How can a funeral home cremate your son without notifying you first?

Answer 1

By law, the funeral director takes their instruction from the contractor for the service, or in other words, the individual who has ordered the elements of the service provided. In many cases, where parents are divorced, yet both hold full parental rights, the Funeral Director may accept instruction from either party. However, this would require that the individuals requesting or mandating services become liable for the funeral debt.

Sadly, when a child has grown and perhaps has not stayed in contact with both parents, the parent who is notified or present at the death, becomes the de facto principle for arranging the service. Common courtesy would dictate that the spouse arranging the funeral should contact the other parent to discuss funeral arrangements, who would be paying for the services ordered, and any particular elements within the service. It's a sad fact, however, that spouses and even siblings have been known to arrange funerals, including the cremation or burial of a parent and deliberately not telling one or more siblings. Sometimes this is in some way connected to the deceased's assets. At other times, it has to do with a passive-aggressive attempt to psychologically punish a family member.

Some documented excuses have been when a spouse works for a national company, such as the Gas Board, Electricity Board, Telephone Company, or an airline, etc. The passive-aggressive individual asserts that they tried to phone many times, but were left holding for an infinite amount of time and sent through a maze of calling options, then being disconnected. So, the 'PA' claims, they sent a written note to the company....as they weren't exactly certain what the department was in which you worked. Courts have had little recourse but to express their disgust, but indicate there is no way to prove a deliberate malicious act.

It may also be that the person paying for the funeral was simply incapable of paying the outrageous fees funeral services charge for a 'hole-in-the-ground' and the highly dubious requirements for ancillary services, such as a vault, etc.

Try not to focus your anger on the Funeral Director; they will have acted in strict accordance with the principle's instructions. If the principle disagrees and claims they had no intention to have the deceased cremated, then most probably there are grounds for litigation and should be pursued forthwith.