Asked in Needs a Topic
Needs a Topic

Do you have any jokes that you can tell me?

789

Answer

User Avatar
Wiki User
11/01/2009

Some brief humor :

  • A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

    The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

(see related link)

Bar

One day two people walked into a bar... then a third one said "That must have hurt."

Animals

How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? You open it and put the giraffe inside.

How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? You open it, take out the giraffe, and put the elephant in.

The Lion King throws a party, and all animals are invited. But one didn't come. Who was it? The elephant, he was in the refrigerator.

You need to get across a river home to millions of crocodiles. How do you get across? Just swim, the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party.

The Atoms Joke

Two atoms walk into a bar. One atom says "I think I lost an electron". The other replies "Are you sure"? To which the first atom says, "I'm positive!"

The Cursing Priest

A priest and a rabbi went to play golf. The priest misses a shot, and says, "S**t, I missed!" The rabbi says, "Don't curse or God will punish you." Later on, the priest misses again, and says, "S**t, I missed!" Again the rabbi warns him, "Don't curse, or God is going to punish you." Finally, the priest misses a short putt and says, "S**t, I missed!" Suddenly, the sky grows menacingly dark and with a tremendous clap of thunder, a huge bolt of lightning stabs down...and kills the rabbi! A loud voice echoes out from the clouds as God says, "S**t, I missed!"

Coke Machine

It was a hot day in Las Vegas, and this blonde walked up to the Coke machine. She put her money in, and a Coke came out. She stood there for five minutes, putting her money in and getting Cokes.

Since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"

And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

Swimming Blonde

A blonde and a brunette were stranded on an island. The brunette decided she was going to swim home, but the swim home was 100 miles. The brunette swam one mile, got tired, and swam back. Then the blonde tried. The blonde swam 99 miles, then she got tired, too...so she swam the 99 miles back to the island.

Banana

Why did the banana go to the doctor? "He wasn't peeling very well."

Three guys on a cliff joke

There are three guys on a cliff : an American, an Asian, and a Nazi. They wanted to see how high up they were, so they each threw something down. The American threw a flagpole, the Asian threw rice, and the Nazi threw a grenade. When they came down from the mountain, the American saw a man crying. The American asked "Why are you crying?" The man replied "A flagpole hit my wife!" The American apologized and left. The Asian saw a little boy crying and he asked "Little boy, why are you crying?" The boy said "I looked up and rice fell in my eye!" So the Asian apologized and left. Lastly, the Nazi saw a boy laughing uncontrollably. He asked the boy "Why are you laughing?" The boy replied "I farted and my house blew up!"

Tarzan, Boy, and Jane

Tarzan saw a herd of elephants coming. What did he say? - He said "Here come the elephants."

Boy saw a herd of elephants coming. What did he say? - He said "Here come the elephants."

Jane saw a herd of elephants coming. What did she say? - She said "Here come the bluebirds." (she was color-blind)