Why does it take so long to get rid of an abuser even if one is firm and resolute?

Answer 1

Abusers and their victims form dyads of codependence. It takes two to tango � and an equal number to sustain a long-term abusive relationship. The abuser and the abused form a bond, a dynamic, and a dependence. Expressions such as "follies a deux", "shared psychosis", and the "Stockholm Syndrome" capture facets � two of a myriad � of this danse macabre. It often ends fatally. It is always an excruciatingly painful affair.

AnswerSome abusers are narcissists. They rarely give up easily a carefully cultivated source of narcissistic supply: AnswerJust an update on the situation:

Although I was fearful and anxious, I ended my toxic friendship. I want to thank everyone for their answers and suggestions.... I do still dread seeing her in the street (hasn't happened yet) but it doesn't bother me anymore. I feel so much better and free and I have been thinking about certain issues i need to work on. I haven't heard from her since but if ever i do, I'll just remain calm. For me, it's the past. Reading related articles helped, analyzing different aspects of the relationship etc really helped me put this charade to rest. And even though there was no violence or threat of violence, I still felt like I was helpless and felt like I was drowning. I'm really happy web sites like this exist.

AnswerMy husband has terrible temper tantrums when things don't go his way. He's also emotionally abusive/manipulative, so after two years of marriage I am determined to leave him. It is a struggle. I am very firm about it because I've wanted a divorce from the beginning. He is ill, and it takes so long to get rid of these types because they are in extreme denial that the relationship isn't right. There is no arguing, discussing, or reasoning with them. You can tell them a thousand times that you are unhappy, depressed, and tired of their abuse all you want, but they will completely deny your hurt. They scoff at your feelings, they ask you how you could be so screwed up to feel hurt, because in their eyes, they are the perfect spouse. You satisfy their need for control. To them, it doesn't matter how you feel. They are satisfied, so your feelings are irrelevant. My husband was severely beaten by his father with belts and switches throughout his childhood, so that would explain why he has no respect for himself. Why he begs me to stay but I will not bend this time. He begs more and cries, but you know, that gets old. He has no respect for himself or for anyone else and no healthy sense of boundaries. He calls several times a day to talk about it but I don't answer. Don't feed the monster! What you see as trying to be civil, he interprets as you "falling back into his arms" and he'll exaggerate it every time! If you are completely honest he'll call you mean and ask how you can treat him this way, as he believes he has always been the perfect husband. He needs his cycle and routine of controlling me or else he feels lost, powerless, and in his words, "dead." It takes so long to get rid of a sick person because they are...well...sick. They may constantly scream, "How can you do this to me??" But hang in there! With the help of restraining orders and good lawyers, one day you will be free. It takes so long ...- Because abusers are very persistent and adept emotional parasites.

-they are persistent in trying to gain control they once may have had, they do not care who gets in the way. it is great to have people you care and love around. They manipulate you is such a way that you do not realise apart from the people around you. The bully and manipulate you into submisson as they hear the law their attitude changes until they have worked you to where they want you again. They will abuse you emtionally, physically, financially and mentally. Remember if you don't listen or give them a chance they cannot control you.