Did your abusive mother love you?

Answer 1

Its odd but my mother was abusive but also showed some love. I noticed the problem after she lost the one child she wanted the most, a girl. She had three sons and always wanted to have a girl. She became cold after loosing the girl due to it being premature birth, the lungs collapsed I was told by my father. My mother was abusive toward me in many ways and took sides with my youngest sibling. I later found out she was abused by her own brother. My most horrific memory of her was around the age of five when it first started. I spilled milk while eating cookies at the dinner table and she became enraged at cleaning it up and made me extremely nervous by her behavior. I shook like a leaf and caused me to spill it again out of fright. Then she grasped me by the upper arm and escorted outside the front door into cold night and locked the door so I couldn't get in. I was frightened and scared and yelled and screamed(wanting my mothers love) and pounded the door to be let in. Sometime when by and I remembered crying and being frightened, when she opened the door she looked down at me and was laughing as though it was funny. I was hurt by her action and never trusted her after that day. I grew up not loving or feeling much love from her. When she was on her death bed I came to see her and she was distraught when I was there, I cried and told her I loved her before she passed away. I think she loved me but didn't show it often. This created issues, I never married for fear of being abusive myself toward a child and also feared a mother/wife because I was attracted to women who had similar characteristics of my own mother.