How can an 18 year old guy afraid of his father ever become a famous person if his father doesn't approve?

Answer 1

First, the 18-year-old guy (you) is not really very far away from being on his own. At some point his survival will not depend on his father's approval. At that point there may be some emotional consequences of not doing everything Dad's way (and those can still be powerful), but they are survivable.

Listen to J.K. Rowling's inspiring speech at Harvard's 2008 commencement (see link below) for some real boosts on doing things on your own.

Second, let me tell you this: fame is not a measure of success. Doing something with your whole heart, to the best of your ability, something that gives you great satisfaction--that's a measure of success. Dad's approval is a nice bonus but is absolutely not necessary. Don't let your sense of success depend on whether or not you make the cover of some magazine. Let it be something you know with great inner conviction--which can only come from doing what you know you were made to do. If Dad never gets it, darling, that is Dad's great tragic loss.

And you do not have to let your life be owned by his need for control, which is his problem and not yours.

Third, plenty of the greats, from Mozart to Kafka, lived in fear of their fathers. Somehow they forged on anyway. Go get some help with the dad thing, but put it in perspective. It's not the worst thing that can happen to you, and you can totally beat it. The best thing is to get to the point where Pop's approval is irrelevant to what you do.

Finally, you honestly don't know (and neither does he) what might in the end make him really proud. Maybe he doesn't know it now, but seeing you be good at whatever you are good at will bring tears to his eyes no matter what he used to think.

Fathers are not some other species. Fathers are just like you, only older. As an old guy, he has some experience, and as your dad he deserves respect, but (you will see when you become a father) he is really no better at doing life than anybody else and is winging it most of the time. Get over being intimidated by the fact that he was always there and always bigger than you. Any day now he's going to start to shrink.

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If it helps any, we all have problems with our fathers. Alive or dead, the symbol and the person aren't the same. What helps me is to try and consider my father's strengths and try to emulate them, and his flaws, which I try hard to avoid.