What should you do if you have been abused?

Answer 1

I prefer you to contact the child abuse center or police or a trusted adult or even your neighbors or friends. You can use this language call the police secretly when you are gone out to buy something as most people send abused children to buy stuff don't buy something and use that coin in a telephone and go home and say that they were out of the product.

Sign that they will abuse u soon :

1] They will yell at you

2] call your name in a bad way like a mistake, brat and etc

3] Ignore you

4] Pretend that they treat you nicely in front of others

5] Always be busy with your siblings or step-siblings and not take care of you

If you want more help in this case then feel free to comment on this question and ask me. be safe

Answer 2

Get far, far away from that person. Leave the state if you have to. There are places that an abused woman can go to get help. Don't wait thinking he will change. It can only get worse. Check your area (or the info below) for a battered women's shelter near you.

Ten Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

• History of discipline problems.
• Blames you for his/her anger.
• Serious drug or alcohol use.
• History of violent behavior.
• Threatens others regularly.
• Insults you or calls you names.
• Trouble controlling feelings like anger.
• Tells you what to wear, what to do or how to act.
• Threatens or intimidates you in order to get their way.
• Prevents you from spending time with friends or family.

If you are being abused please call The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 24/7.

1-866-331-9474

1-866-331-8453 (TTY for deaf/hearing impaired)

Free cards printed with the above available from Jennifer Ann's group through JenniferAnn.org

Fight Teen Dating Violence!

• You know you are abused when parts of your life become unexplainable. These are the things that you would normally do, but aren't. Anytime someone's treatment of you makes you say "huh? what was that?" In a good relationship, things make sense, you have a sense of well-being and of your competence.

• There are many ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humour, or consistently tactless -- is to abuse.

To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore -- are all modes of abuse. There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.

There are three important categories of abuse:

The open and explicit abuse of another person. Threatening, coercing, beating, lying, berating, demeaning, chastising, insulting, humiliating, exploiting, ignoring ("silent treatment"), devaluing, unceremoniously discarding, verbal abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse are all forms of overt abuse.

Abuse is almost entirely about control. It is often a primitive and immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in his childhood) was rendered helpless. It is about re-exerting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment -- human and physical.

The bulk of abusive behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (and difficult patients) because they are afraid to lose control over their body, its looks and its proper functioning. They are obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat and render it foreseeable. They stalk people and harass them as a means of "being in touch" -- another form of control.

To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions, internal, assimilated, objects -- not external ones. Thus, losing control over a significant other -- is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one's brain. It is terrifying.

Independent or disobedient people evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong with his worldview, that he is not the centre of the world or its cause and that he cannot control what, to him, are internal representations.

To the abuser, losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser's mind -- being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind). Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you cannot manipulate your memories or control your thoughts ... Nightmarish!

In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems and mechanisms. Here is a partial list:

• Unpredictability and Uncertainty
• Disproportional Reactions
• Dehumanization and Objectification (Abuse)
• Abuse of Information
• Impossible Situations
• Control by Proxy
• Ambient Abuse

More input from WikiAnswers contributors:

• The element of shock makes it hard to label abuse. I recently picked up a dog stuck by a car and took it to a vet. I learned a great deal about my life on that 40 minute trip. The lack of focus or emotion or energy. Just a blank stare. How could that little creature process information? How could I process that amzing injuries of my youth. Cruel, illogical, pointless, random, couched in care, gifts and praise? Third parties, therapy and gifted friends can help give feedback. When you are shocked by abuse, you may be in no condition to know it. That "funny" "icky" "hey what" fuzzy confusions and vague hurt screams to us to break isolation and talk to a worthy trusted third party.

• When you feel love and responsibilty for the happiness of someone who regularly and alternatively spoils you rotten and then treats you like you have no soul or worth.

• I think because the abuse usually begins gradually, we are well into a serious abusive relationship before we stop and say, hey--what gives? We tell ourselves all kinds of things--he didn't mean it, all relationships have their problems, no one is perfect, i do my share of things, etc. etc., but if you have to ask if you're being abused, you probably are.

• One note: Abusers may not 'realize' they are abusing you. In my situation, he says outright that he is just an a-hole and it's not 'about me' ... he thinks he is just a naturally angry person. He doesn't think he is abusing me.

• You know you are being abused when you are not allowed to have any friends, family or self-respect. If the only people you are allowed to associate with are the ones that the abuser chooses (i.e. his family/his friends), but he demands that you degrade yourself in front of them to prove that you are unworthy of anyone's love or attention. He/she will not be able to handle that you can be your own person, make your own money, have your own friends and family. They will project their own inadequacies onto you. When you start becoming afraid, because dinner is five minutes late, or that you weren't where you were "supposed" to be when he comes by or calls (i.e. if you are fortunate to work outside the home, he monitors your work time and calls you several times a day and expects you to answer his every call. If you or your children are physically threatened or constantly being watched. (He goes to the kids school or to your work constantly). If he has his friends and family gang up on you to help prove his point of your inadequacies. You are not allowed to handle the money or if you do handle the money, he takes most of it for his enjoyment and leaves you scant enough to pay for food, rent, etc. If he uses God as the reason behind all of the "punishment" that he feels you deserve.

• There are two main ways that you can tell if you are being abused. ONE: If someone is saying things to you that you don't like and are hurting your feelings. That is VERBAL abuse. TWO: If someone is touching you in a way that is harmful, like hitting or grabbing or smacking you. That is all PHYSICAL abuse.

• A few signs: extreme jealously, possessive bahviour, an inflated sense of pride, masculinity, patriarchal behaviour. Its like a pendulum that swings between moments of complete happiness and sheer frustration ... You're being demeaned all the time, name calling, yelling in public places ... walking away, making you feel abandoned ... silent treatment ... any violence.

• You know you are being abused when you first suspect it. The problem is, you are so in love, you don't want to believe it. You know you are being abused when your partner needs to always be right, does not validate your feelings, does not allow you to have your own opinion, rages, demands things from you that go against your personal rights and dignity. You know you are being abused when you are threatened, raged at until you are crying and in fear, but you don't know what you did to deserve the rage. You are told you are wrong, ignorant, defiant, a stupid woman, "it's all about you and your feelings", no matter what you do to make them happy, they are not happy. You lose your sense of self and question your own beliefs. You know you are being abused when you can't feel safe with the person.

• A few things to think about: 1) Does your partner seem threatened by other people in your life (including your family)? 2) Does your partner say or do things to you that you know you would not do back to him or her because you know that they would hurt? 3) Do you find yourself ashamed to ask your friends and family for advice about the relationship, either because you have been made to feel the problems are your fault, or because you don't think they will respect your decision to stay with a person who is doing these things to you? Does your partner discourage you from discussing the relationship with other people? 4) Do you find yourself hanging out with other couples, and noticing how different the patterns of their relationships are ? (It's been observed that all happy families are more or less alike, but every unhappy family is unique...the same might be said about relationships.) 5) Are you aware of a history of abuse in your partners family, or his or her relationship history? The ultimate sign for an abusive relationship is when you realize that you are starting to hit back emotionally at the things your partner is doing to you, and that you are no longer the good person that you want to be for your partner. At that point, the only thing you can do is forgive, ask to be forgiven, and leave.

• When you wake up in the morning and you're mad. When you no longer smile. When you hide the relationship in public and put on a face. When you don't want anyone to know. When you make excuses even you don't believe. When you no longer look forward to anything. When you look at couples in love with wanting, and then you feel so sad. When you no longer make plans for the future. Then you know you've been abused. And you need help now.

• Ask yourself this: If this were someone else's life, what would you tell them?

• I think if you are asking the question "Am I abused?" - then you already know the answer in your heart. You are. Get out now and start living the life you deserve!

• Many people that are in abusive relationships will most likely not realize it until it is too late. If this sounds like you or anyone you know, get help quick. An abusive realtionship damages more lives than just those parties involved.

• I guess the best way to answer that is with another question, "How do you feel in the relationship?" A good, healthy relationship has both partners feeling like equals.

• Abuse is a seed of unhealthiness. At the beginning of the relationship the abuse is not in full bloom, but, if you listen and look very carefully, you can sometimes see signs of what is to come. There are moments in which your partner doesn�t completely respect your space or requests. Your partner will say that he is not respecting your requests because he is so overcome by the emotion of the new relationship. This is the first sign�however insignificant or flattering it may seem at the time: it is a lack of respect for your space. Remember: when you request something in life it is ALWAYS important that your request is heard and listened to. Requests involving your need for space or respect should always be honored.

Then, as the relationship continues, the abuse begins to manifest as jealousy in an extreme sense and misplaced anger is constantly targeted at you. He has a stressful day and you are blamed. Some miscommunication occurs and you are always the one who is At Fault in his eyes. Any sense is lost from your conversations. The conversations begin to revolve around the other person�s ego and not offending it becomes a primary concern for your survival.

As the relationship continues the abusive partner�s emotions become the all-important focus of the relationship. Trying to avoid his or her wrath becomes your primary concern. Just as he couldn�t respect your boundaries at the beginning, he still doesn�t understand the boundaries between you�his emotions become your worst nightmare. He no longer protects you from his mood swings. He yells and screams at you and calls it love. However, you know that you don�t feel love and you lose your sense of safety. He says that he yells and screams because he feels so passionately about you. He denies wrongdoing and blames the abuse on you. You know in your gut that your sense of well being is being compromised and that you are not being treated with love and respect.

Then come a slew of indignities. If your sense of well being felt compromised earlier, you will feel more indignity and disgrace by the end of the relationship than you ever thought you would allow yourself to feel. Public humiliation: yelling at you at a caf�, embarrassing you in front of your friends, alienation from your friends, constant tyranny. If the relationship continues physical abuse will surely follow. the horrible cycle only ends when you say stop to the humiliation, the self-disgrace, the indignity and all the other insults.

The sooner you realize what is happening and the sooner you can act decisively, the easier the process of leaving will be. Fly away if you have to: just get yourself to safety. If you live near him, MOVE FAR AWAY. The hardest part is leaving, but it is also the most crucial part for both of you. You have to stop believing that you can help him and start believing that you can help yourself. I did. You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't change it--heard this before? To stop enabling his behavior is the best thing that you could do for him as well. If you feel bitterness, resentment or a sense of vindictiveness, don't let him see it: acting out on these emotions in a secretive or covertly combative way will only perpetuate the cycle. Remember that your primary concern should always be your own self-respect, not getting even. Redirect this energy to do positive things in your life. Do artwork or start running. Take charge of yourself with all of the energy that you have discovered. Go to therapy because you don�t want to be in the position of the abused or abuser in the future�both are an indignity. Be with yourself and like yourself again. Love yourself the way your partner couldn�t: be kind to yourself. You will be fine by yourself; however, you certainly wouldn�t be fine if you stayed with him.

• The first thing I have to say about abusers is that THEY WILL NEVER TAKE COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIER ABUSE. They will always say, "You made me angry" "You should not have done ___" "If you would only do ___" Notice that the common denominator is the word "You". Forget about turning the abuser around and helping them see that what they are doing to you is wrong - because they have already made up their minds that you are to blame for the way they treat you. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. It took me over two decades to realize that. Two decades of believing that my life was worthless and meaningless because the people closest to me told me that it was. And since they were the ones that knew me the best - they must be right - WRONG! Here is what I have learned about abusers.

- They will always find a reason to criticize you - no matter what. If you offer them a reasonable explanation for the source of their criticism they will tell you that you are only making excuses for you incompetency, laziness, unorganization. Remember that no matter what you do - YOU CANNOT PLEASE THEM. It is better that you ignore their criticisms as best as you can and continue to do things the way you think they should be done. I know from experience that this is very much easier said than done. One thing that has helped me to stop continually seeking acceptance from my abusers is to remember that each time you seek their approval - you are knocking on a closed and locked door.

- An abuser wants control over your life. They want to control all the finances. They want to make sure that you have as little independance as possible and that you have to ask their permission to use and spend any money. Every purchase must be justified and fit their perception of what is "necessary". They will justify this by calling you a "spendthrift", "irresponsible" or outright telling you that since you did not EARN the money - you have no right to decide how it is dispersed. There are days when you feel that the beggar on the street has it better than you. Find a way to earn your own money. If you are a stay at home mom look for a way to work at home to earn some money of your own. Do it as disceratly as possible because as soon as the abuser finds out that you are actively seeking financial independance - he will do whatever it takes to sabotage it. The same occurs when you try to continue your education. Take classes when you know he is not at home and find somewhere to hide your materials.

They want to control your relationships. Abusers always resent any time that you spend away from them. If you are close to your family they will make nasty comments about any amount of time you spend with them. Abusers tend to get angry if they see you talking on the phone to relatives or friends. They will tell you that you do nothing but waste your time, that there are other things you should be doing - but what they are really afraid of is that you might tell someone WHAT IS REALLY GOING ON IN YOUR HOME. The more that they can cut you off from outside relationships - the safer they are from detection. Abusers tend to be very charming in front of and towards family and friends. How many times after a spouse has been brutally murdered do relatives, friends, and neighbors say, "We never thought this would happen - he was such a NICE guy!" At the first signs of abuse - TELL YOUR FAMILY - TELL YOUR FRIENDS. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOU ARE BEING ABUSED. Even if you have let it be a secret for a long time - start telling people that you trust. With each person you tell - you will feel more and more liberated.

They want to control how you spend your time. This happens most with stay at home moms. An abuser feels that he is doing you a favor by "allowing" you to raise the children yourself and will tell you that frequently. He also feels that because you are at home - every domestic responsibility is completely yours and is a way of paying him back for this glorious opportunity. An abuser is angry if he witnesses any kind of relaxation - if you are watching TV, if you are reading a book or magazine, if you engage in any kind of hobby. He will tell you that you should have better things to do and will look for things to criticize in order to prove his point. An abuser will not offer to help in any domestic duties and if he does - he is again "doing you a favor" or "making up for you apparent incompetency". The expectations of the abuser are unattainable and leave you feeling "worthless" and "incompetent". You will then give up the things that you love to do for the sake of peace but you also lose a part of yourself. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO GIVE UP A NORMAL PLEASURABLE ACTIVITY BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DOES NOT VALUE IT. The abuser views outside interests as a threat on his control. Remember - the goal of the abuser is to strip you from any INDIVIDUALITY. The result is stripping someone else of their HUMANITY.

• You know you are in an abusive relationship when the world has to circle around your partner. When your partner is jealous of the times you spend with your children and family. When he calls you at work, even when you ask him not to because he has jeapordized your job. When he uses religion to base his domineering views on you....when he makes you feel like you are loosing your mind and that you want to committ suicide to remove yourself from the relationship because he harasses you constantly..when you are afraid to bring him around family or friends because you don't know what he is going to say or do, when the littlest comment that is said is blown out of proportion because he percieves things totally out of context, and it is all your fault that the comment was said to begin with...that your partner is paranoid and believes everyone is after him because he is so great, intelligent, and wonderful, that he makes you afraid... what he really has is not anger but rage and that rage is released on you....that he makes comments to you that are uncalled for and demeaning...so demeaning that they still effect you, even though the relationship has ended....that he blocks you in the house and refuses to let you leave, and tells you if you do leave you have never loved him to begin with and that he will track you down..he plays on your emotions and feeds off of your weaknesses, which he has learned from being that wonderful person at the beginning of your relationship...that he calls you 100 times in a row, after you have hung up because he is verbally attacking you and has filled your voice mail, and text messages with horrible messages...that he is extremely jealous so you stop living your life because he questions you constantly about men, whether they are the bag boy at the grocery store to the neighbor next door, to your teenage sons friends whom he insists that you sleep with...that he has hit you, and he doesn't remember some of it, and the times he does remember, you deserved it.. tells you that its your fault he hasn't followed through on his responsibilities because he can't get you off of his mind..he has very few friends, and those friends want very little to do with him...he isolates himself because you are the most important person in his life, and he has never loved anyone the way he loves you, and he tells you he loves you just too much....your children, family and friends wonder what is wrong with you because they tell you that this man is not for you, yet you are not ready to see the abuser, just the man that you fell in love with at the beginning of your relationship.

- An abuser degrades you by calling you names: "incompetent", "worthless", "stupid" are just a few. There are other words I have personally heard that I dare not repeat because they are so vile.

An abuser will tell you that you do nothing right. An abuser will tell you that you are insane and need professional help - my answer to that - "Who wouldn't be living with someone like YOU?" when anything happens - such as a car repair for example - an abuser will tell you that you are to stupid to even drive a car right. My dog was recently poisoned by a malicious individual and less than a half an hour after I buried her - I was told that I was too dumb to even take care of the dog - that I must have done something to kill her. To an abuser - the accusations they make about you DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE SENCE - THEY ARE SAID ONLY TO HURT YOU WHEN YOU ARE MOST VOLNERABLE. The sad part is that they will always believe that their accusations are true even when presented with evidence that they are not.

- All the above pertain to emotional and verbal abuse - now for the physical. NO ONE - EVER HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT, PUSH, SHOVE, KICK, OR PUNCH ANYONE.

- MOST IMPORTANTLY- AN ABUSER IS THE WORLDS BIGGEST LIAR! They are so used to lying about almost everything that they believe their own lies. an abuser will NEVER admit the truth completely - they will NEVER take full responsibility. And when they really feel threatened that they are going to lose control over your life - they will lie and manipulate and even threaten you too keep it. NEVER BELIEVE AN ABUSER'S APOLOGIES AND PROMISES TO CHANGE. Remember that they are only sorry until the next time that they will be sorry - AND THERE IS ALWAYS A NEXT TIME.

The best analogy I have come up with to define the cycle of abuse is this: YOU ARE ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND. SOMETIMES YOU MAY CHANGE HORSES BUT IT IS THE SAME OLD MERRY-GO-ROUND. SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET OFF THE MERRY-GO-ROUND COMPLETELY.

• my friends are all gone, i cannot leave the house without him knowing, i have to dress his way, eat his way, talk his way, look his way and act his way. I am not allowed to talk back to him, i no longer have any friends, i am completelty alone, i cannot have a job, i cannot be with my family unless he says okay. The house must be clean, and i can't even go to bed when i want sometimes I'll have to stay up till 3 and have to get up at six and if i don't wake up on time im in trouble, but he can sleep for as long as he wants. I am terrified of him, and nobody knows any of this except for me and him, i love him but i hate him for doing this to me. I have tried to get away from him before but it never works, even if he breaks up with me he will call me constantly and tell me that I don't care because I havn't been calling him. I have not brought this up to him once, i feel like my life will always be this way and i miss my friends and my family. I don't want to go on living like this- somebody please help me, tell me what to do.

• The first thing you need to know is that this is not your fault. You are not responsible for how this man thinks, feels or treats you. This, like all abusive situations is about control. It is not your fault. He probably grew up in a home where there was abuse or chaos - and as a child he had no control over his life, and now as an adult he is trying desperetly to gain control over everything in his life - including you. This is not your fault. You cannot change him. You cannot help him. This is his problem and only he can fix himself. You do not need to take on his pain anymore.

You need to tell your family about your situation. You need to leave this man. Just pack a bag, walk out and leave. Perhaps you can move in with your family. Or if you do not have that option you can go to a women's shelter where they will help you get back on your feet. I know this is terrifying but this is the first step in helping yourself. You are the only one that can help yourself. Other people can comfort you and lend support but you have to be the brave one to make the big step. You do not deserve a life of misery. You deserve happiness. You will get out of this - take one day at a time - have faith in yourself.

• You situation sounds terrible, and I along side other visitors to this page will agree, that you need to take action.

It is so sad that you have lost your friends and have been stripped of your identity by this man.

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship for just under six months. Fortunately, the man in question has not moved in with me, so it has been easy to make the break.

I have continuously hoped that M would become the man that I first met. Kind and loving, but this is not the case. He would tell me that he doesn't love me, but would still want to see me. He would seem to take pleasure in telling me that he has no feelings for me or care. When I was on the verge of leaving him, he would pull me back and tell me that he did have feelings. He would often fly into a rage over something so minor as me wanting to go home, if he had fallen asleep.

When introducing him to my friends, I found myself completely tense. If he was not flirting directly with my friends he was telling them how much he did not love or care for me. When I would react to this, I was the one left feeling that I had created the situation, that it was all my fault. I remember going to a church, crying my eyes out, begging the lord to make M forgive me for something I had not done.

My recent communication was deeply upsetting. I was told that he did not want to see or speak to me. No explanation given, only that I am pressurizing him.( I had not contacted him for the 3 weeks he was out of the country. When I appeared upset, asking for an explanation, I was told to stop acting like a child, simply because I was expressing some form of sorrow and emotion. He decided to hang up on me at this point.Only to ring me a few seconds letter, telling me not to contact him, that he feels that he is losing control and that he would contact me some time!

In a way, he has done me a favour. I realise now that I need to find my life again. I have fallen out with a number of my friends, convinced that they had encourage his flirtatious behaviour, lost my motivation to continue developing my business, because I would spend the best part of the day discussing with friends and analysing the relationship, to work out where I was going wrong; seeking ways of resolving his anger and moodiness, trying to find ways of resolving his unhappiness. And hopefully start to regain my self-esteem after he would often make reference to other women in a sexual way.

Silly things also spring to mind. If he wanted to see me and I could not, I would suffer. As he would avoid me for a few weeks, failing to meet me if we arranged an alternative date. He was also starting to criticise me, became sarcastic if I did not fully follow something he was telling me.

Even when first met there was a sense of being stalked. He had to leave the country the following morning after we met. During his holiday he continually pestered me with text messages, asking me if I was missing him, whether I would collect him from the airport. On his return, he had difficulty contacting me via phone, and one evening left an angry message on my mobile asking me why I was not answering. Alarm bells started to ring at this point, but I chose to ignore them preferring to see that he was tall, dark and handsome who seemed to want to shower me with attention.

My advice to you is making the move will give you the chance to regain your position in life. That first step will be hardest, but the most vital.

• First, I am writing this as a husband. After 22 years of marriage I have been exposed to numerous things. I watched some of my small personal things like greeting cards from friends and family being thrown out because I didn't need them. She hates my job. I'm professionally employed and doing quite well. I've been subjected to unsuspected rage over the slightest incident. I was raged at so bad one evening for close to two hours that I tried to check myself into a hospital emergency room because I believed her when she told me I was crazy and needed help. She told me that I was hurting everyone around me. She has told me that I am a bad husband, father, son-in-law, brother-in-law, etc. My friends are not allowed in our house. She says negative things about my friends and my family. My family was not allowed in our house for several years. Once she threatened to call the police if they even came near the house to see me. She sat and listened to any telephone conversation that I had with family. She has told me that my now deceased parents didn't love me or want me and that I was an accident for them. She told me that my mother was sexually abused by my grandfather and that I am proof of that and I am passing on the damage to our children. (She could never possibly know this; my grandfather passed away over 20 years before I even met her). I've been timed when leaving the house. She attempted to prevent me from seeing my mother in the hospital weeks before she passed away. I pay all of the bills and we have never been in financial trouble although she's sure that creditors will be coming at any time to take it all away because I am inept. She twists most everything that I say around. I have been accused of having affairs. She convinced me to seek counseling because I had "problems". She's terminated three marriage counselors that we have tried at my request. She only went to help "fix" me. She pushed very hard to get me on medication because I was so "severly depressed". She is emotionally distant and withholds affection. I've not been spoken to for several days following a rage. When I try to explain an issue, then I'm defensive. If I get angry as a result then I hear, "See, you're the one with the problem" as she points a finger at my face. When she rages, I am a "Bastard". I believe that she may have been abused as a child and I am almost certain that she at least witnessed physical, emotional, and verbal abuse as a child, (father abusing mother and older siblings). Believe what you read about abuse. The signs and symptoms are there, for each person involved, abuser AND victim. Go with what you feel is happening. If you feel abuse, you are abused. Heal yourself. After 22 years of marriage, exposure to five counselors, submission to two full psycological evaluations that turned up nothing on me, alot of time and even more money invested in my mental health, I'm leaving and I intend to take my children and stop the cycle of abuse in this generation. I've had enough and I've almost always known about the abuse but I was too afraid to do anything because I am a male and I thought no one would believe me. They may not but I do and that's all that matters. Get better. Move on. Enjoy life!!!!

• Your real friends will let you know what they see. If they all say the same thing, then you can rest asure all are not lieing. It happened to me. Thank you my FRIENDS. THR

• It has been 2 years now, and I don�t know what to do. I am alone all the time, I miss friends and my old life. Everything I once had is now gone, and I am to weak to get it back. I know that I can�t do this forever but, I just cant seem to end it, I feel like even if I try to it will never end, he scares me. But I love him, and in the past month he has changed dramatically, not yelling or anything but I can�t take this being alone anymore I want friends. I know he will go back to his regular ways anytime now but I always have the feeling that I just want one more day with him. I have tried to end it a lot before but for some reason I feel bad, because I feel like I am a horrible person. He tells me all the time that he doesn�t want their to be anyone else more important to me than him, including my family and I don�t know if that is possible. Please someone tell me what is going on.

• The temptation to stay is always going to be there, for as long as he tells you that you are needed and wanted by him. Of course you are tempted to stay when you hear this, because you love him for the person you fell for when you first met.

I completely understand your position. I totally adored my boyfriend, but during the last phone call from him, something snapped inside of me. He was his usual abusive self. I was feeling vulnerable and he knew that, so he chose to hurt me by telling me that he had no feelings for me, that I keep contacting him and placing undue pressure on him.

This was not the case, we simply had an arrangement to meet and he had failed to contact me about not meeting. All this was part of the abuse, not calling to tell me his change of plans while probably psyching himself for the torrent of anger and abuse. He of course blames me, telling me that I turn him into an animal, interesting theory but fortunately, I feel strong enough to take a step back and realise that he has the problem, not I.

Leaving him is the best thing for him and me. Deep down I really feel that abusers do feel some sense of shame and embarrassment. I know that my ex does. It is almost something inherent in them that they cannot control, an illness that won't be healed for as long as the abuse is going on and you are prepared to take it. So in a way, I am doing him a favour by leaving him as I hope he can reflect on his destrutive behaviour, take ownership, and seek help.

If you really feel love for this man, and in a funny sort of way you probably will realise that it isn't love, once you establish distance, be the first one to make the move. Take control over the situation, the relationship is destructive and ugly for both of you.

Try and make contact with the friends you have lost, and be honest with them. Tell them why you have not been able to see or speak to them.

Try and overcome this fear, because it is just that, fear, that is stopping you from moving forward. Your partner is probably just as afraid as you, but don't be sucked into that. Don't feel that you have to protect him from any pain and unhappiness.

I truly believe that abusive men and women are emotionally unhinged. They are the one's who suffer the most. You can one day walk away from this and reclaim your life again with the aid of friends, therapy and most important of all self-respect. The abuser's life is never an attractive option, because for all their faults, they too have a conscience, and have to live in the knowledge that they have inflicted so much pain and misery on someone they apparently love.

So many people have suggested that the abuser convinces themselves we are the cause of their abusive behaviour however, if you were to give them some distance and space to at least see that this is not always the case, this could in some way help them to change themselves for the better.

As the man above who bravely left his wife, who frankly sounded like she need the mental health assessment, you too could do the same. Recognise that you are frightened, but its just the fear, that freakish annoying emotion that is trapping you and so many of us in our lives. But some of us allow it to win and others defeat it, you can be one of those who looks fear straight in the eye and tell it to get lost!

Start the process of recovery. Maybe get in contact with your friends and family first to gain their support and a temporary refuge until you find a home for yourself.

I promise you that once you do this, you won't remember your partner for the person he used to be in early flushes of your relationship, but the controlling monster that he has become. And for some reason you will probably view him with complete contempt, when you event

ANSWER:

Young, but yes I have been in a abusive relationship.

If your being abused, get out. Cause you may love him/her,

but if they loved you, they wouldn't hit you.

Get out of it.

<3

he clearly doesn't love you as much as you love him. just tell him to get lost and if he tries to hurt you because you're getting out of the relationship, then tell someone. the cops, or a friend, or just someone who can help. make up an excuse but get yourself out because you deserve better and there is someone better for you out there.

Get a plan and get out. Need help coming up with a plan? www.ledbettercoaching.com

• Leave him now while you have the chance...It's the same thing with my mom, she has suffered 16 years of abuse, don't miss your chance. You have to leave NOW.

HE IS NOT WORTH IT. DROP HIM. YOU DESERVE BETTER.