What would you like to do?
Give up. Achieve closure. He doesn't deserve more than what you have already given him.
The word "love" is understood by the narcissist to mean "dependence", "neediness", "ability to provide narcissistic supply", "becoming the narcissist's extension and property".
In these - distorted and sick - senses of the word, all narcissists love to be loved...
A post-mortem of a relationship conducted with a narcissist is very frustrating because it never achieves closure. The narcissist is interested exclusively in allocating blame and generating guilt - not in progressing, developing, atoning, soothing, or concluding anything.
Such exercises in futility are best avoided.
Narcissistic psychopaths have no friends, or lovers, or spouses, or children, or family - they have only objects to be manipulated.
Narcissists have no problem perceiving ideas (many narcissists are intellectually gifted). But they do have a problem perceiving other people's ability to conceive of ideas, to have their own needs, emotions, and preference. Wouldn't you be startled if your television set suddenly informed you that it would rather not work on a Sunday? Or if your vacuum cleaner wanted to befriend you?
To narcissists, other people are instruments, tools, sources - in short: objects. Objects are not supposed to have opinions or to make independent choices and decisions - especially if they don't comply with the narcissist's worldview or plans, or if they do not cater to his needs.
No! True emotional acceptance means the person must possess normal human emotions such as empathy. Without this emotional base acceptance as you would like it is IMPOSSIBLE.
The time for the father to have developed a healthy emotional system is long gone, i.e. infancy and early childhood.
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Answer That you should recreate with other people your relationship with an abusive or narcissistic (or both) father (or mother)- is not an iron-clad and inescapable ru…le! Some people do, though.Inverted Narcissism is not a recognized mental health category (though it was proposed, under different names, by eminent scholars in the past). Co-dependence, though, is now widely accepted as a mental health problem. But I repeat: That you had an abusive relationship in your childhood and adolescence does not doom you to have other abusive relationships in your adulthood. Answer I do not think this is inevitable. My father had narcissistic traits and I realised early on that I could not have a meaningful relationship with anyone like that and I married someone who was totally opposite. However, having an N father did leave me thinking that I wasn't quite good enough, so there must be something wrong with anyone who wanted a relationship with me. That has lasted throughout my life. People do like me, but I still feel inadequate inside. I did have one N relationship which affected me very deeply. I was not attracted to him because he was an N - in fact, he hid this very well. One thing he did do was evoke the same sensations in me as my father did (a kind of shame). It was difficult to deal with. I spent a lot of time trying to make it right, and it was extremely painful when it came to an end. I always thought he was the only one I ever really loved. I now know he was the only one I could not tame.
accepting gifts from a person who shows signs of narcissitisc behavior is not a crime. Morally its up to you to accept or not. narcissitic behavior is not illegal. my su…ggetion is seek professional help,
If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, then you've been taught that the narcissist is always right and you're the one who's wrong. A lifetime of such mistreatment …typically instills lack of confidence in your own judgment, along with habitual shame at never getting it right or being good enough to deserve the air that you breathe. The children of narcissists may not have realized that the quirks and oddities of their impossible-to-please parents are not in any way unique or special but are in fact the symptoms of a personality disorder. What is Narcissism? A pattern of traits and behaviors which signify infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and ambition. Most narcissists (75%) are men. People with narcissistic tendencies have errors in thinking which prevents them from seeing things how they are from both sides of the picture. Not wanting to feel bad inside, they build defenses such as denial, repression and a strong need to be right. When the person has severe traits, they can feel an increase in self-esteem when they get what they want and feel no remorse or justify their using others. John Masterson called this rigid type of thinking a "Swiss Cheese Brain" with holes in the brain and mind where good common sense and conscience should be. Some even get a sense of feeling superior when they get their way or make others feel bad. This is the dynamic underlying bullying. When hurting others becomes a hook into feeling self-satisfaction, the narcissism takes an ugly turn. There is a cost to this false sense of self-esteem. People who abuse and bully others end up being lonely because others do not want to be around them. People with narcissistic behavior cannot handle criticism in any way and feel that they are being made wrong. . They are supersensitive to criticism and either attack the other person or they leave the scene. This blaming the person who gives criticism helps the person with narcissistic defenses avoid feeling guilt, shame and depression but it also keeps them from taking responsibility for learning from their mistakes and ultimately from growing up. They can pout and give the silent treatment or hold grudges. This combination of these defenses that distort reality often set them up for failure in partnerships. When the narcissistic traits are too severe and causes havoc in the lives of others, there is a disorder. Narcissistic Personality Disorder happens when a person's outlook is so distorted to the extent that they do not see reality as it is and cannot see the needs of other people. These people are the takers of the world leaving pain and destruction in their wake. If their behavior is left unchecked, they become con artists, manipulators, sociopaths and dictators. Without empathy for others, people with narcissistic personality disorders can irrationally justify and rationalize their hurtful and unlawful behaviors and may become sexual predators. Family members who have sex with children always have some element of narcissism seeing others as objects that are available for their own sexual satisfaction. High intelligence coupled with a lack of empathy and remorse for hurting others is a dangerous combination for family members. With extreme narcissistic behaviors, the diagnosis may be a sociopath personality disorder. Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents * Turns every conversation to him or herself. * Expects you to meet his or her emotional needs * Ignores the impact of his negative comments on you * Constantly criticizes or berates you and knows what is best for you * Focus on blaming rather than taking responsibility for his own behavior * Expect you to jump at his every need * Is overly involved with his own hobbies, interests or addictions ignoring your needs * Has high need for attention: * Brags, sulks, complains, inappropriately teases, is flamboyant, loud and boisterous * Is closed minded about own mistakes. Can't handle criticism and gets angry to shut it off * Becomes angry when his needs are not met and tantrums or intimidates * Has an attitude of "Anything you can do, I can do better" * Engages in one-upmanship to seem important * Acts in a seductive manner or is overly charming * Is vain and fishes for compliments. Expects you to admire him * Isn't satisfied unless he has the "biggest" or "best" * Seeks status. Spends money to impress others * Forgets what you have done for them yet keeps reminding you that you owe them today * Neglects the family to impress others. Does it all: Is a super person to gain admiration * Threatens to abandon you if you don't go along with what he wants * Does not obey the law-sees himself above the law * Does not expect to be penalized for failure to follow directions or conform to guidelines * Ignores your feelings and calls you overly sensitive or touchy if you express feelings * Tells you how you should feel or not feel * Cannot listen to you and cannot allow your opinions * Is more interested in his own concerns and interests than yours * Is unable to see things from any point of view other than his own * Wants to control what you do and say-tries to micromanage you * Attempts to make you feel stupid, helpless and inept when you do things on your own * Has poor insight and can not see the impact his selfish behavior has on you * Has shallow emotions and interests * Exploits others with lies and manipulations. * Uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants * May engage in physical or sexual abuse of children
If your child is a boy and you are the father theres a good chance he got his narcissism from you unless there was some other arrangment. Dont use psychology on your son, just… try to accept him for who he is.
Narcissistic daughters are bred from parents that give in to their every whim and fancy. Thus, fathers need to be relatively strict in their parenting.
Things like lack of self-confidence, excessive guilt, imbalances in their concept of their self-worth, fear, and mostly something that adult children of narcissists call "flea…s". (Some Googling will get you stuff about "fleas", and so might searching for the word "ACON", which stands for "Adult Child of a Narcissist".) ACONs struggle a lot, and it's been said they tend to be either overachievers or underachievers.
In order to be a good father you always have to put your child's well-being first. that said there is no saying that a narcissist can't LEARN to be a good father. Clinicall…y-defined narcissists (people with a personality disorder) may be good parents to the extent that 'being a good parent' is part of their self-image. However, people who are clinically-definable as narcissists are rare; people who are merely self-centered can and do make excellent parents.
By being there for them and loving them.
Therapy. Lots of it. ME I THINK THA…T HEAL IS A GREAT WORD YOU SHOULD START BY FIRST KNOW THAT YOU COULD HAVE NEVER PLEASED THIS PERSON NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID SECOND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME THIRD IS NORMAL TO FEEL CONFUSED BETRAYED AND HAVE MIX FEELINGS AND NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND THEIR ACTIONS OR THE SILENT TREATMENT .LACK OF EMPATHY AND AFFECTION.THEY DONT REACT TO THINGS LIKE MOST PEOPLE DO.IF YOU GIVE LOVE YOU EXPECT SOME AFECTION BACK BUT THEY WITHDRAW FROM IT.IS HARD .I BELIEVE TIME CAN SMOOTH OUR FEELINGS AND READING AND GETTING INFORMATION WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.PEOPLE SAY MOVE ON BUT I DONT THINK IS THAT EASY,I WOULD SAY TRY TO GIVE IT A PLACE AND MOST OF ALL KNOW IT HAS HAPPENNED TO OTHER PEOPLE TO TRY TO REGAIN YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND KEEP IN MIND IS NOT YOU THEY TREAT ANYONE THAT LOVES THEM THAT WAY THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF REAL LOVE. AT THIS MOMENT I AM GOING TROUGH HELL FOR A YEAR NOW SINCE THE PERSON I LOVE YES YOU READ RIGHT DUMPED ME IN A VERY HORRIBLE FASHION AFTER YEARS OF MENTAL ABUSE AND NOW IS TOTALLY NO CONTACT WITH ME AND WHEN HE HAS A NEW SUPPLY HE MANAGES TO LET ME KNOW.BUT I DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH SO I AM FIGHTING TO OVERCOME THIS.I WONT LET HIM STILL CONTROL ME. I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST AND IF PEOPLE SAY YOU GOT TO MOVE ON THEY MEAN GOOD BUT YOU KNOW AND I KNOW IS NOT THAT EASY. SO DONT FEEL BAD BECUSE YOU EXPERIENCE SOME SET BACKS JUST GIVE IT TIME.
Always improve their self esteem,do things with them like sports, show love and affection and tell them about narcissism when they are old enough,and tell them that you are th…ere for them,always.
Can the narcissist ever become himself and he is a narcissist and so is his mother he seems to look to her for acceptance can he change if she accepts him?
I don't think so. How can change occur in narcissist whose mother is a narcissist as well, even if she accepts him? The very sickness comes from that lack of emotional support… given by the mother at the most crucial time, birth. My mother in law has damaged my husband so much that because he is a product of his environment, he had dished out his madness upon me and his children. Sadly, I am the one who had the mental breakdown and has suffered so much. Is there really help for a narcissist?
i left three of mine
No. and if they SAY they do? they just get better at sneaking and covering up. run!
NEVER!!! Lust, potentially - but that lust is more grounded in the realms of financial, status-related, or intellectual conquest. Love requires giving of the self in a sel…fless way - a Narcissist is ALWAYS in it for what they can get out of it when it comes to giving. They will condition you or try to pull admiration and appreciation out of you with what they give. Also, in order to love someone else and accept them for who they are you have to be able to accept yourself! The narcissist only accepts the mask they show the world, not their true self. And they don't even see you as another human - to them, you are just an object to be manipulated.
Generally, that won't work due to the very nature of the personality disorder. Narcissists are not open to criticism, even constructive criticism. Individuals with narcissis…tic personality disorder are typically unwilling or unable to acknowledge their disorder. Although some may recognize the difficulty they have in their relationships with other people, they blame others for those problems. They are typically unable to modify their behavior. They have a conviction that they can do no wrong. One of the striking hallmarks of NPD is the utter lack of self awareness. They often have a defective ability to interprete other people's speech and actions which leads them to think they are liked and respected and the world agrees with their inflated sense of self. Many do not recognize that they have a problem at all. If they do suspect they have a problem they are more likely to step up their self defenses, reject outside intervention and avoid introspection at any cost and so they are doomed to repeat their failures and mistakes.