Famous quotes from woody Allen

Answer 1

; As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Trees] ; Eighty percent of success is showing up. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Success] ; Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. : Woody Allen ; His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. : Woody Allen ; How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Atheism] ; How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? : Woody Allen ; I am at two with nature. : Woody Allen ; I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Music] ; I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Death] [Immortality] ; I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Marriage] ; I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. : Woody Allen ; I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. : Woody Allen ; I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. : Woody Allen ; If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Atheism] ; If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [God] ; Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. : Woody Allen ; It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Death] ; It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. : Woody Allen ; It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. : Woody Allen ; Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Life] ; Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Life] ; Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Money] ; Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. : Woody Allen ; My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. : Woody Allen ; My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. : Woody Allen; Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. : Woody Allen ; On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Death] ; Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. : Woody Allen- More quotations on: [Crime] ; Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. : Woody Allen ; The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. : Woody Allenhttp://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Woody_Allen

Answer 2

1. "80% of success is showing up."
2. "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
3. "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."