should have moved out before. You're just asking for more trouble if you stay there. I have very low expectations for any man who would hit a woman. Absolutely! By moving out you are making the statement that you aren't taking anymore of the abuser's attitude and THEY have to prove to you that they are trying to get help and are improving. I know it's tough, but that's what it's called, "tough love." Also, the separation will help the abuser to think more clearly and hopefully realize what he/she has become and do something about it. Good luck Marcy
yes he won't stop
No, absolutely not. Like any occupation, there will be couples that have issues with domestic violence, but you can find that in the homes of doctors, preachers, and cab drivers.
Any occupation can fall victim to violence. To say that all of any group does one specific thing is almost always false.
However, it is known that there is an increased problem in homes of law enforcement officers compared to some other occupations. There have been studies that attribute it to the stresses of the job, where other studies say that it is just reported more by law enforcement families and friends than by those of other occupations.
You should approach him quietly and privately and ask him to explain. If necessary you should ask him to talk about it with your mother. It is not fair for your father to expose her to harm via STDs. She should be given the opportunity to make a decision about whether to work on the marriage or end it.
To start, yes she should have waited for you, but get your view of this from the rest of your relationship. It does not necessarily mean she does not care about the relationship as much as you, she could have just go so hyped on this and took off without you, in a selfish decision, or something. What I would want to know is is she like this in all the small ways? Is she selfish, is she honest, is she patient, is she loving. There is also the key of communication, talk talk talk, tell her how it feels, your concern that you care more about the relationship. Pre plan it, don't be angry, but sincere and loving. (oh ya, FORGIVE her, unconditionally) Ask her why she did it, does she see it as not being wrong? ect. Overall, she could be a loving wife who made a dumb decision, or she needs to reevaluate her prorities
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